Expanding horizons. (Dovepaw&OPEN)

[glowlynose]

As Dovepaw sat motionless in the center of camp, she was sure that the whole Clan would soon be drawn out to watch her. They might not know why they came, but they would come. They would come and they would witness the stoic, strong apprentice breaking down, displaying emotion. Ah, and not just any emotion; it was remorse that they would see. She had taken immense care to portray the image to her Clan that she was strong, that nothing could faze her except possibly anger. But now that was all crashing down around her. The walls that she had built herself were crumbling and soon her woes would be exposed to the entire Clan- and herself. Yes, without knowing it, the little she-cat had managed to seal off parts of herself from her own comprehension.

As the realization about her Clan dawned on her, Dovepaw found her breaths coming at increasingly rapid intervals. Her Clan, her siblings, and even StarClan would see her now. They would see her weaknesses, and nothing would be able to stop the waves of ridicule that would come. Anger swept over the apprentice. The hardening earth made an excellent target for her flexing claws, and her pupils narrowed to furious slits. How dare she let herself get in this position? How dare she share her secrets with this dithering warrior? You see, Dovepaw's standards for herself were being broken. Not only was she openly displaying weakness, she could do nothing to correct herself.

"I am perfectly fine!" she yowled at the mockery inside her head. Her siblings, no, StarClan were laughing at her; they laughed at her and her broken rules. They made jest of her discomfort, taunted her insecurity, but worst of all they fed her guilt until her breath came in anguished sobs and her muscles quivered with the effort of keeping her sanity intact.

"Do you want to know what I did, Birchtail? Do you want to know what guilt consumes me so?"

[/b] The she-cat advanced on the warrior intently, almost angrily, with the promise of a coming storm. A strange fury danced across her eyes- strange, for it was mixed with sorrow. "When I was just a little kit my brother and sister and me took a trip into the forest. We were kittypets. We knew nothing of the way it was out here. They didn't want to come, but I made them.
"So then I wanted to go explore. My sister, oh my poor sister, she begged me not to go. Even latched onto my foreleg. But I ignored her and went anyway. Told them I'd be back soon. But I never made it back. I left them there to die without knowing that I'd get lost. Without me there they probably died; neither of them were the adventurous sort. I left them, Birchtail. It's my fault."[/b] Dovepaw spoke these last two sentences through clenched teeth. She got right up in Birchtail's face so that her hot breath would spill across the warrior's head just to illustrate the intensity of her actions.

"So don't you tell me that StarClan can forgive me. There is nothing that I could ever do to make up for leaving my siblings, two innocent kits, in the forest to die without me. I never even told them how much I loved them before I left. Just said I'd be back soon and trotted off into the leaves. Nothing can ever make up for that. So don't you dare try and tell me that it can be forgiven unless you know how."[/b] She spat these angry words at the ground, but then a strange thought entered her head. The voices cleared to let this this pass through. Would Mistpelt know? Rowanheart seems to trust her. Mitpelt is wise. If Birchtail doesn't know maybe Mistpelt would. Maybe then this curse could be lifted.
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[Cloud of Diamonds]

Birchtail was shocked, no, flabbergasted. It was a surprising thing...first Dovepaw seemed to say something to herself, then continued to talk to the tabby next to her, strong emotion in every word. So rarely before had the long-furred warrior ever experienced such a thing from another cat, let alone of her own Clan. Her ears automatically laid themselves back, and little though she noticed she drew back slightly.

She could not lie - when she heard the exact sin the white apprentice had committed, a small gasp escaped her. But her shock was entwined deeply with pity and compassion for the young she-cat as well. The amber-eyed FogClanner flinched slightly as the apprentice got right in her face, and the storm that seemed to rage behind her pine-needle eyes was fascinating and horrifying to see.

But it was the words Dovepaw hissed as she seemingly spoke to the ground that worried Birchtail the most. Clearly her former assurances had not been enough. It was understandable; caught up in emotion, a cat might forget the power of StarClan to aid them. So it fell her to be ever stronger in faith in assert the starry cats' influence and strength. It would not be easy, when the white FogClanner was so clearly dogged with guilt, self-blame, and sadness. It almost made Birchtail want to comfort her like she was a kit. Doubtless, Dovepaw wouldn't appreciate it though, she'd probably see it as being spoken down to.

The organized she-cat took a deep breath. Now that Dovepaw seemed to have finished speaking was the time to reply. Tread carefully and speak softly, she knew.

