Post by glowlynose on Apr 5, 2011 12:24:54 GMT -5
Dovepaw had not said a word to Volepelt since they had left camp, and he had done the same. She could feel a definite tension in the air and wondered if he could feel it too. He must know how she was feeling right now, if he even recognized feeling anymore. Dovepaw was angry, resentful, ashamed of what she had done and what had come of it, but none of her negative feelings were aimed at her mentor. She was just sulking. After all, blaming Volepelt would be unjustified. He'd just done what Mistpelt had said should be done to sinners. Smokefur had been innocent of wrongdoing, but it was her fault that Volepelt had not known that, not his. Everything was her fault.
Volepelt said they were coming out here to talk. That was odd. This sure was a silent conversation. Perhaps he was trying to communicate with his mind and not his mouth. What a goof. Anybody should know that was impossible. Or maybe he felt as awkward as she did being out here with him on her own. It made creepy-crawlies skitter all over her body when she looked at him. There he was, just walking along, completely unfazed by what he had just done to an innocent cat. Smokefur would carry those scars in his heart for the rest of his life and Volepelt hadn't even blinked an eye! He seemed to feel no remorse. Did he genuinely believe that attacking somebody and making them bleed their sins out would absolve them of blame and automatically equaled forgiveness?
Ignorance, as she had learned this day, was a curse more than it was a blessing. The truth had to be actively sought, or else it would become lost and everybody would settle for their own opinions because that was the closest thing to truth that remained. The problem came when everybody's truth was different. Was there an ultimate Truth, or was the universe really just a spattering of everybody's individual truths? Was there nothing to guide her life? StarClan wasn't the answer. If they were dead warriors, they were still warriors nonetheless, and that made them imperfect. Death would not strip imperfections away from an imperfect soul. Unless there was something more out there that cats discovered in StarClan, they would just stay lost forever. She highly doubted that anybody found anything in StarClan. From what she'd heard, it was just a place for good little cats to go after they'd died. Follow all the rules, and you can hunt in the skies forever. There would be no more snow up there, because StarClan's hunting grounds were perfect.
Why would anybody need to hunt in StarClan anyway? They'd be dead! You didn't need to eat if you were dead! No, StarClan made no sense, at least the way that her clan believed it. StarClan was the ultimate authority on everything, worthy of all worldly praise, like this thing her housefolk had worshipped called... money. They would sit at their table and talk about how thankful they were that they had enough money to buy this latest, greatest thing. Money made them comfortable, they said. Money needed to be saved, stored away somewhere safe, and you had to be really careful not to let the people at the place your money was stored get mad at you, or else you'd lose all your money. To get into StarClan, you had to protect your soul with all you had, you had to buy your soul's worth with good deeds and not let it depreciate by never sinning, because if you made StarClan mad at you then they would take your soul away and not let it pass into their perfect skies. You lost your soul if you sinned.
God, FogClan was weird. They actually believed that. Dovepaw didn't know what she believed, but it sure as heck wasn't that bundle of tripe. They talked about forgiveness all the time, but they didn't seem to have the tools to forgive, not really. They thought they were StarClan and had the right to pass judgment on their clanmates. They had no right to do so. Nobody was better than anybody else. They were all in the same boat, living on the same ground, eating the same prey, thinking the same "sinful" thoughts.
Dovepaw would never be like them. She would forgive anybody who wronged her, within reason. She would forgive Volepelt for what he'd done to Smokefur, Mistpelt for taking over her clan and turning her life into... she didn't even know anymore. What was her life? What was she living for except to find Truth? She would even try to forgive herself for the terrible things she'd done, the things that had screwed everything up. If she couldn't forgive herself, all would be lost. If she couldn't forgive anybody, she had no right to ask anybody else to do the same. All she could do was try.
They were at the Training Hollow now. The ground was firm beneath her paws, dotted with little chunks of ice, barely larger themselves than the grains of sand. She sat down and waited for Volepelt to do the same. As she looked at his blank face, she found herself wondering again if he even felt anything, or had all emotion been beaten out of him my his past? What was his story? Perhaps it would help her understand him more if she knew. The more she learned, the closer she would come to the Truth. But that wasn't why he'd brought her here. He'd said they needed to talk. He had an agenda. So she studied him as she waited for him to speak, her heart filling with an unbidden compassion for this cat who seemed so lost. He must be searching too, except he thought he'd already found it. Was there any discord within his heart? Did he even see what she saw?
