Catch [briarxgoose] a falling star. (PRIVATE) g

[glowlynose]

Briartail awoke from a relatively uneventful night's slumber, and though he hadn't had any nightmares, he was feeling strangely less refreshed than normal. Perhaps it was because he hadn't dreamed about anything that he was feeling so odd. When he had closed his eyes the previous night, he had been met with a wall of impenetrable black, and that screen had stayed there for the entire night.

He made his way out to the fresh-kill pile with noticeably less energy than normal. He couldn't even manage to make it out of the den without tripping over the splayed out limbs of his denmates, earning him a few sleepy groans. Luckily for him, it was still fairly early, not even dawn yet. Perhaps somebody aside from the disgruntled sleepers would notice his unusual state, but perhaps not, since he still wore his usual bright smile. A yawn greeted his breakfast, and he sort of started nodding off a bit while eating. Now that was pathetic. He'd barely even been awake for five minutes, and he was already set to go back to sleep. Ah well, no matter. He would go on the dawn patrol, hunt a little bit, and be right as rain before he knew it.

The mouse he'd selected was far from savory. It had been sitting out since last afternoon, and was one of the last pieces of prey available to eat. The meat was cold and stringy, and a layer of dew had settled on the corpse over the night. Lovely breakfast. Cold, hard, and wet. At least it was stimulating him into a state of near wakefulness. The cool morning bite was helping with that too. Yes, he was feeling much more refreshed already.

"Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day," he whispered to himself, a different sort of smile on his face now. Briartail was, of course, time traveling back to a time when his only cares were providing for his love. She'd used to say that pretty little rhyme to him all the time. No matter what a pocket was, it reminded him of her. "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away."

He hadn't let his star fade away yet. She would have been proud of him and how well he was doing, he thought. She would have liked how strong he was, even without her.

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[Whiskers]

Goosefur had tossed around restlessly all night, slipping into sleep only a few times. She was used to this insomnia by now; it had plagued her since she joined Streamclan. Every now and then she had good nights when she would sleep the entire time and dreams would rarely disturb her. She'd wake up and feel refreshed, zooming through her duties and contributing greatly to the fresh-kill pile. But last night had not been one of those golden nights. Her eyes had remained shut for, at most, an hour, before she opened them again and adjusted her position, desperately trying to get comfortable. Her clanmates probably found her annoying.

Yet today she didn't feel tired when the sun came up and brought dawn to Streamclan. She actually still felt restless, eager to get out of her small nest and stretch her muscles, get hunting or something. She knew that later on in the day she would crash and have to lie down somewhere, though Cloudstar would not appreciate such laziness. Soooo, you should probably make yourself useful now, she thought to herself, head still on her paws, maple eyes reflecting the morning light. Get up, lazy butt. Time to rise and shine. Just like the sun. Huh. So that's where that expression came from!

Goosefur pulled herself up and tiptoed around her dozing clanmates, though she knew that they would soon be roused by either the light or the deputy barking orders. Some were probably already awake, though their eyes remained closed, desperate for a few more minutes. She felt a little proud that she managed to motivate herself to get up, and when she entered the camp, she saw that she was not the only one who did so. She was quite surprised at the sight of Briartail, a kind tom who she had been on several patrols with (well, she'd been on patrols with everyone so that wasn't saying anything). However, she instantly smiled when she saw him-- she always did. He was one of the cats who did that for her. Her friends, kits, queens, Cloudstar, Badgernose, Coyotenose and Briartail.

So she went over to him and caught the last bit of what he was mumbling to himself. Her ears perked and her smile expanded. Never let it fade away. How... interesting. It was such a nice ditty, even though she realized she had no idea what it meant. Then again, a falling star didn't sound so nice.

"Falling stars? Pockets? How strange! Are you still dreaming, Briartail?" Goosefur said from behind him, though she bounced around him so she could talk to his face and not his tail, as her mother had taught her. She hoped he wouldn't take offense to her teasing, though he didn't seem the kind to do so.

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[glowlynose]

Briartail could vaguely register the noise of pawsteps underneath the crunch of bones in his jaws. That was one of the nice things about the early morning. Everything was so still, so peaceful, so quiet. One could let their soul get lost in dawn wanderings and never feel remorse, because it was dawn and dawn was so irrevocably perfect. Little beads of dew shone golden in the light; the world seemed set all aglitter with little shimmering scales of concentrated sunlight. Smiling to himself, Briartail made a mental note to wake up for more dawns. This was fantastic.