"Dearest Dovepaw. Though you did wrong, yes, your passionate longing to be forgiven cannot be ignored by even the hardest heart. I know in my heart, in my bones that it can be forgiven. Whether your siblings live or walk with StarClan themselves, there is a way. Either you must long to speak with StarClan, try to dream of them so they can purify you, or you must persuade Owlstar to let you travel to the MoonGlade to seek more direct contact there. Simply tell her you feel a need to speak with your ancestors, and I am sure she will understand."

[glowlynose]

Hah, foolish warrior. Can't you see that you can do nothing to ease my aching soul? Dovepaw's bitter thoughts consumed her spirit when Birchtail opened her mouth yet again, in another attempt to console her that would surely fail as well. Could she not see that it was useless? Nothing could be done to remedy this anymore. Dovepaw's betrayal was too far gone for her to be able to do anything about it, for anyone to do anything about it. A sardonic laugh escaped the apprentice's mouth before Birchtail's final suggestion had fallen from the silver-pelted warrior's lips.

"Either you must long to speak with StarClan, try to dream of them so they can purify you, or you must persuade Owlstar to let you travel to the MoonGlade to seek more direct contact there. Simply tell her you feel a need to speak with your ancestors, and I am sure she will understand."

With this simple solution to her problem presented, Dovepaw practically leapt for joy. It was so logical, so... perfect. She couldn't believe that she hadn't thought of it herself.

"Birchtail, that's brilliant! Of course! I must speak with StarClan. What an ingenious plan! Have you seen Owlstar anywhere? Have you? Will you help me find her? Would you accompany me to the MoonGlade? I would be honored if you would." The little apprentice was no longer weighted down by the impending doom, the curse that she had crafted for herself. In the curse's stead, there was now a nearly overwhelming happiness and sense of something she had never thought to feel since the loss of her siblings. She was feeling hope. Without any thought as to where she was going, she sped off in one direction, only to ram into some poor warrior keeping guard over the camp. Dovepaw muttered a quick apology with her head bowed before dashing back to Birchtail.

"Well, are you coming? We have to find Owlstar!"

[/b] Dovepaw tried to collect herself. A few deep breaths and paw-kneadings later, the white-pelted apprentice was perfectly at ease. However, she was far from her normal state of aloofness. A passion burned in her eyes with the intensity of the glory of StarClan themselves, and it spoke of both happiness and a determination to set straight the fate of her soul. No thought would be given to the cost.
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[Cloud of Diamonds]

The long-pelted tabby blinked. Dovepaw's change in demeanor and mood was so startling and welcome it was almost a shock to the featherbrained cat's mind. Wonderful! Now things could proceed in a lovely, orderly fashion! She gave a quick lick to her front leg and swiped a paw over her head quickly, straightening her side tufts. Her eyebrows rose as the white-pelted she-cat's speech continued, and then she purred in satisfaction.

In a pleased, happy mew, she said,

"I am glad you find my suggestions helpful. They are no inspiration of mine, merely the will of StarClan here on earth. I will certainly help you find Owlstar and I'll accompany you to the MoonGlade if that is your wish." She stopped speaking as Dovepaw rushed off and back, clearly in a flurry of excitement. A wide smile spread on the warrior's face. The little cat had been enlightened, thanks to the starry ancestors of goodwill. Obviously they had guided the apprentice's emotions and had helped her see the light. Another sign that she was worthy of redemption.

In a lightly teasing but good-humored voice, she said, "Goodness, Dovepaw, don't lose your paws. Of course I'll help you find Owlstar, but we have to be proper about it and organized. We'll never find her if we have no method to our madness. But I'm glad of your enthusiasm.

Anyway, the first place we should check is her den." The striped FogClanner smoothly began to pad towards the pulled up roots that made up the black-and-white leader's den.

[Kelly]

Owlstar had been on her feet since sundown the previous day. Warriors lately had gotten so lazy– none of them volunteered for patrols anymore. And Mistpelt kept sending cats out to hunt, rather than watch the borders which were constantly under pressure. Yeah sure, prey was very important, especially now. But really. Sparing some warriors would not have been too hard, would it? She had just finished the morning patrol, after also taking care of the sundown one from the day before and the moonhigh one from earlier that day. The poor apprentices she ended up dragging along because not enough warriors were available.

Well. She'd definitely need to talk to Mistpelt about the whole ordeal sooner or later. Perhaps sometime today, after she had napped for quite a while. Awkwardly, her stomach rumbled, jolting her from the daze of a sleep she had almost fallen into. Maybe... eating would be smart? Then again, she hadn't actually brought any prey in. And that meant no taking any. What a predicament- quite an annoying one too. Ah well, perhaps some apprentice would bring her something before she woke up. They were always doing nice things like that.

