Sootpaw

[masorin]

Name | sootpaw

Gender | tom

Age | 10

Rank | apprentice

Clan | Stream

beliefs: if a tree falls in the forest it is the will of star clan but we should probably avoid getting hit by it none the less. obey the warrior code and all will be well.

Parents | Sharpwisker(father) and lillyfoot(mother)

Siblings | Pebblepaw(sister)

Other Kin | optional

Mate |[/b not yet

Crush | not yet

Kits | not yet

Apprentice/Mentor | not yet

Appearance | an almost all gray cat. his fur is marked with spots where his natural light gray coat darkens making it appear as though he is dirty even when freshly washed. His tail is short and vary bushy despite its oily sheen that comes from eating fish. His ear has a small scar from when his sister scratched him during a play fight. His eyes are a cold yet kind blue.

Personality | young and eager Sootpaw is ready for action. He is energetic and often annoying towards others especially his sister. It was often joked that Sootpaw liked the sound of his own voice so much that he would scare away prey but he has learned threw his training that some times its good to stop talking. He holds a great amount of respect for the elders and fully believes in the will of star clan.

Skills | not a natural born hunter Sootpaw had to be trained to be silent, however when given an order to stop talking and listen he now knows to remain silent and does so with impressive skill. He isn’t strong but he is swift and quick, Sootpaw is surprisingly nimble for an apprentice, but he lacks physical strength.

History | Born to a good queen, Lilyfoot who was mate to Sharpwhisker. Lilyfoot was a pretty white she-cat with blue eyes and Sharpwhisker was a black cat with grey splotches. Sadly Sharpwhisker never saw the birth of his kits due to dying from an infected wound and Lilyfoot lived long enough to watch her kits become apprentices before succumbing to her unknown illness.

Growing up as a kit his name was Sootkit, and grew up along side Pebblekit his sister. During a play fight gone wrong his sister had cut into his ear tearing it to the point where it left a scar. Still he didn’t really blame his sister and actually defended her in many arguments. He stands by his sister despite her abrasive manners and they became apprentices together.

During his training he had to learn how to actually stay quite a thing which was very difficult for the small gray cat. but he found that once he actually learned how to keep his mouth shut he hunted far better.

[Rolo]

Hey there This is looking very good for a first bio. Your writing style is very good What is here is wonderful, it just needs a little elaboration. In future, I'd encourage the use of capital letters, at the beginning of sentences at least. However, I won't make you do it on this one, it's just something to consider in the future.

Here on FoF, we try to help you improve at your writing and bio making skills by giving you some constructive criticism on each bio. It's not done to be mean, it's done to help you Virtually every person has to make some changes to their first cat, so it's a path we all go down. However, trust me, it will get easier as you work out what we require :3

Beliefs
Your beliefs are pretty clear, but they could do with a little more explanation. So, if he thinks that Starclan causes all the disasters, does that mean that he doesn't like them? Does that mean he believes in fate? It would be quite interesting if he was angry at them, perhaps for his parent's deaths (coping with it so young would have been very difficult). Why is the warrior code so essential?

Answer these questions, and the belief section will become more interesting

Relationships
Here on FoF, you have to indicate whether a cat's parents and siblings are alive and whether they are played. The possible tags you could use are

[NP] - Not played
[PC] - A character you or another member are considering making
[DC- *member name] Definite character, already made by someone else.

So, for Sharpwhisker you would need to put - Sharpwhisker(father) deceased [NP]

You need to do this for all the characters.

Personality
So far, this is very good You have a nice little character here. However, to make it better, you should tell us why he acts like he does. Why does Sootpaw act so annoyingly sometimes? Why does he respect the elders? Underneath his cheery exterior, is there any sadness at his parent's death or is he happy with his sisters company? Furthermore, what are his dreams?

Skills
This is pretty simple Awesome work so far, but you need to mention his hunting and fighting skills. Adding swimming skills would be a good idea, since he's in streamclan

Don't lose courage! I believe this cat will be accepted quickly and easily if you make these changes You've managed to avoid a lot of newbie mistakes, so kudos to you!

Remember to post on the Notification Thread when you've made the changes!