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Post by Cloud of Diamonds on Dec 11, 2010 19:19:45 GMT -5
OOC: This journal spans many moons, from the time the four become apprentices at the start of the Journey, to right after the most recent conversation between Goosefur and the black and white tom himself.
BIC:The Beginning
Step. Pause. Step. Pause. Step.
Please, let me get it this time!
Praying for luck, he sprang off the ground (sort of , it was more like an awkward flail) but miracle of miracles! His left paw had come down on the vole’s tail! It was squeaking and struggling, but he quickly dispatched with a cut from his other white-furred toes. The young tom felt on top of the world; it was the first time he’d caught anything. Ever.
“Amazing, Loonpaw, you might actually not be in the apprentices’ den forever. I’m deeply impressed.”
The muscular eight-moon-old rolled his eyes. “If anyone’s going to be in there forever, it’s you. At least I actually do what I’m told.”
“Pfft, what fun is that? And besides, I do what I’m told. If I like it.”
The odd-stepping ForestClanner snorted. “And my paws are made of prey.”
“You wish, ol’ Webby Toes. It’d save you the problem of being embarrassed nearly every time you go hunt.”
He growled ever so slightly. “I am not a waterbird, Duckpaw.”
Although he was rather fond of the birds of his name.
The cream tabby smirked. “You sure act like one.”
Groaning, he picked up his prey, wiggled his eyebrows at her, and headed back, secretly smiling despite his friend’s teasing.
The Decision
“Omigosh, guys, did ya hear, did ya hear?” Duckpaw was bouncing up and down excitedly.
“It’s about the Clan splitting up, isn’t it?” Said Goosepaw, her yellow eyes scared. Loonpaw, concerned, nuzzled her face to reassure her, although he too was scared.
“Well, yeah, that, but didja know that Cedarclaw’s taking the other half of the Clan on a Journey? ”
Cranepaw looked surprised, but tried to hide it. “Uh, yeah, I knew that. Definitely.”
Amused, the white tom’s brother kept his mouth shut, but barely. However, his humor quickly vanished when he realized the enormity of what had happened. Sure, maybe he didn’t understand all of it. But still, it was huge. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to stay or leave. He wasn’t that fond of Brownstar’s ways…but leaving his home forever was scary.
Duckpaw a-hemmed and continued, “It sounds great. I think we should go.”
“WHAT?!” meowed Goosepaw and Loonpaw in disbelief, simultaneously.
“Cool!” said Cranepaw eagerly.
He actually sputtered. “Y-you’re insane, Duckpaw. Who knows what could happen? We could get lost, sick, eaten…”
The orangeish she-cat waved an airy paw. “We’re apprentices. We’re going to have big strong warriors protecting us. What could go wrong? Sure other cats might die, and don’t get me wrong, it’d be sad, but WE wouldn’t.”
Then she smiled slyly and played her trump card: “But if you’re mouse, you can stay here and be nice and safe, Webby Toes, paddling in the water forever while we’re off having grand adventures.”
Goosepaw tried to hide a giggle and Cranepaw snorted. The rocking tom was furious, but knew he had no choice but to give in. “Fine.” He sighed. “But don’t blame me when you’re cold and hungry.”
First Love
Unbelievable. Impossible. Inconceivable.
All these words were running through his mind right now. He had just received the shock of his life.
Goosepaw was in love with Cranepaw.
This could not be happening. It simply did not compute. It. Made. No. Sense.
They were a foursome, a gang, a group, a quadruple bird cat bunch. They didn’t fall in love with each other. It simply was not done.
“How?” He asked. A simple question. But it hung in the air between him, her sister, and the guilty party herself.
Goosepaw looked terribly uncomfortable, turning this way and that under his scrutiny. Duckpaw shot him a look, but he ignored it with a spurt of guilt. He wanted to know so he could fix it. He added in a gentler meow, “I won’t judge you, Goosepaw. You’re my friend.”
She seemed to relax a little and began. “I-it just happened, I guess….I wanted to be on patrols with him more, and…I just….really liked him. Please don’t tell him.” She begged.
Duckpaw rolled her eyes. “Yeah, because we really would.” The brown and white tabby only shuffled the more. Loonpaw rolled his yellow eyes. And she got mad at him for being too forthright.
