Molewhisker

[Rolo]

Molewhisker felt a pang of sorrow as the young cat looked away from him as he appeared in front of her. He had expected such a reaction... but it still hurt. However, he had not lived a life built up of averted glances and looks of disgust and not learnt from it, so not a sign of his sadness marked itself on his face. His eyes continued to glitter over-enthusiastically and he grinned widely.

"Indeed, fortunate Molewhisker did, dear Palepaw," He mewed with a chuckle, his eyes lit up with good humor. He took his cue from Palepaw's body language, and drew back further. He could see the utter revulsion in her eyes. Like most cats, she was probably fearing for her state of health with him near, and he had no wish to infect her with his curse.

Still, despite the cat's averted eyes and acute pitying, Molewhisker's mood remained relatively stable. He hadn't realised how much he'd been enjoying himself. It must have been moons since he had spoken to another cat, and even if that cat wasn't particularly appreciative of his company, he appreciated theirs. He'd be somewhat sad when the cat actually wriggled free of the hole, for he was sure she would run away from him in fright as soon as she did.

He best make the most of the she-cat whilst she were here. "So, apprentice Palepaw, how is honoured Meadowclan these fine days? This cat has not ventured into camp for some days now."

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Among the awkwardness, revulsion, fear, and pity she was feeling, compassion arose from the mix. This poor cat! Her emotions were so strong she even dared look at him for a second, yellow eyes wide with shock. The fact that she had finally gotten out from the hole was of little consequence, now.

"Molewhisker...you shouldn't have to-I mean, you don't need to stay away from camp. It must be cold out here at night...and your fur..." The spotted she-cat trailed off awkwardly, but began to speak again, changing the subject. "MeadowClan's okay. Dappledflower's kits have been born, did you hear? Prey's kinda low, though." It surprised her how, if she only focused on who he was and not what he looked like, it was easier to talk to him. But that was hard, very hard. She'd only achieved that for a moment when she'd looked at him, then gazed away again by sheer instinct.

He was a Clanmate, after all...surely it couldn't be his fault he had some weird disease...and looked so freaky...like a rat or something...she couldn't help shuddering internally, and hoped it didn't show.

The apprentice hung her head, ashamed of her own judgement of a cat by how they looked. It was so hard, so hard to get past that. But she had to keep trying.

[Rolo]

Molewhisker found his mood suddenly dampened by the younger cat's show of despair, pity and sadness for him. The combination of her words, which were so laced with pity and hopeful suggestions, and her desperate struggle to maintain eye contact made him realise how fruitless his current situation was.

Poor Palepaw... so innocent and untouched by the darkness of life. She suggested things, ways of life, Molewhisker could only dream of having. How would a clan react to him, be able to sleep beside him and eat prey he caught, if he lived among them while his curse had taken full hold? He did not know. How would they bare looking at his pitiful form every day? And... how could they spend their entire life, dancing around him, trying not to touch him for fear of gaining the same fate themselves?

But worse... how would he bare every day, spent with dozens of cats with an inability to look at him? No... that he really couldn't do. He would never be able to bare that.

He swallowed, unable to look at the pale she-cat.

"Yes, it does get cold out here." His voice was low, croaking slightly. "A-and... lonely."

His face drooped. "But wretched Molewhisker, no matter how threadbare his damned fur might get, cannot return to camp. This cat is sure that, gratious as Palepaw's invitation is, no cat would want this cat around in this state, no matter what they might say."

He remained silent for a moment, unable to say anymore. However, after a few moments he could do nothing but pull himself together. There was no use spending time in such a depressive state, and he didn't want to worry this young female.

He made a grin form on his face, "But no matter!" Molewhisker's chirpiness returned, "Valiant Molewhisker is quite fine on his own. This cat shall spend all the time he can with beloved Meadowclan and, the rest of the time, the entire glorious world shall be his blessed company! Molewhisker is sincerely glad his clan is doing well... and he is pleased to hear kind Dappleflower has birthed kits. This cat only wishes he could help the prey shortage, but unfortunately this cat knows his help is probably not desired."