Now there was a voice. It was a feminine voice, and it was coming from behind him. Great StarClan, had Ember come back from the Beyond and joined him in StreamClan? The day was certainly suitable. He turned around to find the source of the voice, and found only air. Had his mind been playing tricks on him again? It was certainly possible. Shaking his head sadly, the tom went to finish the last few bites of his breakfast...

... and there sat Goosefur, smiling like nothing else. Had she been the one speaking? She must have been. "Hmm, wphahhh?" he mumbled through the mouse, though confusion was plainly drawn on his face, especially in his eyes. He chuckled at himself, then swallowed the remainder of the little mouse. Silly Briartail, always managing to make a joke of himself. Ember would have thought that one exceedingly funny, and probably wouldn't have let him live it down for the entire day. Oh, he could just see the sparkles of laughter in her golden eyes, the way her lips curled up ever so slightly before she giggled.

He missed her.

"Haha, I'm awake, Goosefur. No need to worry about me." He smiled easily, completely happy. Not that that was unusual for him, being happy, but it was unusual for him to be quite this happy. All the world was agreeable in his eyes as he basked in the warmth of his memories, and the sun as well. In fact, he quite felt like his soul was singing. Why was today such a good day? He couldn't tell you if you asked him. Maybe it was because he felt warm and alive. Ember must be touching his soul today.

"Don't you love it when everything is like this? I think dawn is the best time of the day, really. It's like the moments just after your first kits are born, before the worries of new parenthood have settled in, and the kits are quiet and peaceful, and all you can see is the sheer beauty of the moment.

"Look at the land, Goosefur. It's covered in little drops of sunshine. Today's going to be a good day, I can just tell." He sighed wistfully, a far away expression in his eyes. Even he did not know where his soul was right now. It certainly wasn't in StarClan, or near them, because if it were, he would feel cold. It wasn't quite touching the ground either, because then he would feel... well, normal.

Yes, his soul must be with Ember. That was the only logical explanation for this strange anomaly of his character. He hadn't thought it possible for him to be any happier than he was normally. Perhaps he'd forgotten Ember, and she was just giving him a gentle reminder of the way things used to be. He didn't mind much.

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[Whiskers]

Goosefur listened to Briartail and her good mood soared into a grand one. It wasn't even his words though-- they held truth to them, yes, and they touched her heart-- but it was the way he was saying it, the tone he was using. It was also possible that it was just the look of pure content on his face. Goosefur always loved smiles after all and she acted goofy in order to draw them out of cats. With Briartail, though, she didn't really have to act goofy if she didn't want to. It was like he had the same goal as her. He wanted to inspire happiness and awaken the joy within people.

Goosefur honestly didn't know why she didn't talk to him more. Here was a perfectly good cat in her own clan who she could get along with quite nicely. They were alike in many ways. Both happy, early risers (so it seemed), in love with kittens. She could also tell that he possessed a romantic soul, just by the way he talked and how his eyes caught the sunshine of his own words. You should talk with him more. Or better yet, ask him to go hunting with you. C'mon, Goosey, you're not shy. You can do it, a voice that sounded a lot like her sister's pestered her. Goose swallowed and for a brief second her happy-go-lucky smile faltered as nervousness entered. What if he didn't want to? What if he said no? That would be an awkward moment for sure, one that Goosefur wouldn't live down. Maybe it was best to just keep her mouth shut and start off slow. Eat breakfast with him.

Urgh, have you got bees in the brain? Can't even ask a nice cat out for a pleasant hunting trip. You disappoint me.

Goosefur swallowed again before letting her smile return to her face. She plopped down opposite of Briartail and decided just to keep the conversation going and maybe he would ask her...spare her the trouble of getting rejected, she figured. Oh how she wished she was braver! More like her sister, more like Cranetail. Even Loonstep would have asked and Loonstep wasn't particularly courageous or anything, he was just smart and confident.

"It does look like it's going to be beautiful, doesn't it?" she commented and her gaze drifted around the lazy Streamclan cat and the beauty and tranquility of the dawn helped lift her spirits and quell her nerves. She sighed softly. "You must be right. Dawn is the best time of day. I've never seen the world so at ease. It's because it doesn't have to think, I guess. Though I do like evening as well, just because of the stars, you know? I'm talking about when they first come out, and it's the end of sunset and the sky's still a bit dusty but you can see the stars anyway. That time. I like that time of day quite a lot."

