Watch the sparks fly out the window...

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Brightnose sat quietly in her den, pressing the herbs she'd collected earlier with Finchpaw. Nipping off a horsetail root, she contemplated the events of the day. How Finchpaw had gone from nervous to happy to guarded to outright hateful. She yearned to know why. But her dislike of over-emotional situations held her back from asking him directly. And he'd probably just snap at her again, saying it was none of her business. It shocked her. He had never been like this before. Nervous, yes, she reflected as she brushed the pile of ready-to-store horsetail into a crack in the storage rock and started on the oak leaves. Happy, rarely. But never so outrightly vehement..or was that the wrong word? Was the right word protective? Protective of...whatever he wanted to hide. For though she wasn't entirely sure it was some huge secret, she was almost certain he was hiding something. Where was the amber-eyed apprentice, anyway? She hadn't seen him since...the arguement, and it beginning to get late. She hoped he'd turn up soon.

[Whiskers]

The sunlight was fleeting as the day surrendered to the dusk. The night came quicker now that leaf-fall was beginning to settle on the forest, and Finchpaw's heart felt heavier because of it. No more sunshine, no more flowers-- it would get cold all too soon and the forest's heartbeat would die down to a whisper. The mood of the forest matched his own as he finally slipped back into camp after half a day spent alone.

After Brightnose had left, the feeling of remorse had consumed him, but Finchpaw was too tempted by the outdoors to follow her immediately and apologize. This didn't help his guilty conscience one bit, but Finchpaw had managed to ignore it long enough to practice more climbing and hunting.

He was so selfish. Urgh.

Now it was time to face his mentor though and properly apologize... if only he knew how. Finchpaw took his last breath of fresh air before walking into the den, the smell of herbs hitting him full force. Of course Brightnose was there, doing her duties and sorting herbs.

"Brightnose..." Finchpaw said.

And then he stopped, the "sorry" he was desperately looking for caught in his throat. Instead he simply nodded stiffly and then walked toward the herb pile, the tension in the air so thick, he could hardly breathe. Or was that just the herbs again? Oh, nevermind. Why was he finding it so difficult to say he was sorry anyway? He really was sorry for snapping...but then again, he didn't regret his words. He had meant them. He wanted everyone to stay out of his business. It was already bad enough that Rowanheart and Firepaw were watching his every move. Finchpaw...he couldn't handle worrying about Brightnose too.

All he wanted was for things to be normal. For her not to care anymore.

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[Cloud of Diamonds]

The gold, white, and black FogClanner snapped to attention as Rowanheart's better son (in her opinion) came in. The anxiety radiating from him was almost palapable, or was it her imagination? He'd said, her name, seeming to start to say something but then stopping. How Brightnose longed to say exactly what she needed to, what would make the tangle of emotions and mental barriers go away! Woah, start small, Brightnose, said her mind. That's a mighty lofty aim. Just start small, and work your way up. Thank you, logic, my savior. "Hello, Finchpaw." She mewed quietly, as if nothing had happened. After he'd joined her in doing the herb processes, she was silent for a few minutes, pondering what to say. Finally, she came up with what she hoped was a good enough response: "I'm sorry about what happened earlier, Finchpaw. I promise that it will never occur again. It's just that I care about you, not only as a medicine cat apprentice, but as a young cat with needs and desires. But I understand why you were angry at me today, and I want you to know I'm not mad at you." She winced. Had she really said all that? Great, now he'd probably think she was a soppy idiot. Maybe he'd even snap again, for all she knew. Great job, genius, she growled at herself in her head. Just beautiful.

OoC: He's gonna hate her now, isn't he? She said exactly what he didn't want her to say. x3 Buuuut, it's what Brighty would say, so yeah.

[Whiskers]

With each word, she made his heart heavier. It as like Brightnose was stacking stones in his chest with hardly a care, though she was unaware of how badly these things affected him since she did not know the whole story. So since she was not at fault in the slightest, why did he feel so upset at her? He wished he could walk out and go find someone to talk to, but Frostpaw was out and when she was gone... he was left with...

With no one.

The epiphany woke him up with a sudden quick jab to the stomach. Finchpaw had always thought he had friends, but in reality, he was putting on a happy face while isolating himself from ever really knowing anyone. He had given up on cats he had met before he even gave them a chance-- he had never let anyone prove to him they could be trusted and now he was paying for it. How stupid he was. Truly stupid.

But now that he had done it already, he felt like there was no going back. Besides, Brightnose was the one cat in the entire world he would never tell. She was a stupid medicine cat after all.

"Don't apologize like your the apprentice and I'm the mentor," he did not look at her as he talked, and his voice was clearly exhausted, void of any true emotion. "I was in the wrong. I should not have snapped at you, I should have stayed reposed and respectful. And so for that, I am truly sorry."