The black and white tom sighed. This was so not the time for this. They just needed to get this over with. Mostly because he wanted to figure out how he felt.
“Just…be careful around him, okay? He won’t notice. I love my bro, but he wouldn’t notice a fox until it bit him in the nose.”
He nuzzled her gently and padded off to think.
He laid down behind a clump of elderberry bushes and thought. His first emotion, obviously, was puzzlement. Nothing surprising there. And shock. Obviously. He dug a little deeper in his mind. He found pain, fear, and anxiety. Not in great amounts, but still there. Pain at this sudden division that he wanted to be gone. This awkwardness. Fear at what it might do to their wonderful group. Anxiety. He didn’t want the white tom to know, at any cost. He would lie if need be, to protect her and them. And anger. This shocked Loonpaw. But he knew why. Some part of him hated Goosepaw for doing this to them. But he was angry at this anger – he hated it and squashed it down, snuffed it out. Goosepaw had enough to deal with without his irritation. And perhaps the most shameful, hateful emotion…jealousy. Just the tiniest pinprick. No, he told it. You do not exist. You are stupid, irrelevant, bad. You have no place. Don’t be foolish. It was gone, or he could no longer feel it.
Good. It must stay that way, he must not ruin things too. Besides, he didn’t /really/ feel it – it was just some random thing. Unwelcome parasite. His only feelings for her were of a friend. It was true.
And it always would be.
To Be a Warrior
His eyes were stern, his stance was proud bordering on arrogant, and his voice was harsh. But still, he said the words.
“Goosepaw, Loonpaw, Cranepaw, and Duckpaw, come here.”
The brown tabby and white, black and white, white, and cream tabby cats all stepped forward, with varying states of enthusiasm, anticipation, and anxiety.
The huge brown tabby spoke again.
“All of you have proven yourselves on this long, hard journey, and though I am not properly blessed by StarClan, I believe I have the right to call you warriors. I, Cedarclaw, leader of ForestClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon these four apprentices. They have trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you each in their turn. Goosepaw, Loonpaw, Cranepaw, and Duckpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code, and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?”
“I do.” As one, the four spoke the binding words.
“Then by the powers of StarClan I give you your warrior names. Goosepaw, from this moment on you shall be known as Goosefur. Loonpaw, you shall be known as Loonstep. Cranepaw, you shall be known as Cranetail. And Duckpaw, you shall be known as Duckstripe. StarClan honors each of your individual talents, and we welcome you as full warriors of ForestClan.”
The muscular tom laid his muzzle on each of their heads, and they licked him on his shoulder respectfully.
Once the ceremony was over and the cheering was done, the four new warriors padded off, chatting lightly despite the gloomy atmosphere and sometimes reproachful looks of the cats around them, many of whom were nursing injuries or were beside sleeping kits. Goosefur looked tenderly at the little ones, but Loonstep gently nudged her on, whispering to her that she could help them later.
Finally, they came to a spot about two tree-lengths away from the others and they sat down.
“Wow!” exclaimed the recently named Duckstripe. “I can’t believe it! We’re warriors!” Cranetail grinned. “I know. This is great. We can do even more stuff now without getting in trouble.”
Goosefur smiled, but reminded them, “We’re not trying to get in trouble, Cranetail. We’re trying to help our Clanmates and ourselves stay alive.”
Loonstep snorted. Typical. Older never equaled mature when his brother was concerned. And Goosefur still looked slightly awkward when she talked to his brother. He noticed nothing, of course – he never did – but it reminded him of her strange confession, moons back, that she loved him. Loonstep had no idea if she still did, or if she was simply remembering and recovering.
He felt, again, the mix of feelings he had when she’d confessed.
An exchanged look with Goosefur’s sister told him she had noticed too. Cranetail was oblivious as always, going on about how he could talk to all the warriors honestly and they couldn’t reprimand him. He had come far from the days of being depressed over being insulted by mouse-brained apprentices. Yet the black-and-white tom sensed he was merely curled up, covering his tender spots because hiding them away was easier than peeling back the tough skin encasing them and healing them.
But that was just his rambling thoughts.
