The Dark Forest

[Ten]

A few minor things that I suggest you fix before bringing it WW, miss.


"However, we do know, for certain, that the Dark forest" <-- Forest


"I shall explain by walking you through the concepts that make it up."
--
"Consists of" would be a nice phrase to use here.


"Firstly, the Dark forest" <-- Forest


"We also are told that one of the main aspects of the Dark forest" <-- Forest


"is that there is no stimulation," <-- comma splice


"you cannot do anything you used to do in life (Hunt," <-- lowercase


"This leads one to believe that the Dark forest" <-- Forest


"You were bad in life," <-- comma splice


"We are told that you are alone in the dark forest," <-- comma splice


"You can't see anyone in the dark forest..." <-- Dark Forest


"except when you meet up with your equally-evil son or if you're evil/talented enough to get past the enforced seperation."
--
Separation? Then again, it could be another British spelling thing I don't know about - Firefox says humourous and colour are wrong too.


"Yes, Tigerclaw has been said to have met both Hawkfrost and Darkstripe on seperate occations."
--
Separate occasions?
Shall I dig up quotes of those?


"Ask Erin Hunter - www.warriorcats.com/warriorshell.htm"
--
Link's not working.


"Next concept. There is a divide between Starclan" <-- StarClan

"A Starclan cat" <-- StarClan


"can get lost in the Dark Forest if they aren't careful? So, lets" <-- let's


"You can be either damned to a life of torment by being evil..."
--
Not sure how strict they are about this, but the rules claim a zero tolerance of profanity.


"Does the Erins' "<-- Do, no apostrophe


"Perhaps it is simply a place for bad cats, like a holding den, keeping the world and Starclan" <-- StarClan


"But... sorry"
--
Why do you apologize?


"In fact, Tigerstar has even physically hurt a cat, Lionpaw, in these dreams."
--
Nothing I read indicated that it was a dream.


"Why as Tigerstar so" <-- was

"what did the dark warrior want" <-- What


"Tigerstar has an influence over life even in death and he gets to talk in cats in dreams."
--
And waking real life, if he feels like it.


"He's not thinking of his past evil deeds and regretting them," <-- comma splice


"Tigerstar is also not exactly being 'tormented' through loneliness," <-- comma splice


"Even if he's been starved of prey and stimulation,"
--
Question: do dead cats need to eat?


"I'm sure he's not desperately unhappy as he cats to plot and carry out his plots"
--
He cats to plot?


"Even worse, Tigerstar sometimes shows more power than starclan." <-- StarClan


"Starclan gives prophecies occationally" <-- occasionally?


"The forced loneliness," <-- no comma


"Nope, because a Starclan cat" <-- StarClan


"Perhaps you have thought of another point which could rubbish all my critisism"
--
Rubbish is a verb? mm. I'll have to use that some time.

A few days ago I was listening to a woman praise British dialect, in particular the word "brilliant" - as she said, paraphrased, it's a great thing to say for any situation, earnest or sarcastic.


"Feel free to agree or disagree with me," <-- comma splice


"I may even put up entire plausible theories on this post if yours is a good one"
--
mm, this seems... to verge on condescending, while I know you don't mean it that way. Best to be beyond reproach, though.


"I'd also be interested in any of your general thesis" <-- theories?


As for your tone, I see no problems with it, but considering my reception there I'm not the best judge.