As she dozed off again, the sound of voices and smell of cats right outside her den latched her like a fishing rod and kept her awake, preventing the warmth of sleep. Great StarClan- who in their name would be disturbing her now! Did they not realize she wanted nothing more but sleep now? Sleep, regain her energy, then possibly take Firepaw out later on. Yes, actually, that sounded like a fantastic plan. And there was definitely no room for any intruders like the ones hovering outside her den. The she-cat groaned softly, hissing to herself as her tail lashed. Well, she couldn't say not to letting them in if they asked.

“Quickly now,” she all but snapped, wanting the cats who waited outside to hurry with whatever they needed to do. “Do not just linger outside of the den, step in, step in.”

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[glowlynose]

At the apparent agitation in Owlstar's voice, Dovepaw jumped. Her pelt started to fluff, and electric tingles of fear coursed across her skin like little dancing lightning bugs. "Come in, come in," her Leader's voice beckoned, but the little apprentice was hesitant. Of all the things she did not want to face, Owlstar's wrath was foremost in her mind at the moment. The white she-cat found herself shrinking back from the mouth of Owlstar's den. Even her whiskers quaked in fear of what was to come.

Oh, stop it. You're being utterly ridiculous. She's just a little annoyed is all. Just go in and get permission so you can get this over with. Of course. That was all she had to do. Just walk in, submit her plea, and get permission to make her journey. A few deep breaths stilled her quivering nerves, and soon she was ready to face the fate that awaited her. Inside the den she padded, seemingly self-assured; in reality, her organs were accomplishing feats of impossible acrobatics underneath her skin and bones. She was inside Owlstar's Den. StarClan's chosen one relaxed, slept, meditated on things unknown in here. The power was... intoxicating. Dovepaw's pelt prickled with unease. She should not be in here. This was no place for the likes of her. She felt the reassuring brush of Birchtail's pelt on her tail and smiled. Owlstar had summoned them in, after all.

"Owlstar, I come before you to make a plea."

[/b] Well, that was just fantastic. Launch right in to your speech before being respectful. THAT was sure to earn brownie points. As an afterthought, Dovepaw made a deep bow of her head. She made to continue her address, but found that when she opened her mouth no words came. Her tongue semed stuck to the roof of her rapdily drying mouth. Her throat undulated as she made a nervous, empty swallow. Bile was rising swiftly with her nerves. It was too dark in here, too emclosed, too permeated with a feeling of raw power.

"Um. I mean, uh... well, I mean... I'd like to make a journey to the MoonGlade to talk with our ancestors. There's something I need to clear up with them... um... a matter of... my soul. And stuff. All I need is... your... blessing and... stuff." Dovepaw's mew trailed lamely off, her eyes averted from her leader. She did not know why some cats spoke of doubting Owlstar's leadership. The fiery she-cat was obviously powerful enough to inspire dumbness in the apprentice who feared no cat- or, up until now, had feared no cat. Dovepaw looked beseechingly at Birchtail. Perhaps she could make a better case for the journey they wished to make.
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[Cloud of Diamonds]

As they were welcomed - though rather briskly, she must admit - into the leader's den, Birchtail padded right next to Dovepaw, trying to silently reassure her of what they were going to do.

When the small white she-cat started to speak, Birchtail couldn't help shaking her head slightly in amusement. Oh, Dovepaw. Clearly she was a bit flustered. Well, perhaps she'd never been in close quarters with Owlstar before - it was possible.

After the apprentice's first statement, Birchtail realized they had neglected to formally great the black-and-white she-cat! How terrible of them not to follow organized procedure. Once Dovepaw had finished speaking, she stepped forward slightly to dip her head deeply to Owlstar.

"Owlstar. We are sorry for disturbing you, but it is an urgent matter, as Dovepaw said. Dovepaw has confided in me a sin, but one I believe was made in youth and ignorance, not in malice so it can be forgiven. After all, she was very young at the time. I suggested that she travel to the MoonGlade so that she may seek redemption and forgiveness from StarClan Themselves. She agreed, and asked that I accompany her. Do you approve of this?"

Birchtail found herself feeling just a bit anxious, now. Was it possible that Owlstar would deny them or tell them to wait? Perhaps the need for hunting and border patrols was more urgent...
But this was a matter pertaining to the ancestors. Surely it had more importance than everyday activities? And Dovepaw's faith and happiness were also something to be considered. Owlstar must grant their request; despite the murmurings that had been circulating lately, she'd seen no proof that Owlstar was a bad leader.