Awake at Night [Open]

[wild]

I feel more alone everyday
And you're so far away

Dapplestorm stirred, awaking from her sleep. She opened one eye, an effort thanks to the sleep weighing it down. She opened her other eye, and raised her head. She yawned, and lay there for several moments, unwilling to leave her warm den. Dapplestorm became more and more awake, her tiredness ebbing away. She was ready to start a fun day of hunting for basically nothing. Oh joy. Her stomach growled reproachfully, and she growled back. Her green eyes looked around the den. Most of the warriors happened to be sleeping as well. When Dapplestorm peered outside, she realized that it was night time. She was hardly surprised, as she had been awaking at odd hours ever since leaf-bare started.

Dapplestorm placed her small paw gently on the freezing ground. Behind this paw followed the rest of her body. She was not usually this willing to go out into the cold rather than stay in the den, but Dapplestorm was no longer tired, and felt the energy buzzing through her. She shook her dappled coat, black spots and stripes on a blank white canvas. Hunting in leaf-bare came easy to the she-cat, as her pelt blended in well with the snow. She padded over to the fresh-kill pile. Or where the fresh-kill pile had been. She snorted. There was nothing there. She knew that even if there was something to eat, it wouldn't look good on her part as she hadn't been contributing a whole lot. But what was there to contribute? Dapplestorm turned from the empty spot and padded toward the small river that ran through the camp. She sat down beside it, and looked up to the heavens.

The bright leaf-bare moon shone down into camp, turning her coat silver. She stared at it until the brightness began to hurt her eyes. Dapplestorm blinked and turned toward the river. She watched it with little interest, her breath coming out in cloudy wisps. She yawned, and considered doing some night hunting. The Dapplestorm thought about it, the less she wanted to actually go hunting. There wouldn't be much prey out, anyway.

I know something's got to change
Inside of me

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Oh, for a muse of fire...

...or darkness.

Why couldn't she sleep? The tortoiseshell apprentice laid stretched out in a tangle of long dark brown and orange fur and bony limbs. Honestly. Why in the Cat Gods' name was slumber impossible? Maybe if she had someone to sleep right next to her...but she had no close friends willing to do that. Darkstorm would have, maybe...but she was dead.

What use was it brooding on it...why did she do it? She knew, yet...ugh. None of this was helping Duskpaw get to sleep. The apprentice might as well go out and sit in the cold for how far she was getting.

Sit out in the cold...then again maybe that wasn't such a bad idea.

Perhaps the temperature would numb her and make her mind slow...and then she could stumble back into her nest and go to sleep. Yeah.

Getting to her paws, the lanky StreamClanner stepped out of her bed, trying not to trod on her denmates.

The multicolored tortoiseshell was surprised to see the silhouette of another cat sitting by the tiny stream that went through camp. Should she go talk to them? Who were they? She sniffed the air. A warrior, she thought...but not one whose name she could immediately remember. How embarrassing. Not talking, then. Too easy to embarrass herself. Instead she planted herself right outside the apprentices' den. curling up on the cold, hard ground.

[wild]

Dapplestorm looked over her shoulder. She heard a stirring in the apprentice's den, and her eyes rested on a young cat. The she-cat was not overly fond of younger cats. They bothered her for some reason. Perhaps it was their awful carelessness, and not seeing the world for what it truly was; a dark place full of death, hatred and sorrow. They could act as though everything was alright all they wanted, but reality will always come back nipping at their tales. Ignorant children, they all were. Dapplestorm turned away from the apprentice, feeling not the slightest bit of interest as to why a young cat was up so late. Dapplestorm snorted, a jet of steam emitting from her flaring nostrils, giving her a rather horse-like appearance. How flattering.

Dapplestorm looked back at the tortoiseshell apprentice, and took some time to note her features. She looked very tired, and perhaps somewhat depressed. The she-cat wondered what made the apprentice look so glum. She couldn't possibly have faced the pain the warrior had gone through, with the loss of her family and all. Curse that journey. It had taken away the lives of too many loved ones for her to bear. It was amazing that she did not perish with them. At this point, she wish she did. Dapplestorm sighed and turned away again. The looked up at the clear sky. At StarClan. She felt they were growing more and more distant every day, yet part of her still wanted to believe that her ancestors were always there for her.

