Random Jokes

[pteriforever]

1. Doctor Doctor! It hurts when I do this! *bangs head on desk*

2. How many Warriors characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

three, one to screw it in, one to deliver the prophecy and one to die dramatically.

3. What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

4. What starts with F and ends in UCK?

A FIRETRUCK!!!!!!!!!

5. I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger... And then it hit me.

[hostlietakeover]

Here's some Chuck Noris Jokes.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

[alykat]

Two old ladies were smoking on the front steps of their house. It started to rain, so lady one pulled out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The second lady looked at her and asks, "What is that?" The other lady smiles and tells her that it's a condom and it keeps her cigarette dry. She thought it was a good idea, so the next day lady number two goes to the pharmacy and asks for a box of condoms. The pharmacist, trying very hard not to laugh at the elderly lady, asks her what size she wants. She thought for a second and finally says "It doesn't matter as long as it fits on a camel." The pharmacist fainted.

[alykat]

These are the stupid jokes that you laugh at even though you dont think they're funny.

1. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.

2. Wanna hear a dirty joke?
White horse fell into the mud.

3. Two muffins were in an oven. One shouts "It's friggen hot in here!!" The other says "Holy crap! A talking muffin!!!"

4. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

5. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

6. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

[[ hardyrex ]]

"4. What starts with F and ends in UCK?

A FIRETRUCK!!!!!!!!!"

-snortgiggle-

[hostlietakeover]

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".
The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:
"HEBREWS"


There once was a boy called Matty who didnt have a body, he only had a head.
Then it came to his 18th birthday, so his dad who felt sorry for him took for a pint down the local pub, Matty was very excited about having his 1st drink of alcohol , so the proud father came in and placed Matty down on the bar and ordered 2 pints.
Then the father poured the beer into Mattys mouth, and once he'd finished a body had grown onto Mattys head, so he kept drinking and by the end of the night he was a normal man, with arms, legs, toes and fingers, but Matty kept on drinking.
The lesson you should learn from this is to always 'Quit while your a head'