[FinchxFrost] Smiling with anchors on my shoulders

[Whiskers]

Finchpaw was genuinely excited to hear what Frostpaw had to say about clanlife. As soon as the question-- which had begun as just a harmless thought spoken aloud, really-- had left his mouth, like most questions, it had quickly become an obsession, as if it was the only thing that mattered to him right now. Because it could change everything, couldn’t it? Finchpaw had always known the ‘leave the clan and become a loner’ door had existed, privately fantasizing about it while sorting out herbs, imagining the new places and things he could see. But he had never really opened the door. There were things in the way of that. His father, his brother, Frostpaw, they had been all blocking the door, but as each one stepped aside—as Firestorm abandoned him, as Rowanheart damned him, as even Frostpaw pulled away—the door opened just a crack and that was that. It was open. He could hear and smell and almost see it, and his dream was becoming closer and closer to reality as each second passed with the door open.

But for all his wondering and dreaming and wishing, a big part of Finchpaw didn’t really want to go. He had asked the question not to find the real answer, not to be philosophical about the “Clan’s Great Purpose,” but to convince himself there was a reason to stay.

So of course he was devastated when Frostpaw told him there was no reason. None at all. Fogclan had nothing for him, his life here was pointless. It was the most miserable answer he had ever gotten in his life, which was saying something, considering the foxdung his father had fed him as a kit. It was stupid how much, in that moment, all he really wanted was Frostpaw to say “Well, maybe it’s stupid, but stay for me. For me, at least.”

But she said the opposite of that, pushing him away, encouraging him to go and find adventure and purpose and love elsewhere. So even Frostpaw didn’t care enough if he stayed or went. He might as well pick up and go. Maybe his dad would notice, and Brightnose would probably be a little upset, but really he just annoyed the wits out of her anyway. He’d be lonely for a while, sure, but hey, maybe, with Frostpaw’s excellent tutelage, he could become that daring rogue-type of hero, retrieving kittens from trees and patching up their boo-boos. Yay for him.

He was about to make up some excuse to leave (he really couldn’t handle being told to go away repeatedly; believe it or not, it didn’t make him feel very good about himself) when Frostpaw inadvertently answered his original question. It made him pause, and all bitter, sarcastic thoughts lost their bite as he let these gentler words sink in. Frostpaw wasn’t even aware she had said them, he bet.

I'd go insane living on my own. I did it with my mother for the first few moons of my life and it was horrible. I need a clan

The point of a clan was family. And Frostpaw, although basically friendless, needed a family. And Finchpaw needed that too.

The answer calmed him. It didn’t solve his problems but it gave him hope and he even didn’t react volatilely when Frostpaw insisted she’d ‘make him go.’ It was enough for now. He still felt a little angry at Frostpaw, a little sarcastic, and it sharpened his attitude, but at least he no longer wanted to escape to the medicine cat den (because that—now that was real blasphemy).

“Thanks for the offer, Frostpaw, but I don’t think I’m cut out for the handsome, hero type. Despite my impressive knowledge of herbs and all, which you know, she-cats just can’t resist,” Joking about it was surprisingly easy. It was almost a relief.

“Besides…even with all your training, I couldn’t leave. I wouldn’t be brave enough. AND I would need a sidekick, so you’d have to come with me and since I’d drive you crazy if we were on our own….well I guess we’re at an impasse here,” he smiled slightly and shrugged. “Maybe one day though.”

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[Rolo]

Frostpaw's mood had plummeted to a point it rarely reached. Just like when Rowanheart had broken her the first time, the pointlessness of the life she was currently living had bitten her. All of a sudden, the prospect of Finchpaw leaving her had messed up her brain and she'd found it hard to focus on anything else. It seemed like the right thing for him to do but the wrong thing for him to do. What right did she have to him anyway? All she did was the wrong thing, she could barely call herself a friend. So, even though it hurt, she would support him going off. If he went. She'd hate it. She didn't know why, but it felt impossible living without him here. It was unforseeable.

She was so wrapped up in her own worries, she didn't care to hide her emotions any more. She slouched visably, eyes glazed.

But then, just like last time, Finchpaw came along and saved her again.

His reply was enough to make her smile. It was enough to bring the light back into her eyes. Enough for her to purr loudly.

He wasn't going to go away. He wasn't going to go without her. Why did that relieve her so much? She was beyond questioning and scorning her own dependance now, she was just so unbelievably happy to see Finchpaw remotely himself.

"You're not cut out for a rogue's life? Really?" She asked with mock surprise, grinning, "Well, you might have a point there. Ah well, I like you, hero or not, so you don't need to go off charming females anyway. I'll just have to ignore the smell and you'll need to remember that I'm not a damsel in distress. Or much of a romantic."

