VIPERPAW ! [COMPLETE !]

[blackbuck]

viperkit - viperpaw

GENDER ! male
AGE ! six moons
RANK ! apprentice
CLAN ! pineclan

FATHER ! [np]blackheart - dark tom with red-brown eyes.
MOTHER ! [np]flamingface - a dark orange she-cat with amber eyes.

LITTERMATES ! [np]sister;frostkit - grey she-cat with red-brown eyes. // [np]brother;summerkit - dark orange tom with red-brown eyes.

MATE ! none.
CRUSH ! none.
KITS ! none.

MENTOUR ! unknown.

SKILLS ! fairly good at hunting; bad balance; not the best fighter; sneaky; hard-headed.

BELEIFS !

"as a kit, starclan was something to look up to, like an older brother. they'd be there like a mother, and comfort you like a mate. they'd prepare you for battle like a mentor. but, being in pineclan has changed my views; there is no starclan. it's just a dream of starry cats that the other clans make up for comfort; like something is there watching over them and helping them. but, they're to mouse-brained to realize--they are not there. they're nothing but a fable, myth, fairy tale; somthing to tell kits when they're young to get them to fall asleep. something to cover up hurt; something to cover up pain. that's why pineclan is stronger than the other clans; we don't beleive in the load of fox dung. in other words, starclan is meaningless to me. i couldn't care less about the lie."

PHYSICAL !
[x]

viperpaw, his name gotten from the colorations of a snake, is dark brown. the roots of his dark fur are black, giving him a sort of dark sheen to his main color. if light reflects off of his sheen coat just right, the coloration almost looks orange. viperpaw's eyes are dark amber, but clouded with grey. his lips are black, but when opened, give the beholder sight of pearly white fangs, also a trait of the prefix viper. viperpaw may not be the best fighter, but makes up for it in hunting. he's small, and in the battle field, is easily taken advantage of. on the flipside, hunting is his best trait, with what his long legs and lean muscles. viperpaw's tail is rather shorter than other cats, thanks to a snake from his past, and doesn't help him the least bit with his balance. much to the dismay of him, he falls and trips quite a lot.

MENTAL !

viperpaw, a hard-headed young apprentice, hardly listens to anyone, even if they are of superiority or seniority. according to him, he's always right, and the cat he argues with is always wrong. if it turns out differently when proved, he tends to lash out, and run from the problem, clearing his mind, or at least trying to, in the process. some cats would say that viperpaw gets mad to easy, or stays mad too long, but he thinks otherwise; anger is a way of showing how you truly are and stating it to the fullest. strangely, a scar has always been a thing of want for the young cat, as they have always fascinated him. the oldest and strongest of cats have them, so why not he? viperpaw doesn't exactly like anyone, but only just tolerates them, or, on the flip-side, hates them. love is a hard topic for the cat, as you have to risk your life for him to prove you're the least bit trustworthy. though, the cat lusts, over anothers beauty, but never pays attention to the cat itself. he's rather mysterious, also, and would rather leave misunderstandings about him as just that: misunderstandings. the unknowns about the young cat outweigh what is known, and cats may only find them out as they progress through relationships with him.

PAST !

viperkit, tiny and weak, lay near the rim of the fur-lined nest that was his own in the nursery, excluding his closest relitives, his brother, sister, and mother. his mother stooped low to look him in his closed eyes, knowing the name was a perfect match. she had imagined the kit be strong, and fight like a viper, and he also had the coloration of one, thus making viperkit the perfect name. as weak as the small kit was, he was stronger than his littermates, frostkit and summerkit, named for their colorations. flamingface, the mother of the trio, had a ghastly face; it was scarred from the fire that charred her face as an apprentice, and, twisted with sadness, was almost terrifying.

moons later, older viperkit trotted alongside his mother with a proud look. when his mother turned, you could see a glint of sadness in her eye from the loss of frostkit and summerkit, but also a powerful joy in her kit, viperkit. the kit strode confidintly toward the rise where the leader adresses the clan. young viperkit was only tail-lengths away from apprenticeship, and but a few steps until the end of kit hood.

"viperpaw, viperpaw!" the clan's voice rang clearly into the young cats ears as his eyes brightened. only but a few moons have passed until now, and it leads us to see what happens as viperpaw continues his apprenticeship, slowly leading to warriorhood as the moons pass.

[/size][/blockquote]

[Whiskers]

History: You haven't explained anything about this cat's past. You've written a very nice paragraph, yes, and it is descriptive and pleasant to read. But it's too vague. For history, I want to know how he came to Pineclan. Remember, these clans are JUST starting off, so most likely, your character joined or was born on the journey. And history is also a good place to show character development, so once you go more in-depth with history, you can probably answer my next questions.

Personality: Why does Viper find it so hard to trust cats? Has he trusted anyone before? What does it take to get on his bad side? Does he hold a grudge? What about scars fascinates him-- does he want one because it will make him look tough, or for some other reason? Explore his motives and see what makes him tick. :3

Also heard-headed-- do you mean "hard-hearted" or "hard-headed."

[/size]

[blackbuck]

I'm completed with Viperpaw as of late and I'd love for him to be re-checked over, if you will.

[Rolo]

This bio has improved greatly. However, I highly recommend using capital letters at the beginning of sentences and for names of places. If you don't do so in this bio, don't worry, but if you can, please use them in all future rp posts and bios.

However, you'll need to change the names of summerkit (summer is a season; cats don't know of it) and Flamingface (Flameface would be fine )

Also, although his history does it's job, there's a small issue of where his personality came from? Cats who have been raised in a family with good values and great love are unlikely to be angry or distrusting. What reason does he have to be either of those? Maybe you should tone down these attributes until he is a tad older, because then he may be more likely to show them, or change his history to have something that caused him to become angry and distrustful.

If you wish him to be a slightly older apprentice, you'll need to make him more than 6 moons. 6 moons would mean he has ONLY just become an apprentice. If you have him be over 8 moons old, say he was born outside the clan and his mother brought him in.