Aspenheart [bittersweet]

[Pyro]

Name | Aspenheart

Gender | Tom

Age | 34 Moons

Rank | Deputy

Well I never pray, But tonight I'm on my knees
yeah...Maybe StarClan exists, maybe they don't. Aspenheart doesn't know whether or not they do, but what he does know is that there is no excuse for blaming some unseen entity for the problems that exist in the world and in life. Neither is it acceptable to use said entity as a reason for doing an action. If it storms, it storms. Behavior does not affect the weather patterns of an area. If a cat happens to step on a thorn after disobeying an order, that's just bad luck. If a clan goes to war with another clan and says they did so under the pretense that The Dead told them to, it is a lie. The Dead cannot command The Living. All are responsible for their actions, no matter what their supposed reason, because in the end they did what they did because they wanted to. It doesn't matter if they wanted to because something in a dream convinced them. There is always Free Will.

Are the other clans weak in a general sense for believing in Starclan? Not necessarily. No matter what their beliefs, they all have various strengths and weaknesses that help hold them together as a clan. Are they weak in comparison to PineClan? Yes...Yes they are, because they lack Free Will. But Aspenheart does not look down on them for this. Rather, he feels sad for them, because their lack of Free Will is not do to some two-leg trap, or disability. No, they lost it through following it. They chose to let their imaginations and insecurities get the better of them. They chose for their own inability to be without constant guidance to manifest itself as StarClan, instead of seeking to break free of the dependence like PineClan.

Who knows. Maybe their desire for StarClan became so strong that when they did die, their spirits remained to form the acclaimed starry cats of hope. If they did, Aspenheart would like to meet them someday...meet them and tell them what fools they've been, to encourage the other clans to cast aside the very essence of their freedom.

I am here in my mold...PineClan

And I'm a million different people...
Rudy; father; NP [deceased]
Nala; mother; NP [deceased]
Swallowtail; old mate; NP [alive]
Mousekit; daughter; NP [alive]
Heronkit; son; NP [deceased]

...The airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now...No mate as of yet, or a crush for that matter. Aspenheart is content with his singularity, even if it wont give him any kits.

I can't change my mold...But he's willing to pass it on to another. Aspenheart doesn't have an apprentice yet, but he isn't pining for one. He'd like to teach one of the youngsters all he knows...maybe to help keep PineClan from completely following Gingerstar's example and looking down on the other clans. With them, it is always better to take the high road.

I can't change, I can't change...Aspenheart's fur is a wolfish grey stroke through with creamy white. There is evidence of darker grey tabby markings, but they blend in very well with his coat and seem to be merely the results of his coat shifting as he moves. His ears are a dark, smokey grey that fades into the colour of the rest of his coat as it nears his forehead. Aspenheart's face is a light grey and cream, with the cream colour dominating. His muzzle is a pure white with no gradienting on either side. The tom's cheeks are mostly cream with a few stray grey hairs. This colour pattern continues to his necks before fading at his chest to resume the same wolfish-grey/cream of his coat.

His coat is not really coarse but it's not silky either. It's in between--a sort of thick shield against the cold. Luckily for him, his pelt becomes a bit thinner in the summer so that he doesn't get baked alive.

The tom's body is stocky, giving him strength and balance. At first glance he might seem like a slow mover, someone who uses their weight to win a fight. However, his powerful legs are more than capable of dodging and quick movements. Aspenheart may not be the fastest cat, but he's no slouch.

Aspenheart's eyes are hard to miss. The pale green that gradients to a darker shade as it nears the iris stands out against his coat and is made even more obvious by the pitch-black lining of the eyes. These eyes usually seem calm and thoughtful, tranquil like the forest at dawn.

I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now...As long as you take the blame for your actions, you should have no trouble getting along with Aspenheart. He can be stern, but as long as a cat isn't trying to make excuses, he's very understanding. He's always willing to listen if a cat needs to vent or has a suggestion. Not to say he's a pushover. It doesn't need to go from push to shove for him to take on the 'deputy voice' in substitute for the 'friend voice'.

Don't let his understanding nature fool you though, he's not overly sympathetic. Empathic, yes, but sympathy always makes him feel arrogant. The exception to this would be the other clans, who have both his empathy and sympathy.