She smiled. She felt like a bit like a kit. She wasn't sure why. She was used to coming up with creative insults, but unusual compliments were new to her. Ah well, they were just as fun.

"Anyway, I thought you said that you wanted to become a "loner"." She mewed, her voice a bit more level. "That suggested that you'd be on your own. I thought you wanted to leave me behind anyway. I wouldn't be surprised. I'm not the sort of cat people want to have in their clan, let alone bring as a sole companion on their journey."

The self-awareness was coming back now. Frostpaw didn't want that. She forced the feeling back.

"I'm glad you wouldn't go... without me, though." Frostpaw dipped her head, unable to look the tom in the eye, "I'm not really sure why... but it makes me..."

She faltered. But she was determined. She would do it. She would.

She looked up at him, her face a mix of worry and joy.

"I'd miss you."

[Whiskers]

Frostpaw's mood bounced back with enough energy, it put the sun above to shame-- it was bewildering, how she went from being so serious and distant and aloof, to smiling his favorite, favorite smile. It was amazing how infectious her mood now was too.It erased all of the leftover anger he was feeling, chasing it away like it never existed at all. He could hardly even remember why he was angry in the first place the way Frostpaw was acting. He obviously had said something very, very right to get her like this-- purring, laughing, dazzling. She needed to be like this more. She could light up the whole forest if only she would give herself the chance, did she know that?

But even better than the brilliant Frostpaw before him were the very words coming out of her mouth. At first, the purr aside (don't get him started on how wonderful it was to hear an honest purr from her, he could go on for days), she sounded like the Frostpaw he knew. Seeking banter, using her wit, teasing him comfortably. It was familiar and safe, and everything he felt like two friends should do. It was nice, feeling like real friends...sometimes he felt like was just this annoying kit that followed her around, her burden to bear. Now was the first time in a long time he felt like her equal. Nope, he was no rogue. He wasn't big and strong like his brother and father, he didn't have dashing good looks and he wasn't brave. But something about Frostpaw liking him anyway made up for all that he lacked, like none of that stuff mattered. He didn't have to try with her. For some reason, she accepted him for all his glaringly obvious flaws, all his lesser-than-fantastic strengths, and it was the biggest 'ego boost' Finchpaw would ever receive in his life. If he wasn't afraid she would tuck back in her shell, he would nuzzle her again and thank her over and over, until she ran away from him screaming.

And then it got better.

Three words. Three words could change a life. Rowanheart had once told him that Zoe saying "I love you" to him had been the point of no return. There was no going back from there, once the words were said, and it reshaped the paths one would take. It took Zoe from her kittypet home, it took Rowanheart to the clans, it brought him and his brother into existence.

Well, "I'd miss you" were Finchpaw's three words. It redefined how he felt about himself and his position in the clan, and most importantly of all, in Frostpaw's life. She would have no idea, of course, how highly he thought of her and her opinion. It was scary how much he nearly idolized her in some respects. So seeing that she....somehow...found a place in her heart for him, no matter how miniscule it probably was, cemented him to Fogclan instantly. The door shut. He wouldn't leave. It was his choice now, his preferred option and he was going to take it, and Frostpaw could hem and haw about him being stupid if she wanted, but he wasn't going to leave. If someone here was going to miss him, it meant he had a purpose here, right? It meant that he could find an answer and he would do it with her.

He didn't know exactly how to react to Frostpaw's "I'd miss you" though. It was the last thing he ever expected Frostpaw to say to him. Finchpaw held back on any shows of physical affection though-- he had learned his lesson.

Eyes and mouth smiling, he looked down at Frostpaw, secretly soaking in every second of her unusually soft green eyes. "Leave you? What, and miss you terrorizing Fogclan and the rest of the forest? Frostpaw, I don't think you realize how bored I'd be without you in my life. Plus, I'm pretty sure you'd be saving me more times than not."

He hesitated before going on. He was beginning to figure Frostpaw out, what she was comfortable with and what she was not. He knew she was fine with being playful-- though every word he spoke was the truth-- but if he was even more sincere and serious...would he scare this lovely Frostpaw away?

He had never been a risk taker. But...

"Thanks though... hearing that you'd miss me...it means a lot."

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[Pyro]

((...This is so awkwardturtle :c))
"I'm sure your father would miss you as well."

Reedfoot had been listening in on the two apprentices' conversation for a few minutes, and now was as good a time as any to come in. It was disturbing that Finchpaw could even think about leaving his father and brother behind, not to mention the whole of FogClan. Did he realize what that would do to Rownheart? Or did he realize exactly what it would do and just didn't care? It was disturbing that this conversation was even taking place.