“Well, now that we’ve properly rejoiced, we should probably get back before they leave without us.” He remarked, trying to hide the jealousy, anger, resentment, and longing he pushed away. It was faint, and did not matter in the face of their friendship.
“Aw, c’mon, Loony.” His brother shoved him affectionately, surprising the water-loving tom so much he fell over, paws wildly swinging in wide circles as he toppled.
Everyone laughed – but Goosefur laughed the loudest, her beautiful laugh stinging him like ten bees. His ears laid flat against his head, he wiggled so that he was right side up and sprang up again, awkwardly shaking off dirt and dust.
“Forest loon is falling down, falling down. Forest loon is falling down, my fair she-cat.” All of them sang and giggled, and Loonstep felt more embarrassed than he ever had in his life…especially against Goosefur’s laugh that, for some incomprehensible reason, caused a faint twang of desire in his heart. Which he promptly squashed. But then she smiled and helped him up, nudging him with her face, which somehow made him feel awkward. But she was his friend. There was nothing awkward. There never would be.
So he nuzzled her back.
At Long Last
Somehow he’d envisioned it to be more dramatic. Although it was rather dramatic as it was. Everyone was rejoicing. The most gloomy of faces - new and old - had relief and happiness on them. From weary warriors to groaning elders, excited kits and amazed apprentices. Everyone was so grateful, so amazed that their leader had found them a place at last.
Their leader…he wasn’t sure, any more, that he wanted Cedarclaw to be his leader. And he was wondering, worrying if the others felt the same and if they would judge him for it. He turned from looking at the sunrise, his expression now serious. He needed to talk them now.
The question was, where were they?
After quite a few minutes of searching, he had rounded up the three of them and lead them over to the shadow of a big rock, a little ways off from the main group. Cedarclaw was still talking with Cloudfang, Gingerclaw, and Owlstorm – he wouldn’t notice that four of his warriors were gone for a while.
They settled down on the still dew-wet grass in the cool shadow of the lump of stone and he began to talk.
“You see, guys, I’m just not so sure that I want to be a ForestClanner anymore.” He said, solemn with golden eyes wide.
Duckstripe snorted. “Of course we’re not going to be ForestClanners!” she said.
“I heard there’s going to be four new Clans.” his brother informed them, flicking his snow-colored ear to get a midge off of it. “And that Cedarclaw, that white tom, and those two she-cats will be leading them. Something about signs from StarClan.”
The rocking-footed tom cocked his head, thinking. He knew he didn’t want to stay with Cedarclaw, that he wanted something new and fresh, a different perspective. But what did the others think? He needed more information, anyway.
“Have you heard any word about what they’re going to be like?” He asked curiously.
“Not much.” The long-furred tom yawned, stretching. But I heard from that grumpy, scarred gray she-cat –what’s her name, Swallowpelt – that one of them’s going to be really strange – they won’t believe in StarClan. Like not at all. Isn’t that weird? She said good riddance and that she’s joining Gingerclaw the moment they decide on the territories.” He smirked at the older ForestClanner’s words. “What a stupid idea. How could the leaders be leaders if StarClan didn’t give them their lives? They’d die like ordinary warriors.”
But the heavy-framed warrior’s mind was racing. This must be what he had been looking for! It was completely new and different. It was bold and daring. It…might not be where his friends and only sibling wanted to go. He felt anxiety. Was it worth it? No, surely not. But he had to know what they wanted first. Goosefur was the only one who hadn’t yet spoken – but then, she did look rather sleepy.
“Do you know anything, Goosefur?” He appealed to her in a gentle mew.
She shook her head, looking startled, blinked, and opened her mouth.
“Um…well, I didn’t know what Cranetail said, but I think Cloudfang-“ (was it his imagination, or did she shuffle her paws a bit?) “-is starting a Clan called StreamClan. It sounds great.” She added, her eyes brightening. “Wouldn’t you love it there, Loonstep? We could go swimming every day!” She smiled in excitement.
This was news, indeed…he did love water. He loved water so much. Almost as much as his friends.
But there was PineClan. And he still didn’t know what they were going to do…or what the fourth Clan was like. Owlstorm…he didn’t know much about her, save that she was a ForestClanner and had once been Brownstar’s apprentice. Privately, he doubted he could ever be in a Clan led by her – any cat who’d ever been connected to Brownstar was under his permanent suspicion.
