Post by Cloud of Diamonds on Aug 10, 2010 3:01:57 GMT -5
"Y-you're r-right, Crowpaw. Y-you don't d-deserve this. I...I-I'm, well, w-what c-can I say?" She smiled a smile full of despair and regret. Really. She DARED to like him. She DARED to think he'd accept her. No. She was simply a burden for him to carry. A yoke. A thing he had bravely, though probably distastefully, come to help. Much like his wonderful sister, who probably did the same.
"Y-you don't h-have to help m-me, if you d-don't want to. Y-you've d-done so m-much already."
Then she actually considered his words, and hung her head. They were true. She should just stop. Act like a real cat and not some sniveling mouse-brain. But the very thought frightened her. She was ashamed to admit it, but there it was. Just another proof of how unworthy she was.
Insecure...yep. If there was one word that summed her up, that was it. She wasn't secure in anything - herself, her mind, not even her friends. If she had friends. They probably just put up with her because they pitied her wretchedness. As she deserved.
Lesser...of course she was lesser, couldn't he see? Couldn't he see that she would never be as bright and as beautiful as he was? But he was kind; he tried to pretend otherwise. Or perhaps he truly believed that. Doubtful, but possible. Ah, such a sweet thought. Probably not true, though. Mustn't get her hopes up.
She looked at the little black tom with a mixture of longing, grief, and gratitude and hoped he would understand.
"Oh, Crowpaw. I wish I weren't scared. I wish it so much. But...I just CAN'T not be. It's like...I don't know. I can't get rid of it. Like it's all I have left, somehow. Yeah, I know it's dumb. I know I shouldn't be scared. But I am. I'm sorry." Her blue eyes and silver and black face were full of regret.
She figured she shouldn't even mention that she was truly less. It would only make him more angry.
She smiled another sad smile. How could he not be angry? It was practically impossible.
"I'm sorry, Crowpaw. You're right. I shouldn't put you through this. It's just my hideous personality, I suppose, cause it's mean like this."
"But! I don't want to put you through any more of this, so let's do something else. Hey look, leaves."
It was. A whole big pile of leaves left over from last leaf-fall. Without hesitating, the silver apprentice jumped in and burrowed down deep, only her eyes and nose peeping out back at her friend.
Quirky Juncopaw is quirky.
"Y-you don't h-have to help m-me, if you d-don't want to. Y-you've d-done so m-much already."
Then she actually considered his words, and hung her head. They were true. She should just stop. Act like a real cat and not some sniveling mouse-brain. But the very thought frightened her. She was ashamed to admit it, but there it was. Just another proof of how unworthy she was.
Insecure...yep. If there was one word that summed her up, that was it. She wasn't secure in anything - herself, her mind, not even her friends. If she had friends. They probably just put up with her because they pitied her wretchedness. As she deserved.
Lesser...of course she was lesser, couldn't he see? Couldn't he see that she would never be as bright and as beautiful as he was? But he was kind; he tried to pretend otherwise. Or perhaps he truly believed that. Doubtful, but possible. Ah, such a sweet thought. Probably not true, though. Mustn't get her hopes up.
She looked at the little black tom with a mixture of longing, grief, and gratitude and hoped he would understand.
"Oh, Crowpaw. I wish I weren't scared. I wish it so much. But...I just CAN'T not be. It's like...I don't know. I can't get rid of it. Like it's all I have left, somehow. Yeah, I know it's dumb. I know I shouldn't be scared. But I am. I'm sorry." Her blue eyes and silver and black face were full of regret.
She figured she shouldn't even mention that she was truly less. It would only make him more angry.
She smiled another sad smile. How could he not be angry? It was practically impossible.
"I'm sorry, Crowpaw. You're right. I shouldn't put you through this. It's just my hideous personality, I suppose, cause it's mean like this."
"But! I don't want to put you through any more of this, so let's do something else. Hey look, leaves."
It was. A whole big pile of leaves left over from last leaf-fall. Without hesitating, the silver apprentice jumped in and burrowed down deep, only her eyes and nose peeping out back at her friend.
Quirky Juncopaw is quirky.