He spoke quickly, in a snippy, happy way as if the words were tripping over themselves. He did well at hiding his sorrow, but his cheerfulness was most definitely a tad lacklustre.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

A burst of sympathetic pain seemed to fill the MeadowClanner's chest.. It was enough to make her hesitantly look at him from the corner of her eye. He wasn't so bad, really...once you got past his general hairlessness and weirdness, he was kind of funny. Oh, who was she kidding? She'd never get past her prejudice and fear. But she could try.

Palepaw had to do something, anyway. She'd never forgive herself if she just let Molewhisker keep on living this way without offering to help...even if it was futile, she could say she'd tried.

"Maybe you're right...but you shouldn't give up hope." The apprentice winced inwardly. Stupid, stupid, stupid thing to say. How could this cat believe in even the faintest hope, when he was cursed like this? Well, time for take two.

"Aw, we need all the prey we can get. Even if you only stopped by every quarter moon or so with a catch, it'd help. Or maybe I could deliver it for you...maybe I could even visit you sometimes, and you could help me learn advanced hunting techniques, y'know? I mean, C-crowclaw's pretty busy..."

She'd stuttered on her mentor's name because of the fear he always awoke in the timid apprentice. The spotted gray she-cat couldn't repress a shudder when she said Crowclaw's name, but then immediately worried that Molewhisker might think it was directed towards him. StarClan, please don't let him think that, she prayed.

[Rolo]

Molewhisker sighed, feeling suddenly drained.

What was he supposed to do now?

These suggestions delighted him, gave him a surge of pure joy. For a few brief moments, he dared to ponder the idea of accepting the young she-cat's proposal, as a purely selfish action benefiting him alone, before he swiftly came to the conclusion that it was entirely impossible. He could try and talk himself into believing he could do such things without bringing about reprecussions, but it wouldn't change anything.

Molewhisker avoided thinking. He didn't allow his mind to debate, to argue itself into giving him what he wanted. He couldn't do that.

"The idea of helping collect prey for the clan had crossed this cat's mind before, but he grudgingly realised he could not. Molewhisker would have done so, inquisitive missus, if he thought he could do so without passing along his various ailments. He has no idea if anything he puts his paws on are cursed but, since testing the theory would put another cat at risk, Molewhisker will assume so. So, as much as he'd like to help out yo- his clan, he cannot."

What was the point even being in a clan anyway? Maybe, Molewhisker reasoned, he should go back to wandering around alone, with no loyalty or companions. That way neither Meadowclan or innocent cats like Palepaw would need to worry about him, he would stop being a burden to those he desired happiness for. It was a shame he was so selfish...

"And," Molewhisker ignored the protests in his mind, "As much as Molewhisker adore's your company, which he can assure you is delightful to the highest measure, he fears for your safety. He... he really isn't the safest of cats to choose for company. He does not want you to consign yourself to my side, even briefly, through guilt or a feeling of neccessity or to endanger themselves through naivity. Molewhisker would adore a face to talk to once in a few moons, but he would be selfish to ask for it."

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Palepaw...had never felt like this before. It was such a new feeling, such a deep, aching feeling...she hardly dared investigate it further. It was pity...but more than that. It was a longing to be able to help, to aid this poor wretched cat who should have the benefit of spending time with his Clanmates without worrying about such a thing.

But the apprentice was powerless. Even Molewhisker had said so.

Wait...various ailments? Surely the only thing wrong with him was his fur? The thought of other things lurking on the cat almost made her recoil, but she withstood the temptation. Barely. She couldn't help her yellow eyes widening and her fur bushing up a little.

Then her heart panged again. No one...he had no one. It wasn't surprising, of course, but it made her sympathy grow only bigger. He should have someone...but he couldn't. Even if they only visited him once a moon, from a distance, he should have someone...but who would ever take such a risk? Not her. She didn't have the bravery. But leaving him alone with no help was too much shame to bear.

She gulped in a breath, and said, hardly knowing why for some reason,

"But...that's not selfish. It'd be selfish of other cats not to at least...at least offer. And maybe you're not the safest, but...you're better than my mentor. Trust me. He's scary..." The spotted she-cat shuddered again, trying not to think of the terrifying black tom. But she didn't have the guts to say the thousand other things she wanted to. Even this was taking all her bravery.