So that left PineClan and StreamClan…what to do, what to do.
What were the others going to do?
“So, everyone, where do you all think you’re going?”
All of them answered at the same time.
“MeadowClan.” This was Duckstripe.
“FogClan.” This was Cranetail.
“StreamClan.” This was Goosefur.
All of them looked at each other, possibly more shocked than they had ever been in their lives.
All of them then looked at Loonstep, who suddenly felt under a great deal of pressure.
“PineClan.” He blurted, for a reason incomprehensible even to himself. Then he realized the horrible truth of what they had all just said. Every one of them was going to a different Clan. They all stared at each other in disbelief, then started jabbering at rapid speed.
“But –“
“How could we-?”
“No!”
“Why?”
The last was a wail from Goosefur, who was looking at them all with such a look of sadness on her face it broke Loonstep’s heart. He felt horrible, and was about to say he would go to StreamClan with her when something stopped him, and he closed his open maw.
What if.
What if he did the unthinkable? It was ludicrous and impossible. Stupid and silly. But still, there was that faintest of chances…and he would feel like he was being unfair, too. Even if he so badly wanted to hold onto his brother or one of his friends.
It was Duckstripe, looking unusually solemn, who finally spoke after the period of tense silence. “Well, I…I guess that’s it, then.” Normally so cheerful or snarky, the pale gingery cream tabby’s often perky face was the most withdrawn the black and white tom had ever seen it.
Then in a shocked, scared voice Cranetail meowed, “But…that can’t be right! Maybe we can all just go to a Clan…or something. But…I really want to be in FogClan.” The white tom added, somewhat weakly but with pleading and a hint of defiance.
Loonstep kept silent, not wanting to show his fair amount of disdain and disbelief in StarClan. Not that he thought his brother was stupid, he just didn’t think the same way. StarClan just didn’t seem…to fit in to a normal cat’s life, really. It was just a weird concept to him.
Goosefur looked ready to have a tantrum. “But we have to stay together! We’ve always been together! C’mon, guys! Let’s just all go to StreamClan, or MeadowClan, or something! Please! FogClan, I don’t care!” The poor little warrior looked like the end of the world had come.
And in a way, the rocking tom supposed, it had. Not completely or entirely. But things would never be the same.
He opened his mouth once more, and they all looked at him, half hopeful, half despairing. Despite the fact that Cranetail and Duckstripe were the leaders, (especially Duckstripe) he had always felt like he was the one who kept them together. Not the brightest or the best, but the firm glue that held them tight even in the rare times when they argued and through the hardships of the Journey.
“Everyone, I don’t think we should talk about this any longer.”
The other three started protesting, but he quelled them with a rare stern gaze. He had to say this.
“We have been together for so long. I know this is obvious, but it’s the grounds for what I’m about to say. Which is that, yes – we are separating. It is tragic. It is devastating. But it is the right thing to do.”
“WHAT?”
The simultaneous word came from three disbelieving mouths, and they all looked ready to shout out protests. Again he quelled them with a glare from his yellow eyes. This broke his heart, but it was the truth.
“Listen, you three! Cranetail, Duckstripe…Goosefur. We have to do this. We have to find our own paths. And it isn’t like we won’t see each other anymore. There will be Gatherings.”
“It won’t be the same.” Duckstripe muttered.
“No.” Cranetail agreed. “Traitor.”
Loonstep ignored him.
“You think I want this? You think I will like being separated from my brother and sisters? Yes – you are my sisters, and you always will be. But it is the truth – for don’t you see, there is no other way? We will only bicker and fight endlessly, and there will only be resentment and jealousy if we drag on this issue. But if we resolve it – now – we will save ourselves much grief.”
Reluctantly, they all nodded their heads. They still shot unbelieving looks at him, like he was betraying them. Only Goosefur did not glare at him, only stood there looking at the ground. If cats could cry, she would be crying hard.
They’ll thank me one day, though, he thought with a sigh. Thank me for not making the good-bye longer than it needs to be.
If Planet Earth Turned Slowly
What was he going to do? How would he get rid of this curse, this folly?