She paused and considered how to move the conversation along. She couldn't just discuss times of day with him. Shouldn't she inquire how he was? Wasn't that the social norm? Goosefur supposed so, as she did not question herself any further and proceeded. "So, uh, how are you doing Briartail? Sleep well?"

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[glowlynose]

Briartail lit up when Goosefur mentioned the stars. Of course, the stars, how silly of him to forget! He and Ember used to stay up for hours and hours on end, just watching the stars. Once their kits had come along, they'd told stories about the stars, pretending that they were living things. It had always been nice to imagine that they were alive, because they were so beautiful. He'd loved the look that Ember would always get on her face when they talked about the stars. It was like the night sky left its perch and decided to instead live in her eyes, her smile, everything.

Then again, dawn had always been wonderful as well. The lighting had made her ginger pelt seem as if it were full of little flecks of metallic... something. He didn't quite know what, but it had been the best feeling in the world to see her there, pelt glistening, perfectly at peace in some dream. He missed that.

"Ah, yes, the night. Have you ever seen starbugs, Goosefur? I don't know what they're really called, but they're these little flying bugs that come out at night. Looks like the stars came down to play on earth. I would always watch them," he cut himself off here, shutting his eyes. He'd been about to say "I would always watch them with Ember." Then Goosefur would have asked who Ember was, and he'd have to tell her.

Why Briartail wanted to keep Ember's existence a secret from his clan was beyond him. The memories weren't painful, up until the last one. And it wasn't like they could keep them apart; Death was doing a great job of that so far. So why couldn't he tell anybody about his mate and kits? Were the memories still too close to his heart that letting them out would be cutting out a portion of himself? Perhaps.

"In any case, I'm fine, thanks. And you? How are you doing?" He couldn't help but feel disappointed that Goosefur had pulled out of their previous conversation. He could have talked about starbugs and the beauty of the world all day and still would have had more to say. He could have talked about wild roses, and the little noises baby birds made. The world was so big that you could talk about it all your life and still not talk about everything.

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[Whiskers]

When Briartail mentioned starbugs, Goosefur was momentarily confused and had no idea what he was talking about. She thought, of course, of ht stars, and her head tilted upward at this thought. It wasn't a conscious thing, more of a reaction-- and so Goosefur's eyes found nothing but dawn, as the stars had gone a long time ago. It was fine, though, as she remembered what Briartail was referring to once she realized there were no stars overhead. He as speaking of the light-up bugs. At least, that's what she called them. Starbugs was prettier, she had to admit. But back when she was a kitten, she would chase them around and she coined the phrase 'light-up bugs' because she thought they only lit up when they sneezed. In hindsight, she saw no explanation for that. She could have very well said they lit up when they smiled or when they coughed or something.

But it was a happy memory and she couldn't help smiling at the thought of the 'starbugs.' It would be so fun to go back in time and chase them around, wouldn't it? She was always the best at catching them, mostly because she had the patience for it. The others got sick of the game and moved on after the initial thrill wore into frustration.

She couldn't respond to Briartail though, not really, as he kept speaking and asked her how she was doing. Goosefur should have expected that. It was the obligatory response, wasn't it? Goosefur wrinkled her nose at this, horrified at herself for asking something that had an obligatory response. Boring boring boring. She was nothing but boring.

She'd have to turn it around somehow.

"Oh well, I'm okay I guess. I didn't sleep very well-- the starbugs kept me up," she joked. It wasn't really true, though she had watched them buzz around now and then...but their lovely lights were relaxing and helped her drift off, they didn't keep her up. "They really are lovely. Sometimes I wonder if they are stars coming down to play-- imagine that. Wouldn't that be fun? I mean, the stars are Starclan, so if the stars came down, wouldn't that mean the dead are visiting?" she paused and blinked. She had been thinking out loud and hadn't really listened to herself. "Okay...that's actually more creepy than fun. But they're harmless. And beautiful, of course, so I suppose...ghosts can be a good thing."

