lightpaw

[funmaster]

Name | Lightpaw

Gender |She-cat

Age | 8 moons old

Rank | Apprentice

Clan | Streamclan

Beliefs| Lightpaw strongly believes in Starclan. Sometimes she doesn't sleep and stares up at silverpelt all night. she trusts starclan to do what they can to help when danger threatens, but dont have that much power. She is very curious of what it would be like to be a starclan cat. When a cat dies she stares at the sky to look for a new star with their spirit and hopes they have a good afterlife.

Parents | She says her mother was called Silverfur, father unknown

Siblings | Only "child"

Other Kin | If she has it at all, they hunt with Starclan

Mate | Not yet

Crush | Not yet

Kits | Not yet

Apprentice/Mentor | Mentor needed.

Appearance | Lightpaw is pure white cat with tawny spot on head, soft green eyes. She is smaller than most cats of her age. She has a long tail. Her fur is sleek. She is skinny as has been traveling for quite a while.

Personality | Friendly only to cats she fully trusts as to trust an unknown cat is risky and she has a lot of common sense. Very shy due to being driven out of a distant clan after her mother was murdered. She is very loyal. She is normally quite quiet and content except when scared or sad. She is determined as she feels once you decide on a task you HAVE to get it done now, or it will never get done at all. She wants friends but finds it hard to make friends. she trys to stay with other apprentices but can't seem to bring herself to go farther than one or two close friends for company because she feels uncomfortable with too many cats about.

Skills | She is fast and can jump farther and run faster than most her age. Not good at fighting, good at hunting.

History | Her first memory was when she ran from a clan, angry at her for not being fully clan-born. Luckily, she found a loner willing to take care of her. She found it nice but soon got bored with this simple life. The loner also got frustrated... she constantly wanted to play. Lightpaw started wondering why they were acting as if they were the only cats in the world. Lightpaw then mentioned that she wondered why she couldn't join a clan. The loner didn't seem to care about company but agreed to take her to a place where there were more cats. Lightpaw followed the loner and came to the clan. They rested. Lightpaw found a camp and soon heard the name of this clan;' "Streamclan" Lightpaw pleaded to join this new clan.

[Poizuun]

For one, no kits without mothers. Make her an apprentice instead. And she must be a part of a Clan. Just say "StreamClan".
You'll definitely need to extend on her beliefs, personality, appearance, and her history is pretty much impossible.
A kit can't take care of herself alone, especially with predators that could easily take her and kill her.

[Rolo]

Can I advise that you use the Capital letters at the beginning of sentences and names?

The name Flashkit is not acceptable as it isn't traditional... can I suggest using Swan, Dove, White, Bright, Light or another prefix that means white?

As Poi said, at this moment in time we'd prefer it if you just placed her in Streamclan as this site is in early development and we need more clan cats. She also needs to be an apprentice as we are not accepting kits without mothers right now.

Beliefs are ok ^^ Well done.

Using proper sentences in your personality will lengthen it greatly. For example 'Flashkit/paw is a very loyal cat and she is determined in everything she does.'

To lengthen your personality, answer these questions fully:
- Is she a good clan member?
- Does she interact well with other clan members?
- What drives her to do her best? You said she is determined but why?
- Does she follow the warrior code well?
- Why doesn't she trust many cats.

Her appearance needs lengthening, but it could be done if you use full sentences.

Her history... why was she driven from the clan? You really need a reason, as the clan would just have given her a surrogate mother... UNLESS she was half-clan or there was something behind her parents they disliked. Explain why this leader took her in. Was it because it felt sorry for her, or some other reason? Poizuun's suggestion of the loner taking her to the clans to live sounds good, and it would fit with the timing of them forming. That means that she won't have to wander alone and she will have been brought up in the clan.

[Rolo]

The history is alot better, but Flashkit still needs to become an apprentice to join the rp. It's the rules, I'm afraid.

Can you go through and capitalise at the beginning of sentences and names and also do a spell check by copy and pasting this onto Microsoft word and then copying this back.

Please change all of this into proper sentences. Like this:

'Flashpaw is a pure white cat with tawny spot on head. She has soft green eyes. She is alot smaller than most cats of her age but has a very long tail. Her fur is sleek adding to her skinny appearance as she has been traveling alone for moons.'

[funmaster]

i cant do the microsoft word thing cuz this computer doesnt have word :/

[funmaster]

Feb 14, 2009 18:15:48 GMT -5 Rolo said:

The history is alot better, but Flashkit still needs to become an apprentice to join the rp. It's the rules, I'm afraid.

Can you go through and capitalise at the beginning of sentences and names and also do a spell check by copy and pasting this onto Microsoft word and then copying this back.

Please change all of this into proper sentences. Like this:

'Flashpaw is a pure white cat with tawny spot on head. She has soft green eyes. She is alot smaller than most cats of her age but has a very long tail. Her fur is sleek adding to her skinny appearance as she has been traveling alone for moons.'

ok ok shes an apprentice, will need a mentor.

[Rolo]

Would you like me to Microsoft word your thing? It'll capitalise your stuff too. When rping, you really will need to capitalise ^^

[Rolo]

Name | Lightpaw

Gender |She-cat

Age | 6.1 moons old

Rank | Apprentice

Clan | Streamclan

Beliefs| Lightpaw strongly believes in Starclan

Parents | She says her mother was called Silverpool, father unknown

Siblings | Only "child"

Other Kin | If she has it at all, they hunt with Starclan

Mate | Not yet

Crush | Not yet

Kits | Not yet

Apprentice/Mentor | Mentor needed.

Appearance | Lightpaw is pure white cat with tawny spot on head, soft green eyes. She is smaller than most cats of her age. She has a long tail. Her fur is sleek. She is skinny as has been travelling for quite a while.

Personality | Friendly only to cats she fully trusts as to trust an unknown cat is risky, she has a lot of common sense. Very shy due to being driven out of a distant clan after her mother was murdered. She is very loyal. She is normally quite quiet and content except when scared or sad. She is determined as she feels once you decide on a task you HAVE to get it done now, or it will never get done at all.

Skills | She is fast and can jump farther and run faster than most kits. Not good at fighting, promises to be good at hunting.

History | Her first memory was when she ran from a clan, angry at her for not being fully clan-born. Luckily, she found a loner willing to take care of her. She found it nice but soon got bored with this simple life. The loner also got frustrated... she constantly wanted to play. Lightpaw started wondering why they were acting as if they were the only cats in the world. Lightpaw then mentioned that she wondered why she couldn't join a clan. The loner didn't seem to care about company but agreed to take her to a place where there were more cats. Lightpaw followed the loner and came to the clan. They rested. Lightpaw found a camp and soon heard the name of this clan;' "Streamclan" Lightpaw pleaded to join this new clan.



There, that's all spell-checked and capitalised. Copy and paste it into the first post and delete the other ones. Please capitalise in future.

[funmaster]

ok have now ;D
^.^

[Rolo]

That's a heck of alot better than it was, but I can't accept it as Crow has to see it first. He might give you some more tips when he gets online, ok?