Aspenheart likes to keep an open mind. There are many ideas in the world. Finding reasons to make a conflict with those that have them is a waste of time. And in the end, a closed mind and opinions never get you anywhere. Even if he doesn't completely understand the belief, he'll accept it. He may not follow it, or even agree with it, but he won't try to actively change a cat's belief. he might give them a nudge every now and then if the opportunity arises--or if they bring it up--, but he won't jump them for thinking differently than he does.

He tries not to let things bother him that much. To let your anger rule you is weak. Or rather, to let any emotion rule you (around others) is weak. He's not walking around like a stoic rock though...his face is usually in a pleasant calm. However, every once in a while he has to go let out some steam, whether it be going off to a quiet place to rant, or on those rare occasions when something truly angers him, to rip and tear at anything he can find to take his rage out on.

While he does not let his emotions rule him, he does show them when they occur. His anger is a cool sheet of ice hardening his gaze, while his happiness is a pleasant glow. He might be raging on the inside, while collected on the outside. He could be cracked with sorrow, but only appear to be slightly melancholy. For this some cats can feel a little separated from him at times. He's almost too calm...too collected.

So calm and considerate is he, that cats have difficulty believing he has any problems of his own. They assume he has his life in order and that is the reason for his clam. What they don't know is that he suffers from nightmares. Silent dreams of terror in which past horrors are relived. He can't run, he can't scream...he is trapped, just watching the events unfold, again, and again, sometimes with a twist in which he himself dies. He'd never confide this in anyone though, or ask for help in general. His way of avoiding confronting his own problems, is by helping others confront theirs.

Aspenheart treats all cats with a degree of consideration, but only one cat has his complete and utter respect: Gingerstar. They may not share the exact same ideals, but to Aspenheart, she is the cat that saved the free will of many cats by giving them a place to assemble and call home. It only adds that she is a strong and serious leader.

Trying to make ends meet... Aspenheart is a good enough fighter. His body build gives him balance, making him hard to knock down and pin. The moves he uses aren't overly flashy. He goes for the bare minimum usually, because in a fight, cats try to use moves their enemy isn't expecting. But while doing this they don't think to use the basics. It isn't that he doesn't know any beautifully fierce moves...he just prefers not to use them. They're a waste of energy when something simple is enough to get the job done.

His true strength lies in his mind. he is very clear-sighted and makes a policy of keeping his mind open. For this, he is good at negotiations and smoothing over quarrels. He is also very persuasive. It's difficult to disagree with someone who can find a compromise beneficial to both sides...or at least, he can make it seem beneficial to both sides.

[History]
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life...Aspenheart was born a loner to Rudy and Nala. Life was...good, though as a kit, he couldn't truly understand it. There were good times and there were bad, but no matter what the situation, his father remained carefree and happy. It didn't seem to matter to him if he had to go without to feed his mate and kits. And Aspenheart, then Rikki, he wanted to be like him someday, to have his own family one day...to hunt and live every day like it was his last.

Try to make ends meet...A month or so after Rikki was born, leafbare hit. And for once Nala and Rudy questioned their carefree lifestyle, thinking they should have tried to have kits at a more appropriate time. But what was done was done. Unfortunately, this leafbare proved to be harsher than any they had had before. Water was scarce to be found and there were times when Nala and Rudy would go without food for days...Once or twice the kits had to suffer through hunger as well.

You're a slave to money then you die...As leafbare raged on Rudy was out more and more, longer, and longer, until he was almost never home. At two months, Rikki was becoming a handful, and though she was too ashamed to admit it, Nala was happy when he decided to follow Rudy a few times. On one such time, the two ventured closer to the forest than they usually did. Rikki's father was stalking a scrawny mouse, the only prey they'd seen for quite a while, when they heard crashing in the brush. Before either could run, a fox pounced on Rudy, ripping his throat out and caring him off right before Rikki's stunned eyes. Terrified, he ran, back in the general direction they had come. He probably would have gotten lost if his mother had not already been searching for the two, worried. After getting a barely comprehensible explanation for what had happened from her frightened kit, Nala took Rikki back to the nest. But the starved fox, who had already enjoyed an easy meal from one cat, was looking for more. It followed their fresh trail...straight back to the nest. Only a day after he had lost his father, Rikki's family was torn apart. The fox jumped amongst them, snapping for anything that moved. Nala escaped with Rikki. His two other siblings were not so lucky. The fox got them both and left as quickly as it had came.