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[glowlynose]

Briartail stopped to ponder Goosefur's statement. Of course, it made sense. It made perfect sense. It was also too perfect to possibly happen. Because, if it did happen, that would mean that Ember could come down and be with him, if only for a little while. If only there could be some way to tell her apart from the other starbugs. Maybe if she could glow a different color, or brighter than all the rest. She had when she was alive. Ember would surely glow the brightest and the most pure out of all the souls in the world. It was just the way she was.

It was sort of funny the way Briartail thought about Ember, to tell the truth. As you, the reader, may have noticed, he had a tendency to think about her as if she still existed. Technically speaking, she still did, but not in the sense that he liked to tell himself that she did. You see, Briartail thought that Ember's soul had been perfectly preserved, and that everything was as pristine as it was only moments before she had died. Unfortunately, in death, a soul is bound to lose some things, like memories. A soul is not a mind, after all. As the mind dies, so do the memories. A few important things, such as personality, are preserved, since the personality is woven into the soul, but there is no way to determine if feelings for earthly companions survive after death.

Briartail stuck to optimism, but lately, every time he'd thought about Ember, it made his insides cold. It confused him endlessly. He still loved her, but that cold feeling was growing more and more each time he thought about her. Somewhere, he knew that he was fooling himself, trying to believe that she could still love him after death, but he kept on anyway. Without her, he had nothing. If he let himself lose her, he would be a failure, just like his father had always said.

Besides, there was nobody for him in StreamClan. Everybody thought he was a fool. If he opened himself up to love once more, he would just be shot down.

All this he tried to hide from Goosefur, and he did a decent job of it. The only part of his body that betrayed his turmoil was his eyes. "No, I don't think that's creepy. If my loved ones could come down and be with me, I would jump at the chance, you know?"

He smiled at Goosefur, eyes glistening. Oh, if only he could see Ember and his kits again, in their true forms, not all burnt and shriveled up. All he wanted was to know that they were happy, wherever they were. They might not have gone to StarClan, having never heard of the warrior ancestors. He hoped they had, but there was always the possibility that they hadn't. That thought made him sad, so he tried to push it away, but it was stubborn. What would it be like to spend eternity away from his love? What would it be like to perhaps even see her wandering different skies, and be separated from her because he was with StarClan and she was not? He might as well spent his afterlife in the Pit.

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[Whiskers]

Briartail's comment stuck to Goosefur and wouldn't let go. It was almost...disturbing. Because as he said it, there was something in his eyes that made Goosefur shiver with, strangely enough, nostalgia. The journey was recalled to her mind and she remembered taking care of kits and comforting them when one of their siblings, or parents, died. If she closed her eyes she could picture he look in their eyes as she explained that they would not be coming back. It was a look that had surrounded her endlessly during those moons when she abandoned her warrior duty and played the part of queen and caretaker. And here was that same look again, an echo from her past, lingering in the eyes of a cat she barely knew, yet suddenly understood.

There was so much behind Briartail's words, his steps and his blissful smiles. She wondered why she had not seen it before. True, he was a happy cat, but he moved and spoke with purpose. There was someone behind it all. Someone that he had lost not so long ago. Goosefur ached to ask who it was. A kit of his own, a mate, a brother or a sister, his parents? Whoever it was, it was someone filled with love and kindness, because Briartail must be inspired by them, to be as happy as he was. Then again, maybe she wasn't reading him as well as she thought. It was possible Goosefur was missing a large chunk of his story, failing to see that his happiness wasn't as honest as it came across. She didn't know. But she liked to think that his happiness was pure and sincere, inspired by the memory of whomever it was Briartail had lost.

She couldn't relate past those experiences during the journey though. All those who she cared about most were alive and well. True, they were separated from her. And it hurt to be away from them and she would love it if they could visit, just like starbugs. But it wasn't the same. She could still see them. Briartail couldn't see his loved one anymore. He would have to wait for Starclan, and Goosefur still had doubts over Starclan's existence.

Since she couldn't relate very well, it was hard to continue the conversation. And it was hard for Goosefur to contain her questions about Briartail's lost loved one. But she managed it, somehow.

"I haven't lost anyone...not really. My friends are all in separate clans but they aren't gone. But yeah, I imagine it would be...perfect, having someone come down and visit with you for a while. Though if they did that, they couldn't watch over you as much and I've always been comforted by the thought that someone is always there, watching and protecting, even from afar. Even if it isn't true...it's a beautiful thought."

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