He could not love. Not like this…parasite was suddenly whispering to him of. Not of any she-cat in PineClan. And not – never, never – of she whose name he dared not think in such context. No. It was forbidden. Surely he did not feel this way, it was just the fool in him.
He had made himself so many promises – bound himself with so many oaths – he could not, would not let them crumble to dust like they had never been.
He would not let himself ruin the only peace he had had since he had been made an apprentice.
Though the others did not know it, it was half the reason he had joined PineClan. He had kept his foolish, faint feelings a secret – for unlike Goosefur, Duckstripe, or perhaps even Cranetail, he was a master at concealing his thoughts. He could not lie, but he was expert at hiding the truth and saw no shame in it.
But how much longer could he hide it? He feared this growing thing – feared like nothing else. It was terrible, invasive and – dare he think it – beautiful, in its own wrong, forbidden way. But wasn’t that a saying – stolen prey tastes the sweetest? He had always scoffed at it, always valuing fair play and honor. But now he began to understand. Though he did not want this – he must not want it- there was something about it that made some deep, ancient, instinctive part of his mind sing like a bird with desire. No. He would not sing like a robin. He would swim, swim away – he would be a loon.
He would slowly but surely step away from this.
And by swimming away on the river of life and duty, he would be free. He would fly among the pine trees. He would look back at the goose over the stream every so often, but he would not land next to her.
He must have his own roost.
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Post by Cloud of Diamonds on Dec 30, 2010 12:34:26 GMT -5
The Cloud Warming Song
Hey all you masses of vapor out there
Listen closely to what I'm about to share
It's a piece of advice that is wise and true
And it applies to everyone, even you.
My friends down below are feeling cold
I know you say what news, that's old?
But these ones are special, I've known them so long
That I had just had to sing the warming song:
These humans who I know, who live down below
Are feeling rather chilly.
My cloud friends I hear, sneezing, I fear,
Need to warm up right now.
So feel the heat of the sun on your backs
No, it won't fry you, I swear!
Try to bring some warmth into you
Come on, I need you to care.
Hey, I know, let's dance!
Upon the wind
Energy will make your water flow
Please, nuages, let's go.
Or I'll be forced to sing...the BANISHING SONG.
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Post by Cloud of Diamonds on Feb 12, 2011 0:29:43 GMT -5
Spiderstorm
She had to admit...despite feeling awkward and nervous as she always did at Gatherings, this one should be slightly better. Cloudstar would announce that her kits (all four of them) were going to be apprentices the very next day, or he should, she thought. It was important, and no she wasn't saying just because she was their biological and adopted mother. Even if a certain gray tabby tomkit hated her for no good reason.
It bothered her so much. Why did Stonekit resent her so? His sister was one of the most cheerful cats in creation, yet he seemed to think her existence and that of her own children was a personal insult. Ungrateful little badger. Yet she still loved him in an odd way, would be proud to see him along with the others turn six moons.
What was love, if not the pride you felt in seeing your children grow up?
OOC: This is a Gathering post I'm saving for when (hopefully) Crow posts as Cloudstar.
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Post by Cloud of Diamonds on May 14, 2011 22:27:56 GMT -5
I'm doing a poem for each Clan. o3o
Here's FogClan's
Sons and Daughters (partially based off of the song with the same name)
When we came here, sons and daughters
We learned how to live our lives
Faith, truth, and nobility
Earn our way to heaven now.
These laws we follow
They are our lives, sons and daughters
Lead you into grace and peace
Take up the calling now.
Follow with blind obedience
Only look into the starlight
Don't fall, sons and daughters
It's for our own good.
Give your blood and tears
Give your pride and fears
Give your soul and mind
Come into the mist, sons and daughters.
Even if you cannot see.
Not Like You (PineClan's)
Breathing in differences
Sighing out pain.
Feeling all the eyes
Wondering if we're sane.
Yeah, I know you're watching
But I don't care.
Yeah, I know you're judging
But that doesn't mean it's fair.
I'm not like you
And you're not like me
But I have an equal right to be free
We're only as flawed as you want to see
We're only as good as we can try to be
We're only as strange as we choose to appear
We're only as rebellious...well, that you should fear.
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We have a cbox again and we're opening the place up as a closed, members only rp