Finchpaw sighed as he made a rather rudimentary poultice and then realized he should address the second part of Brightnose's speech. "I know that you naturally have some affection toward me... but perhaps it's better if we keep a professional relationship. Don't you think so?"

He mustered up a tiny smile for her and then turned back to his poultice. Good. That was done with...now he could move on...right?

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[Cloud of Diamonds]

Thoughts in her head sped at paces the medicine cat never would have deemed imaginable. Did Finchpaw truly regret his actions, or he was only saying sorry just so she wouldn't be mad at him? Brightnose felt guilty at the thought, but she knew she must consider everything possible if she were ever to figure this whole thing out. Oh, if only she could know what to say to enable him to be open. Which he didn't seem to at all. If only won't do me any good, though, and if I never say anything I'll never get anywhere, no matter how painful it may be. "It's fine, Finchpaw, you did not need to apologize. I am your mentor, true, but you still have the right to tell me if I am being rude or unkind to you. In which case it would quite within your privileges to request me to stop what I was doing." The small calico was content with her answer, and continued in nipping the leaves off the marigold. But what the orange-and-white tom said soon after nearly made her want to groan in despair. Wasn't she allowed to enjoy her apprentice? Or did he despise her so that he wanted nothing to do with her except for his training? Why? Don't make assumptions yet, Brightnose, she reminded herself. Maybe he just prefers it this way. But still, a lingering sadness that could not be dispelled by logic remained in her heart. She could not keep a note of sorrow and pain out of her voice as she meowed, "As you wish, Finchpaw. I shall respect your judgment." Brightnose longed to speak volumes, but it was not time for that yet. She would know, she thought, when it was time to ask for the truth.

[Whiskers]

What was with her today? Maybe it was because she was so nice that Finchpaw kept getting angry at her. She was too nice. Shouldn't she be reprimanding him, not telling him that it was "okay" to snap at her? Brightnose was just making him feel worse about himself, being the model medicine cat, forgiving and loving and... well screw that. Finchpaw knew that there was no exact mold he had to fit, he knew that sometimes the kindhearted medicine cats were the weak ones. Looking at Brightnose, he didn't think she was a weak medicine cat...but a weak mentor, yes.

Well, if she was a weak mentor, then Finchpaw supposed he could overpower her-- mentally of course. He did not have reason to worry about her figuring out any of his secrets since she was simply oh so nice and respectful. Brightnose had naturally shrunk away from their argument, shouldering the blame on her own shoulders when it truly belonged on his. Then she had refused to hand the blame to him even when he offered to take it. What did this say about her character? That she didn't like confrontation. That she'd rather let the other cat be in the right, even when they are in the wrong. It was a terrible thing to do because it did not teach any lessons. Maybe that's why this didn't make Finchpaw happy. Though he could take advantage of her... Finchpaw felt himself growing more irritated at Brightnose now. She was all daises and marigold, and she had no bite.

"I did need to apologize, Brightnose," he was stiffer and his tone was more cutting, a sure sign he was not happy. "Now please, act like you're an adult and accept my apology. I don't like playing the "Oh no, I'm sorry" game. I'm a big boy, I can own up to my mistakes."

It was funny how even now, he was making the same mistake and being disrespectful to her again, while trying to apologize for being disrespectful. But really, Finchpaw didn't think he was going to have to lecture her on this.

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[Cloud of Diamonds]

Fine. Finchpaw wanted her to act like an adult, did he? Did he even know how close he was pushing her over the brink of exasperation? Well, she'd show him maturity. He deserved it now, she thought, her attitude of kindness disappearing like moisture on a greenleaf afternoon. "This is no game, Finchpaw, it is one cat's attempt to try to be kind to her apprentice despite the fact that he appears to want nothing to do with her. I am an adult, one who prefers to be pleasant and logical, but sometimes, things go too far. I accept your apology. You are smart and capable, Finchpaw, indeed, which does not explain why you are acting so. Your mistake, as you call it, seems to be that you appear to think that I shouldn't care about you. I don't want to pry into your life, truly I do not. But why can we not simply enjoy ourselves together, like when we hunted today? If that is what you want, it can be so. But why in StarClan's name do you seem to hate me? I wish to know, but I doubt you shall tell me." The herb-using FogClanner felt like she was burning up. Brightnose felt shame, anger at herself, and guilt for speaking so. But there was no taking it back. Finchpaw, she thought, had needed to know how she felt, though she suspected he'd hate her even more now. But why did he seem to hate her anyway? She simply sat there, getting water out of oak leaves, not caring whether Finchpaw turned his back on her or replied. She felt hollow, like an empty seed husk. She wanted to enjoy her apprentice, and have him like her as well. Wistfully she recalled when they had hunted today. How had that turned to this? Why? She wanted to yowl her grief to the sky, so that even StarClan knew her pain. But the warrior ancestors would not care about something as trivial as this, she reckoned. No, StarClan were there for things they couldn't solve themselves. Otherwise, what was the point of them? It was hard, and it would take time, but she could do this. She could do almost anything.

