~It Takes Two To Whisper Quietly~(CrowxJunco) G

[Cloud of Diamonds]

"Y-you're r-right, Crowpaw. Y-you don't d-deserve this. I...I-I'm, well, w-what c-can I say?" She smiled a smile full of despair and regret. Really. She DARED to like him. She DARED to think he'd accept her. No. She was simply a burden for him to carry. A yoke. A thing he had bravely, though probably distastefully, come to help. Much like his wonderful sister, who probably did the same.

"Y-you don't h-have to help m-me, if you d-don't want to. Y-you've d-done so m-much already."

Then she actually considered his words, and hung her head. They were true. She should just stop. Act like a real cat and not some sniveling mouse-brain. But the very thought frightened her. She was ashamed to admit it, but there it was. Just another proof of how unworthy she was.

Insecure...yep. If there was one word that summed her up, that was it. She wasn't secure in anything - herself, her mind, not even her friends. If she had friends. They probably just put up with her because they pitied her wretchedness. As she deserved.

Lesser...of course she was lesser, couldn't he see? Couldn't he see that she would never be as bright and as beautiful as he was? But he was kind; he tried to pretend otherwise. Or perhaps he truly believed that. Doubtful, but possible. Ah, such a sweet thought. Probably not true, though. Mustn't get her hopes up.

She looked at the little black tom with a mixture of longing, grief, and gratitude and hoped he would understand.

"Oh, Crowpaw. I wish I weren't scared. I wish it so much. But...I just CAN'T not be. It's like...I don't know. I can't get rid of it. Like it's all I have left, somehow. Yeah, I know it's dumb. I know I shouldn't be scared. But I am. I'm sorry." Her blue eyes and silver and black face were full of regret.

She figured she shouldn't even mention that she was truly less. It would only make him more angry.

She smiled another sad smile. How could he not be angry? It was practically impossible.

"I'm sorry, Crowpaw. You're right. I shouldn't put you through this. It's just my hideous personality, I suppose, cause it's mean like this."

"But! I don't want to put you through any more of this, so let's do something else. Hey look, leaves."

It was. A whole big pile of leaves left over from last leaf-fall. Without hesitating, the silver apprentice jumped in and burrowed down deep, only her eyes and nose peeping out back at her friend.

Quirky Juncopaw is quirky.

[glowlynose]

Crowpaw sighed, shaking his head sadly. There would be simply no getting through to Juncopaw just yet, he supposed. Her 'inferiority' was too deeply embedded into her character for her to believe that she was equal to every other cat in the forest. Well, no, that was a lie. Those that she wasn't better than, she was equal to. She was a much better cat than Mistpelt, the Salem-brand Puritan of the four clans, ever would be. He knew that for a fact. Any cat who was Crowpaw's friend belonged to a better breed of feline, in his opinion. No, he didn't look down upon anybody, but he chose his close friends carefully. Hah, that may come as a surprise to some, considering his friendly disposition toward everybody.

"Juncopaw, trust me. I'm not gonna stop trying to help you. 'M a bit too stubborn for that." He grinned at his friend, trying his very hardest to make his smile banish any negative feelings she might have. Negative feelings, after all, were the bane of life as he knew it. Crowpaw tried desperately, though his efforts were seemingly in vain, because Juncopaw was still being down on herself. Drat. He should have known that her case would take more than a flower and one earth-shattering conversation to start to fix. "See, if somebody tells me not to try and cheer them up, I tend to just ignore that."

"Hey, whatcha hiding in the leaves for? The sky's all blue now. Somebody must have cheered up up there. Your turn." That being said, he waited a few seconds for it to soak in, and then he jumped into the leaves. What was it with him and tackling today? He was in such a weird mood. Tackling moods were interesting things, he decided as he burrowed around in the musty, forgotten pile. He was, of course, looking for some part of Juncopaw to attach himself to. A leg, shoulder, ear, anything would do, really. Hide-and-seek was so much fun in the dark! Dejected when he couldn't seem to find his friend, he wormed his way out of the leaves. These would be good to bring back to the medicine den, actually. He thought that dried leaves like these were used for... something. Were they wrapped around wounds, or plastered on to prevent infection? In any case, if they were useless for any patient treatment, he could restock their supply of poultice-holders. Yes. That's what he would do, and Juncopaw could help! Lynxpelt would be so proud of him when he came back with these! He'd found them all on his own too. Crowpaw cast aside the thought that everything he'd done, he'd done himself as far as training went, shaking his head. At least this was teaching him how to do things and figure out problems on his own. After Lynxpelt was gone, there was no telling if he'd have a colleague or not.

Taking a few of the large leaves out of the pile, he began to sort them out into usable and unusable. "Hey Juncopaw, you wanna come out of there and help me with this? I'm organizing the leaves. We'll take the useful ones back to camp. Might take us a few trips. The herbs can wait until tomorrow. Oh, and for the record, you do not have a hideous personality. I just wish I didn't have to go looking for it is all. You oughta let the real you come out more often, the you who isn't scared to be you." It never once occurred to him that Juncopaw might be bothered by his partially taking apart her precious pile for his job. All that mattered was that she would come out of the dark, see the blue sky, and get to help him. Narrowing his eyes in concentration, the night-pelted tom began to brainstorm ways to fix Juncopaw. She needed to be fixed 'cause she was broken, and being broken must hurt something awful. Flowers and Love forbid Crowpaw to ever leave somecat in pain.

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[Cloud of Diamonds]

The thoughts had swirled, but they were settling now. They were more like spurts of emotion and memory, though - but that was all thoughts were anyway, weren't they? Ah well, she couldn't know. Such things were far above her dull mind.

The silver tabby smiled a sad little smile at his first words - how noble he was, how dashing, how brave, how clever, how - she should really shut up now. How much she didn't deserve it.

For a moment, the little feline had to wonder at the vast scope of the black tom's wisdom - so bright! So truthful! How much could those innocent blue-green eyes see? Could they see even through her thick skull and dull, beating heart? She blushed under her fur, partially at the ridiculousness of the idea and partially at what he'd find there if he could do such a thing.

Thank goodness he couldn't. Even she knew that medicine cats, talented though they were, were incapable of mind reading.

As she peeked out from her covering of flat fronds, her eyes and ears registered something most unusual. Was he...inviting her to do something? Her turn? Her turn for what? She felt confused - even more so when he jumped in a few foxtails from her and tunneled around in the vast, multicolored heap of oak tree leavings. He seemed to be trying to get to her...yet he didn't.

Now a small frown creased the broadish face. What was he doing, stirring up this nice pile? Why...oh. These must be herbs of some kind, she reasoned. Of course. She looked at the dead things quizzically - she'd never understood how dry, rustly things most cats barely gave half a glance to could mend broken bones, cure illnesses, and save lives. There had been a short time when Juncopaw had wanted to be a medicine cat - but she'd soon realized what an awful lot of work it was, even more than becoming a warrior. Well, she was probably too lazy - she admitted that she was happiest eating and talking to her friends. Even if Willowpaw teased her because of her appetite sometimes.

She blushed again when he talked about the leaves. She really hoped it didn't show in her expression - she did her best to conceal the sudden, silly feelings she so often got around him.

"Uh, sure. Thanks. Erm...should I gather some oak leaves too?"

She decided to avoid answering his flattering if embarrassing comment. Hopefully he'd understand.