Shaking her head, unable to get the young cat out of her head, she stood up and swung around. Dapplestorm padded across the clearing slowly, her warm paws leaving tracks in the frost. She meowed softly in greeting, unwilling to wake up any more cats. One young cat was enough, she did not need more. "Hi," Dapplestorm started. She wasn't sure what name the apprentice had. Now that was embarrassing. "Erm... I can't recall your name. I must have been out during your naming ceremony." Dapplestorm blinked, and scratched the ground with her claw. This was going horrible already. "My name is Dapplestorm by the way," she finished.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

OOC: o-o This is seriously weird. The odd thing is Duskpaw too suffered a lot on the journey (she lost her mother and brother and all her other relations stayed behind).

Oh...it seemed that the warrior wanted to talk to her anyway. Duskpaw felt slightly more cheerful for it, but there was also the added anxiety of what to say back. It wasn't surprising Dapplestorm didn't know her name; there were a lot of StreamClan apprentices, after all. Her, Spottedpaw, Minnowpaw, Flamepaw, Shadepaw, Gingerpaw, Featherpaw, Mistpaw...so, eight including herself. No wonder the spotted she-cat didn't know her name.

Um...so...now what? What cold she say that wouldn't totally embarrass herself?

"Yeah...warriors gotta do stuff, I guess. Lots of stuff, am I right?" She smiled in a crooked kind of way. "I'm Duskpaw, by the way. Good to meet ya."

It was true, though the StreamClanner knew it might not seem so to her companion. But Duskpaw did like meeting new cats; everyone was a potential new friend. If they could put up with her mood swings, and the kind of naughty things she said, her brooding, the random times her mind went blank, her spurts of dumbness....

And a warrior probably wouldn't be interested in knowing an apprentice. If they did, they might have less friends themselves. She half laughed, half sighed at the thought of it.

But still, a small chance was better than no chance at all.

[wild]

Dapplestorm was able to notice how self-conscious the young she-cat was. The warrior was almost the same, only she wouldn't have replied so willingly to a new cat. It was especially bad when it came to meeting other cats from different Clans at Gatherings, hence Dapplestorm preferred to stay behind and guard the camp. Not that she enjoyed it, but for some reason one can't go out hunting during a gathering, but had to remain in camp. Dapplestorm thought it was ridiculous, but really only because she didn't like it.

Warriors do lots of stuff? Dapplestorm blinked. Half the time she spent out of camp she was wandering, not doing anything. One would even call her a loner if it weren't for her StreamClan scent. "Sure," she meowed, trying to make it sound like it had truth in it. She was sure that most warriors did about ten times more than she did. Dapplestorm had an awful disconnection with her Clan. Perhaps it was time to get over herself and make some friends, starting with the cat right in front of her. Duskpaw, her name was. "Likewise," she said, in response to her last few words. Dapplestorm looked about awkwardly. The worst part about talking; thinking of something to talk about. What in the name of StarClan could a warrior talk about with an apprentice? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, Dapplestorm thought.

She returned her attention to Duskpaw. As she looked at her closely, she felt a very faint recognition. "Were you on the journey?" she wondered out loud. She wondered how such a young cat could have been on the journey. From start to finish, anyway. Dapplestorm began to feel almost special that she could share her story about the journey that Duskpaw didn't already know.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Duskpaw nodded, listening...until the warrior's question. Then the brooding took over and the mental shields went up. Her shoulders hunched and her orange eyes widened then narrowed, and she sucked in a breath.

The tortoiseshell had never been very good at disguising her feelings.

The overwhelming sadness that that simple question aroused was vast. Oh, Darkstorm, if only she'd lived, if only Duskpaw hadn't been there to slow her up, guilt...and Gingerkit, where was he now? Dead? Alive? Would she ever know? And all her other relations...dead, far away, or just gone. That journey...the only good thing about it had been the end of it, when she'd gotten her name.

She hated Dapplestorm a little for asking that. But then, she couldn't have known...she was just trying to be friendly. As tempting as it was, she wouldn't blame the older cat for her spring of emotions. But she had to say something, and she wanted to keep her sorrow, anger, guilt, etc. out of her voice. She had a chance to make a good impression. The StreamClanner knew she would have be a total idiot to waste it.

"Yeah, I was. It wasn't fun, though." The dark-furred cat mumbled, looking at her paws. Of course it hadn't been fun, not for any cat, she suspected. Once again, Duskpaw displayed her incredible skill with words. Not.

[wild]

Dapplestorm suddenly felt regret for her question. It seemed to upset the apprentice. She actually got a rather worried look in her eye and she noticed Duskpaw's sudden change of posture. The kind that told her that she hit a nerve of some kind. Dapplestorm looked the other way for the time being. She returned her gaze to the apprentice when she spoke. Not fun, indeed. That cursed journey was anything but fun. "Yeah," Dapplestorm agreed, her voice flat.