And yet it was strangely touching the way the two looked at each other, the way each word was special in its own right. It didn't change the fact that their talk was out of line. Treasonous at worst, even. Any other council member would be dragging them back battered and bruised by the scruffs of their tainted necks...But these things had to be handled delicately. The goal was not to alienate cats from StarClan and Miststar's reign, but to bring them closer so that they could understand what wonderful blessings both of them were.

In any case, she wasn't about to hurt, of all cats, Rowanheart's son. Rowanheart's sons seemed to be everything to him. As a friend, she couldn't...And as much as she wanted to literally slap some sense into Frostpaw, the source of much of Rowanheart's stress, she knew she couldn't do that either. She wasn't sure if Finchpaw would dare interfere, but she wasn't going to take that chance. If he did interfere, then she'd have to punish him, and she did not want to go to Rowanheart with that sort of news. Besides, beatings had to be reserved for truly warped cats, not apprentices who had lost their way.

Reedfoot looked from Frostpaw to Finchpaw. Had she put the idea of leaving into his head? Or had he thought of it on his own? Everything Rowanheart had said previously led her to believe the former. Reedfoot herself often counted her among the cats who were sinners to the core. But she seemed so harmless right now...waylaid like Otterclaw. A cat who couldn't help but drag others down with her.

"I suggest you two head back to camp. I'd hate to have to make a report, especially when the both of you should know better by now than to engage in such troubling conversation."

[Rolo]

It was funny how quickly the mood switched in the clearing. For the past few minutes, it had been intimate, light and completely awkward. Tentative but jovial, the conversation had finally peaked with a joyful exchange of the likes Frostpaw had never experienced. And then Reedfoot came in and it became the exact opposite. No, Frostpaw didn't do romance. Any other cat, caught speaking what she could only think to describe as 'sweet nothings' to one they had a bond with, would feel ill at ease, frightened and embarrassed. Not her. As soon as the she-cat appeared, she felt as if she had come into her own. Gone was the awkwardness that had plagued her for much of the situation and out came the confidence she usually portrayed. She stood strong in the face of threat, entirely comfortable in the negative situation. Her words came back to her and she knew exactly what to say and exactly what to say it. In the face of adversity, nothing could hurt her, but when she talked to one she liked (loved?) everything could. Frostpaw wasn't exactly glad the she-cat had appeared. She knew instantly that the situation was grave, since she had not only been caught rubbing noses with Rowanheart's son (this alone would be enough to get her outcasted further and Finchpaw banished to the Medicine cat den) but spreading 'traitorous messages' to the young tom. There was little she could do to come out of this well, and it was bound to have reprocussions she didn't even want to think about. However, bad as it was, she was also glad to be in a situation she knew how to handle. Even if this situation was one she would, without a doubt, come out badly from. The one Finchpaw had just presented her with was completely beyond her expertise, and she'd rather have had a billion insults and a few beatings from saying something wrong in this one than any negative outcome from that one. Frostpaw knew she never going to come out of this situation well anyway, which gave her the freedom to act as she wished. After all, if her body was going to be scratched beyond repair anyway, what was an extra ripped ear? Perhaps talking her way into things would distract from Finchpaw's crimes anyway. She stepped forward towards the she-cat, smirking slightly. "Finchpaw is very lucky to have a father who cares about him." Frostpaw said casually, "I don't have any family. The closest I have to family is a mentor... and I'm not sure he'd miss me very much if I left." She giggled. Reedfoot was one of the softest council members, and that comment was likely to make her stop and rethink things again. Otterclaw had told her that she had become hard-hearted and pious since becoming a council member, rejecting him in the process, but Frostpaw had little doubt that she was still quite sympathetic at heart. She was showing it now. She would have reported them if she didn't 'feel' for them in some, inconcievable way. Still, she was being passive aggressive. Frostpaw wasn't going to take orders from her when all she was doing was having a conversation with a friend. Nah, scrap that. She just refused to take an order from a council member because... well, that'd be too easy for them. And less fun. "I agree. The idea of Finchpaw being a roaming male is quite troubling. It's just as well he'll be staying in Fogclan, because I'm not sure he'd be very good at it. Or even good at it. Thank the earth he's given up on that idea, I don't think he'd last a day." Frostpaw grinned stupidly. "I make enough trouble for the both of us, so he never has to. So don't you worry about that one. Besides, we've both been good and we've considered our options and have chosen Fogclan despite that. Even my choosing Fogclan means choosing to be a non-believing Fogclanner. But he's decided to stay and, lucky for you, so am I, so there isn't really anything to report anyway." Frostpaw said. It was too much fun twisting these words back at Reedfoot again, in her bright, cheery way. She'd given Finchpaw plently of places to wriggle out of things if he felt the need to, but he could fight his corner also if he wanted. She didn't care what he did. Since the moment had presented itself and she'd dug herself a huge whole, she was going to fling the shovelfuls of mud in Reedfoot's direction. Speaking

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