OOC: Sorry. Brightnose freaked out on me. D: I know I haven't done anything positive for their relationship. Eh. And it stinks. Double eh.

[Whiskers]

Oh, this was a change. Brightnose finally decided to step up and tell him off. This...excited him and perhaps that rush is what Finchpaw was scared of the most. Why was he enjoying this? He didn't... didn't understand why he wanted Brightnose to be angry and to be hurt. That was terrible. He was being terrible.

But he did want Brightnose to scream at him and to cry and to ...hate him. Finchpaw didn't want her affection. She wasn't his mother. He had never had one and now that Brightnose felt like stepping in, the red-and-white tom wanted more than anything to put her in his place. Finchpaw's fur bristled; he was suddenly doubly angry, at himself and at Brightnose. He just wanted to be done with this day! Could the sun set any quicker?

"I don't hate you-- don't make assumptions that I do," he growled as his frustration mounted steadily. "I've been perfectly civil to you for all four moons that I have worked in this den-- up until to today, that is. I think you're an exceptional medicine cat and that is where my feelings for you end. What would "enjoying each other" accomplish? Nothing. And besides, you've never shown much interest in me before-- which I didn't mind at all-- so why now?"

Finchpaw tried to answer his own question but his mind came up blank...unless...

A flash of paranoia, and Finchpaw found himself near seething, as he considered the possibility that his father came to Brightnose and told her of his meetings with Frostpaw. Was it because of that? No doubt Rowanheart would do something like that, and he would encourage Brightnose to keep an eye out. Yes... if it wasn't that, then what was it? There were no other possible answers.

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[Cloud of Diamonds]

Too. Many. Emotions. She just couldn't take it any more, so her brain proceeded to shut down from it. Brightnose's mind was slowly settling back into its cold, logical level.

"Perhaps you are right that I assume too easily, I should not do such things. And you are correct again, you are a good medicine cat apprentice in every way. But yes...I cannot fault you for wanting thus....how foolish I am, I now realize."

And she did. What, the medicine cat thought, had she been thinking? Emotions, secrets, arguing! It was all so ridiculous. Logic will never fail me, unlike these weak, sentimental feelings. Time to continue.

"You are right in every way, Finchpaw. Logic is how we should think, not wild suspicions and ludicrous imaginings, which I admit have been plaguing me as of late. But you have shown me that my idiotic feelings are most definitely stupid, and I thank you for it. I suppose my interest in you-which has normally been that of an amiciable but neutral relationship-has been disrupted because the reasons I named. I promise you that I shall not lapse in such a manner again, and that your suggested notion of our relationship is perfectly reasonable. Bless you for returning me to normality, Finchpaw."

She nodded at him and, herbs finished, and began to slowly pad to her den in the bush. What a good apprentice Finchpaw was! Even if he had been angry and disrespectful, he was still logical. And the emotional murmurings in her mind were gone, what a relief. Now she could be who she really was again.

[Whiskers]

She hadn't answered his question. Brightnose didn't answer his question.

This was frustrating. If there was one thing in the world that annoyed Finchpaw, it was unanswered questions. It was one of the reasons he had little to no faith in Starclan whatsoever, since no one in Fogclan could give him any real answer. No, and half-answered questions were just as bad, just as annoying.

And then her final utterance... Finchpaw had learned to just simply discard those ridiculous Starclan-oriented sayings but it was the last straw. It was the sound of claws grating at a tree. He wanted her to shut up. Brightnose didn't know anything. As far as he was concerned, this wasn't the real Brightnose, no, this was just the medicine cat giving up again, retreating because she couldn't hold her own.

But all the words that piled on top of his tongue were swallowed again. He would not say them, he would not prod the sleeping beast nor add more wood to the fire. She had apologized thoroughly (and annoyingly, as it didn't even feel like an honest victory the way she simply went along with everything he said) and so he would just let this fight die. Tomorrow they would pretend it never happened.

But this was.. unsatisfactory. Yes, they would be the way they were... and that's what Finchpaw wanted... yes?

Finchpaw groaned. Too much thinking, too much stress, too much of everything. Finchpaw didn't even know what he knew anymore. He knew that Brightnose was excruciatingly frustrating. He knew he didn't want anything to do with her. Yet...he wanted her to fight. He didn't like having a mentor so passive and submissive.

"Fine," he sighed, making a point not to accept her ridiculous apology, "I'm going to just count the herbs and go to bed then. I'll talk to you tomorrow morning..."

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