She thought of her mother and her brother. She thought of the handful of friends she had made. The one that drowned in the river, and the ones that went their separate ways. Some friends, Dapplestorm thought with much bitterness. Maybe they didn't like her at all. They probably just pretended. Who could be friends with a miserable, dreadful fur-ball like her? Why would anyone want to be friends with ugly, moping, moaning Dapplestorm? The she-cat snorted.

The only life that actually was not taken by the journey was the life of her brother. He died of green-cough. At this point, Dapplestorm was hoping she would die the same way. Usually a warrior would rather die honourably in battle, but how could you feel honour if you were dead? Besides, if she died, she would be joining her mother and brother in StarClan... If they were still there for her, anyway. Dapplestorm then remembered the young she-cat in front of her, and looked up, realizing now that she had her head hung low as she lost herself in thought.

"Of course it wasn't fun," Dapplestorm began, a cold and bitter hint rising in her voice. "Unless you find leaving the place you barely even got to know and losing everyone close to you can be considered fun!" Dapplestorm unsheathed her claws, her fur bristling. She fought to keep her emotion under control, and just managed to succeed. She exhaled slowly, and let her fur lie flat. "I'm sorry," she muttered. Maybe I should go back to sleep, she thought miserably. But she would do no such thing. Dapplestorm was wide awake now, and she knew she wouldn't be falling asleep again until some time close to mid-day.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

So...so cold. So...harsh and real. Fervently the apprentice wished she weren't there, anywhere but sitting there, cringing, in front of an angry she-cat who was so, so right.

Good impression attempt denied.

The tortoiseshell cowered, lowering herself to the ground, curling up, trying to hide her face under her fluffy tail, trying not to let the spotted warrior see how upset she was, in spite of its uselessness - of course she could see.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. She knew all of that, every single word Dapplestorm had said. The same thing had happened to her, what the other cat had said. It had probably happened to Dapplestorm too. If things were different, that might have helped them understand each other. As it was, it only caused another pang for Duskpaw when she thought of it. Stupid, brainless her.

She buried her muzzle in her tail, shutting her orange eyes, muttering her family's names into her fur as a source of comfort, hoping Dapplestorm wouldn't say anything else.

Sorry...well, at least maybe Dapplestorm had some idea of how upset she'd made Duskpaw. She should, the mean furball, part of her thought scornfully. But another bit of the StreamClanner was shocked at her own ingratitude. She should just...go inside. Coming out had only been a mistake. But then...she had to say something before just walking off. For some reason.

Hoping and not hoping Dapplestorm could hear her, she meowed,

"No...Darkstorm...I'm sorry..." Then closed her mouth with horror, not intending to have said her mother's name. Oh, Cat Gods. What would Dapplestorm think now?

[wild]

Dapplestorm looked at the young she-cat in front of her, and realized she had made her very uncomfortable. Who wouldn't be? The dappled she-cat had just exploded. Her ears twitched as a response to what Duskpaw had just said. Dapplestorm was confused and a little irritated at the same time. She had to wonder who Darkstorm was, however. Probably Duskpaw's mother. The she-cat thought of her own mother with great sadness. But then, Darkstorm may not be Duskpaw's mother but perhaps a sister or friend. Dapplestorm learned not to make any assumptions. The only assumption she ever made was that she was wrong, and she did so now.

Putting her irritation at the false name aside, Dapplestorm chose to inquire who Darkstorm was. "Who?" she asked, raising a eyebrow, trying tro make it look as though being called the incorrect name didn't bother her. It bothered her, alright, but Dapplestorm was aware that she had caused this cat enough grief as it is. This conversation probably would not last a whole lot longer. She noticed that the moon had shifted, but not by much.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Well...at least the spotted she-cat wasn't angry anymore. That was good. It was enough to at least make the apprentice raise her head and shuffle in an embarrassed way back to a normal sitting position. Idiot she was, whimpering and moaning like that. Still, she was helpless to resist the onrush of emotion those hard words had woken up...

Looking at the ground, she muttered, "She was my mother, she died on the journey. But...agh. I'm sorry to act like this, I just..." For some reason, she found enough courage to look at Dapplestorm again, an apologetic grimace on her face.

She half laughed, half sighed. "I'm sorry you had to see me break down like that. I mean, you were kinda harsh...but still, I shouldn't have acted like that. Sorry."

The tortoiseshell realized that it was getting lighter, and was struck by a pang of fear that some cat had heard the whole exchange. But no..no surprised faces popped out of dens, no noise could be heard besides her quiet voice. Maybe things would be okay. Maybe.