Nala raised Rikki as best she could alone until he could, by her judgment, take care of himself. Then she left, unable to bare the reminder of her old life with Rudy.

Uncertain what to do with himself, Rikki continued in the footsteps of his father, adopting a wandering lifestyle. It was through this lifestyle he came upon a she-cat named Swallowtail. The newly made warrior introduced him to ForestClan, convincing him that life in a clan was much better than life as an aimless wanderer. Rikki agreed to 'try out' this new life. At first he planned only to stay for a bit for the opportunity to be amongst other cats again, then move on. However, one night turned to two, days turned to weeks, and the charms of the she-cat who had brought him to ForestClan had him staying for much longer than he originally planned. Soon he was training with her to be a proud warrior of ForestClan.

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down...It was not long before Rikki, newly named Aspenheart, was absorbed into clan life. The clan and his new mate, Swallowtail, helped keep his mind off of what had happened to his real family and soon, his old life ceased to matter. He was a ForestClan cat now, and that was what counted.

But no matter what he was told about StarClan, he could not believe in them. Their works just seemed too implausible. And in any case, why should cat have to suffer the wrath of unseen entities in addition to the leader and deputy? And if they really were so powerful and all seeing, why didn't they protect his family from the fox, an enemy of cats? All the same he feigned belief in them to get through life in the clan without question.

And within a few weeks of taking his warrior name, he was completely convinced that they, StarClan, did not exist. Brownstar's reign after Elkstar was...horrible. Cats, namely the medicine cats, were suffering and under the new leader's principles the clan deteriorated. It was like watching his family die...Only this time their death was slow and painful. And what was worse was that the kits his mate had born would have to live in such a world.

You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet yeah...When Cedarclaw took cats to leave ForestClan and find a new life, Aspenheart knew he, Swallowtail, and their kits Mousekit and Heronkit, had to go. However, Swallowtail didn't want to leave. ForestClan was all she had ever known, and the uncertain life that lay in wait for those leaving did not appeal to her. Aspenheart was heartbroken...but he still had a duty to his kits. He ended up stealing one away, Heron-kit, believing that at least one of them deserved to have a better life. A queen by the name of Mapleflower, agreed to nurse the kit. However, they couldn't really keep up with the rest of the group and soon fell behind. Aspenheart left them both to scout ahead. When he returned, Mapleflower was looking for Heronkit. The little black and white kit had wandered off when she was resting her eyes. Frantic, Aspenheart looked for his son, following a scent trail that led to a thunderpath.

The scene that he came upon horrified him. His kit had wandered out onto the road and had been crushed. Rought with anguish he ran away, leaving Mapleflower to fend for herself.

Eventually he found his way to the ForestClan refugees, by complete accident. He had his doubts about joining them officially and considered living as a loner again instead of joining a clan. He wasn't sure he wanted to abandon his free will again, to live how others said StarClan wanted him to...And then he found Mapleflower again. The she-cat had managed to find her way back to the group after searching for a few days. She brought him to see the candidates for leaders, where he noticed Gingerclaw. She spoke of a clan that wouldn't live by StarClan's will...One that would live by their own wits, their own decisions. Once again he joined a clan, PineClan... where he could completely forget his old life with Swallowtail in ForestClan.

Role Play Example |Aspenheart's chest swelled briefly with the pride of authority. He was deputy...deputy of the free-est, the most independent, the strongest clan...PineClan. He could hardly believe it. The tom almost laughed as he recalled the doubtful conversation he had had with Quailfoot.

"Word is, Gingerstar's considering you for the rank of deputy."

Aspenheart looked up from his squirrel, a bemused look on his face. "Word has a way of warping as it passes from cat to cat. There's many others more qualified for the position..."

"You mean she-cats?"

The tom's grey coat ruffled as he shrugged his massive shoulders uncomfortably. "No, well, not really. There are more qualified cats..and well, you know how Gingerstar is..."

He had fully expected her to appoint Shrewstep. The two were close and Shrewstep was a sensible she-cat. The position had come as a surprise to him. A good surprise but a surprise nonetheless. And now he was among the cats the clan looked up to...Even though his role was a small one, he couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed. Was he good enough? Did he have what it took?

Yes. Yes he did. At least, Gingerstar believed he did. And if she did, that was all the motivation he needed to help her and the council keep PineClan safe, proud, and free.

[Pyro]

UPDATE LOG
November 2, 2010~ age updated