So she looked and pitied and let her heart be filled with a compassion that did not come from within. Maybe if her heart broke for him it would fix his heart.
[/center]Volepelt said they were coming out here to talk. That was odd. This sure was a silent conversation. Perhaps he was trying to communicate with his mind and not his mouth. What a goof. Anybody should know that was impossible. Or maybe he felt as awkward as she did being out here with him on her own. It made creepy-crawlies skitter all over her body when she looked at him. There he was, just walking along, completely unfazed by what he had just done to an innocent cat. Smokefur would carry those scars in his heart for the rest of his life and Volepelt hadn't even blinked an eye! He seemed to feel no remorse. Did he genuinely believe that attacking somebody and making them bleed their sins out would absolve them of blame and automatically equaled forgiveness?
Ignorance, as she had learned this day, was a curse more than it was a blessing. The truth had to be actively sought, or else it would become lost and everybody would settle for their own opinions because that was the closest thing to truth that remained. The problem came when everybody's truth was different. Was there an ultimate Truth, or was the universe really just a spattering of everybody's individual truths? Was there nothing to guide her life? StarClan wasn't the answer. If they were dead warriors, they were still warriors nonetheless, and that made them imperfect. Death would not strip imperfections away from an imperfect soul. Unless there was something more out there that cats discovered in StarClan, they would just stay lost forever. She highly doubted that anybody found anything in StarClan. From what she'd heard, it was just a place for good little cats to go after they'd died. Follow all the rules, and you can hunt in the skies forever. There would be no more snow up there, because StarClan's hunting grounds were perfect.
Why would anybody need to hunt in StarClan anyway? They'd be dead! You didn't need to eat if you were dead! No, StarClan made no sense, at least the way that her clan believed it. StarClan was the ultimate authority on everything, worthy of all worldly praise, like this thing her housefolk had worshipped called... money. They would sit at their table and talk about how thankful they were that they had enough money to buy this latest, greatest thing. Money made them comfortable, they said. Money needed to be saved, stored away somewhere safe, and you had to be really careful not to let the people at the place your money was stored get mad at you, or else you'd lose all your money. To get into StarClan, you had to protect your soul with all you had, you had to buy your soul's worth with good deeds and not let it depreciate by never sinning, because if you made StarClan mad at you then they would take your soul away and not let it pass into their perfect skies. You lost your soul if you sinned.
God, FogClan was weird. They actually believed that. Dovepaw didn't know what she believed, but it sure as heck wasn't that bundle of tripe. They talked about forgiveness all the time, but they didn't seem to have the tools to forgive, not really. They thought they were StarClan and had the right to pass judgment on their clanmates. They had no right to do so. Nobody was better than anybody else. They were all in the same boat, living on the same ground, eating the same prey, thinking the same "sinful" thoughts.
Dovepaw would never be like them. She would forgive anybody who wronged her, within reason. She would forgive Volepelt for what he'd done to Smokefur, Mistpelt for taking over her clan and turning her life into... she didn't even know anymore. What was her life? What was she living for except to find Truth? She would even try to forgive herself for the terrible things she'd done, the things that had screwed everything up. If she couldn't forgive herself, all would be lost. If she couldn't forgive anybody, she had no right to ask anybody else to do the same. All she could do was try.
They were at the Training Hollow now. The ground was firm beneath her paws, dotted with little chunks of ice, barely larger themselves than the grains of sand. She sat down and waited for Volepelt to do the same. As she looked at his blank face, she found herself wondering again if he even felt anything, or had all emotion been beaten out of him my his past? What was his story? Perhaps it would help her understand him more if she knew. The more she learned, the closer she would come to the Truth. But that wasn't why he'd brought her here. He'd said they needed to talk. He had an agenda. So she studied him as she waited for him to speak, her heart filling with an unbidden compassion for this cat who seemed so lost. He must be searching too, except he thought he'd already found it. Was there any discord within his heart? Did he even see what she saw?
So she looked and pitied and let her heart be filled with a compassion that did not come from within. Maybe if her heart broke for him it would fix his heart.
We have a cbox again and we're opening the place up as a closed, members only rp