Shadefang: :The Stars Lie

[phrosty]

Shadefang (Formally Shade)

Gender |
Tom

Age |
21 Moons

Rank |
Warrior

Clan |
PineClan

Beliefs|
He’s never been exposed to a group of cats that worships StarClan, so he’s never been given a chance to accept them. He knows that the other Clans worship them, but he just can’t imagine living that life. He once tried to understand their opinions, but he found them so illogical and pointless that he ended up snapping at the cats. “StarClan” had never done anything for him, nor had they ever even shown themselves to him. If he couldn’t see them and they couldn’t manage to help him, why should he believe in them?

Parents |
Emma (NP) x Hawk (NP)

Siblings |
Willow, sister (NP)

Other Kin |
None.

Mate |
None, yet.

Crush |
None, yet.

Kits |
None, yet.

Apprentice/Mentor |
None, yet.

Appearance |
Shadefang has a medium-sized body, though his legs seem a bit disproportionate. He’s well-muscled, with thin, short, brown fur. His strong, oddly long legs make him noticeably fast. His tail is quite long.
His fur gets lighter in greenleaf, turning into a deep brown by bareleaf. His eyes are a pale yellow, and seem to have a constant harshness to them.

Personality |
He is a short-tempered, outgoing tom with a tendency to be narrow-minded. He doesn’t see how anyone could believe in something they cannot see. He thinks very highly of himself, and hates when others bring up the fact that he is a coward. He can be rather foolish when he loses control of himself, as he often does.

He claims that the only intelligent cats are those in PineClan. Any Clan based around some idea that old dead cats influence the living world is pure idiocy to him. Thus, he’s intensely loyal to his Clan, despite not having been born there.

Deep down he desperately wants to be leader. However, he doesn’t want to get there by hurting anyone…physically.

Skills |
Being quite fast, Shadefang is a skilled hunter. He isn’t the greatest fighter, and is unlikely to last long in a battle.

History...

Kithood
Shade’s mother was a kittypet. He and his sister were born with twolegs watching, and they were raised in a pampered, soft lifestyle for quite some time. When their mother grew sick, their father came to visit. His wild personality and bizarre antics made him Shade’s instant role model.

His sister wasn’t as impressed, and allowed herself to be taken by twolegs to avoid living with her father and brother. At first, Shade missed his sister dearly, and had trouble focusing. But his father insisted that they would have a better life without her, and Shade believed him.

The Clan
One night, Shade and his father strayed too close to a massive grouping of cats on a full moon. They managed to stay close enough to hear, but far away enough so as not to be detected. They heard the words of the PineClan cats. Shade’s father told him that he could never be a part of a Clan, but if he had to choose, PineClan would be his choice.

Whatever “StarClan” was, it sounded like a waste of time.

The Choice
Shade woke up one morning to find himself completely alone. His father had disappeared, and no matter how hard he looked, no matter how hard he desired, he knew he was gone.

He wandered around for days, barely staying alive. But during this time he felt himself growing mentally stronger. He loved who he’d become, how powerful he was.

But he knew he couldn’t keep living alone. So he strayed back into PineClan territory, quickly catching their attention. He asked to join them, and they eventually accepted.[/center]

[Whiskers]

I really like this bio, though it is a shorter one... perhaps I like it because it is a shorter one. You've done a good job saying what you need to say in a clear way. Like, with Shadefang's looks, you painted a very simple, adequate picture with only a few sentences and I don't require a picture to imagine him. That being said, you still do need to expand on skills, as two sentences just doesn't cut it.

Also, you mentioned at the very end of his personality that he really really really wants to be leader. That is something you should definitely expand on! I'm sure you can discover a lot about your character if you ask yourself why he wants to be leader. How does it appeal to him? What's his motive? Also, he seems quite the moral cat. That's another thing you mentioned in passing that could be explained in more detail.

Your history is fine in length, though the relationship between Shadefang and his father could also be explained. Shadefang's father seemed to influence him greatly and that's pretty important.

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[Rolo]

It's looking very good so far ^^ I must say, I like your writing style.

However, I think a little more is needed on personality. So far we know what he is like and what drives him but we do not know how he reacts with other cats. If you can just put that in, your personality would be fine ^^

[phrosty]

Thanks. I'll fix it. ;D

Can you tell me how I could fix the skills part? I'm not sure what to put there. o.O

[Whiskers]

I'll help you, sure. ^^

It's really just a matter of detail. You can extend what you have, for example: Being quite fast, Shadefang is a skilled hunter. Rarely does he let prey slip from his paws. He can use his speed against enemies in battle, but tires out easily, so fights against Shadefang do not last long. His strength is limited... etc.

Also, you can do mental weaknesses and strengths. Like "because he is so ambitious, usually he gets what he wants." That's a strength of his.

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