Dear Diary, Glowy's glow is going out.

[glowlynose]

Dear Diary,
My glow is going out. I know it's horrible, but sometimes the truth is horrible. There's nothing I can do to stop it either. I'm scared. My glow is what's kept me feeling warm and happy. I guess my glow has really been dying for the past two months. You're probably wondering why, Diary. I guess I should explain.

For the sake of your sanity, I'll keep it short. Two months ago my best friend stopped talking to me. According to him, I didn't do anything. There was no way to explain why I was bothering him, or so he told me. It just was, sort of like gravity just is, if that makes any sense. It probably doesn't, but nothing makes sense anymore, so why should that?

In any case, it was turned into this huge dramatic thing in which he told me to stop trying to fix things and to leave him the fudge alone. So I did. But I told him that when he was ready, I'd be here. I figured it would last a few weeks at the most. But it's been 8 weeks, almost 9 now.

I thought things were fixed yesterday. A friend of mine talked to him and he apparently said, "Yeah, I dunno why we don't talk anymore. It's been a long time and I kinda miss it."She told me this, so I figured I was okay to at least say hi to him or something. I said hi to him today under the impression that I could say hi, he would say hi back, and things would be okay because he would have at least responded. Ha, what a joke. He just walked straight past me like I hadn't even said anything.

I had a Caramel Apple Pop. They're his favorite candy. I was gonna give it to him, but then he said he didn't want it. I know he was lying. He just didn't want it from me.

Stuff like that has essentially been happening for the past two months. Every time I think he wants me back, my glow gets a little brighter. But then it always dies again. I don't know what to do. This was the first time he admitted to missing me and wanting me back. I don't understand why he's acting this way. Am I that... unwantable? Am I less important to him than his ego? I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this.

I don't know, and that scares me. I'm lost. I hate feeling lost, except this is worse, because I'm lost without a map in the harsh territory of friendship. I feel lost, abandoned, confused, and hurt. I don't want to lose him though. He might seem like a jerk to you, Diary, but he isn't. He's the kind of boy who gives all his female friends mix CD's and chocolate roses on Valentines Day because he doesn't want anybody to feel unloved. He is anything but a jerk, Diary. He's also lost, himself. His family life sucks, and he's... he's a very conflicted boy. I'm more worried about him than I am about myself.

I'm lost, Diary, and my glow is going out. I might be without a light to find my path soon. So if I disappear for a while, I'm just in the dark. I'm just lost.

[glowlynose]

The Light

The light, the light, how it loves to torment me
Its glow never wavers, always a steady white
I used to be just like it
Back when times were simpler
Back when I knew self-control
Back when the world had no gray areas
I used to be just like that light.

Now look to your left; Do you see that incandescent bulb?
Yes, that flickering, yellowed one
Caked with dust on the top
That's more like me
Because now, the time has come for me to start growing up
I need to learn that it is not okay, what I've done
The white light exposes that
The white light sees what a disgusting, corrupt light I've become.

I hate what I've become!
My light isn't much use to anyone anymore
And it won't ever be again
Unless somebody performs surgery on my soul
And wipes the dust away
It's too bad that this little bulb can't let anybody try
She would just burn them without meaning to...

[/center]

[glowlynose]

SO.

I finally got off my lazy butt and decided to translate the lyrics from that song from Inception, the one they play for the musical cue for the kick. Non, je ne regrette rien. You know the one I'm talking about. I was just curious to see if it had any significance, or if it was just a pretty song the director or whoever chose at random. Here's the translation I got. It pretty much... yeah. Me. Fit of glee. Inception fangirl squee.

No, nothing at all
No, I regret nothing
Neither the good done to me
Nor evil, but I do not care
No, nothing at all
No, I regret nothing
It is paid, swept away, forgotten
I care about the past

With my memories I lit the fire
My sorrows, my pleasures, I no longer need them
Scanned loves, with their tremolos
Swept away forever, I leave with nothing

No, nothing at all
No, I regret nothing
Neither the good done to me
Nor evil, but I do not care
No, nothing at all
No, I regret nothing
Because my life because my joys
Today, it starts with you

Come on. Say it with me. I know you want to. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 8DDDDDDDD!