JOKES

[Crowzerplorodon]

These will have you laughing for hours. If you get them.

Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge

A woman and her boyfriend are in a bar having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and let's her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar: a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains, "First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth and finally you drink the lime juice." So the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue - salty but okay. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is okay. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it...

At one second the sharp lime taste hits, at two seconds the Baileys curdles at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend. She smiles widely at him and says, "So, how did you like it? It's called 'Blow Job's Revenge'."

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Rejected

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says:

"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

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Hand Signs

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.

First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need"), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw. Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off. The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."

The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

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THIS WILL BE UPDATED.