Cloe- re do- finished!

[snowstorm]

Name | Cloe

Gender |she-cat

Age | 9 moons

Rank |kittypet

Clan | none

Beliefs| Cloe does not belive in StarClan, and belives all who do are idiots. She belives if something is ment to be, it happens. Also, she belives revenge is the only way to make up for her fathers death.

Parents | Daisy{Mother deceased} & Guss{Father also deceased}

Siblings | Vergy,{brother not played} Boris {Brother not played} and May {Sister not played}

Other Kin | None

Mate | not yet

Crush | not yet

Kits | not yet

Apprentice/Mentor | not yet

Appearance | A white and orange tabby, white underbelly, orange back and muzzle, with a small white skinny diamond shape above muzzle, the rest of her head is orange. Her eyes are a dull chocolate brown, and she has medium sized whiskers. One of her paws is white, the others are orange. She is a small she-cat, and slender unlike most kittypets. Half of her tail is missing, due to an attack from a forest cat when she was a small kit.

Personality | Cloe has a fiery personality, despite her cuteness. She has a high temper, and will sometimes hiss at the sight of a wild cat, just because they live in the forest. She can be peaceful, but very rarely. If you could meet her when in a good mood, consider yourself lucky. When she is not peaceful, she can and will start a fight for no reason at all.

Skills | Is a good hunter for a kittypet and fighter. Is able to keep quiet and hidden for long amounts of time. She has bad balance due to her half-tail.

History | Born in her housefolks nest Cloe lived with her brothers Vergy and Boris and her sister May. Her parents Daisy and Guss, took very good care of them. When May Vergy and Boris were a two moons old, the housefolk took them away somewhere. Cloe never saw them again. Then sometime after, Cloe and Guss got closer to the forest. A wild cat killed her father and Cloe stalked back to her twoleg garden burning with anger. She trusts wild cat rarely, and only the very kind and loving ones can win her trust. Then later on, her mother went out for a walk and never came back. Cloe searched everywhere she could think of, and finally found her body by a small Thunder path. Cloe had no family left and returned to her housefolk, filled with anger and sorrow at the same time. She now lives with them and goes into the forest often, seeking revenge for her lost father, hoping to someday find the cat that killed him. She also, though it is crazy and will more than likely get her killed, tries to attack monsters on the Thunderpath if she ever gets the chance.

[Rolo]

Nice looking character, however there are a few things you need to do before we can accept it.

Right, first of all the amount of lines in each section is too few. You can easily aid this by making all your sentences full sentences, e.g.

"She has a very gentle personality and is always kind to kits. She can be fierce an be fierce but she doesn't like to be. She is very easy to under estimate. She is very loving and kind around friends."

The backbone for a good application is here, but for now your description of her is too brief to get a real flavor of what she is like. You need to develop on her mindset and what drives her so we can understand her better.

She is a loving and kind cat, but why is that? Is it because her mother expected kindness from her? Is it because she believes it's the best way to live? Does she act kindly to cover up a hard past? Is she manipulative and the kindness is just an act?

Try and give your cats psychology. Does her past link to her personality? Ideally, it should. Perhaps her upbringing meant she was kind and loving. Another thing you could dip into is how her fathers death effected her. Has it changed her personality in any way? Does she still hold some hurt from it? Does she want revenge?

If you want to see some applications for an example of what I mean, take a look at:
forest-of-fate.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=apc&action=display&thread=253 <--- Otterfur by Crow. A SHORT but well written bio
forest-of-fate.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=afc&action=display&thread=408 <--- Russetfang by Slug. A longer but very inciteful bio.

If you need any help making this application, do ask me for help. I'll try and aid you in whatever way I can.

[snowstorm]

I was going to re do it after some time. And yes her past is terrible.