Post by Whiskers on Apr 19, 2010 15:24:06 GMT -5
Hey Everly! You've done pretty well for your first cat, but there is a lot you're going to have to change. Don't get discouraged though; this is a process every new member goes through with their first cat, since FoF strives to help members' reach their full potential.
Names: The name "Fairbreeze" is not traditional. You'll have to change it.
Beliefs: I love what you've done so far, but you're missing the core aspect of this section: Belief in Starclan. Here at FoF, belief is one of the most important aspects of a cat, especially because Pineclan operates without the belief in Starclan. Since you want Moss-storm in Pineclan, I'll tell ya right now that she should have no belief in Starclan whatsoever-- this can be expanded on. But, if you wish to make her a believer, you'll have to talk to Rolo about it and get it improved.
Appearance: You describe this cat beautifully-- my only problem is that I had to really search for her pelt color. xD If you could just make it more obvious, that would be great.
Personality: Practical, thoughtful, cautious, imploring-- expand. You breeze over them so fast I hardly even remember them and that's not good. Gimme mooore, girl. I feel as though I don't know this cat very well, can only discern that she is a heartbreaker (I have a cat like that too!) and an optimist.
"...despite this she cannot resist the urge that is her pride for her clan, herself and her friends. Even if she does not truly believe what she says or thinks herself she will always say the best thing possible, though always just out of that personal tone."-- Explain. I don't know what you're getting at here.
Skills: Include something she's bad at too-- hunting, fighting etc.
History: Ah I hate to do this to you but I have to-- you have to redo your whole history.
FoF's main plot states that these four clans have not been around very long-- we're nearing 'round ten moons I believe. Therefore, your cat could not have been born into Pineclan. Please read our site plot and then modify your history to match. I know, it's a pain.
Names: The name "Fairbreeze" is not traditional. You'll have to change it.
Beliefs: I love what you've done so far, but you're missing the core aspect of this section: Belief in Starclan. Here at FoF, belief is one of the most important aspects of a cat, especially because Pineclan operates without the belief in Starclan. Since you want Moss-storm in Pineclan, I'll tell ya right now that she should have no belief in Starclan whatsoever-- this can be expanded on. But, if you wish to make her a believer, you'll have to talk to Rolo about it and get it improved.
Appearance: You describe this cat beautifully-- my only problem is that I had to really search for her pelt color. xD If you could just make it more obvious, that would be great.
Personality: Practical, thoughtful, cautious, imploring-- expand. You breeze over them so fast I hardly even remember them and that's not good. Gimme mooore, girl. I feel as though I don't know this cat very well, can only discern that she is a heartbreaker (I have a cat like that too!) and an optimist.
"...despite this she cannot resist the urge that is her pride for her clan, herself and her friends. Even if she does not truly believe what she says or thinks herself she will always say the best thing possible, though always just out of that personal tone."-- Explain. I don't know what you're getting at here.
Skills: Include something she's bad at too-- hunting, fighting etc.
History: Ah I hate to do this to you but I have to-- you have to redo your whole history.
FoF's main plot states that these four clans have not been around very long-- we're nearing 'round ten moons I believe. Therefore, your cat could not have been born into Pineclan. Please read our site plot and then modify your history to match. I know, it's a pain.
We have a cbox again and we're opening the place up as a closed, members only rp