My creations

[Cloud of Diamonds]

[Cloud of Diamonds]

And then there was one...more chapter that I was finally posting.

Chapter 5
“Leafpool was sharing a mouse with Cloudtail when Jaypaw nosed his way out of the medicine den and padded to the fresh-kill pile.”

I guess the Erins are just trying to be descriptive when they say he “nosed” his way out of the den because he can’t see, but that still doesn’t stop me thinking of him walking along with his nose pressed to the ground.

“He whisked his tail along Jaypaw’s flank.”

Return of the supertails. The sequel, tickets now half price!

““You’ve got a more important job. Leafpool wants you to come with us to gather herbs.” Great. Jaypaw suddenly didn’t feel hungry anymore.”

Though Ten’s nickname for Jaypaw (Jerkface) is pretty good, my own for him is now Sir Idiot. So. He’s unhappy just because he has to gather herbs and doesn’t get to hunt. Well let’s think about what he’s been doing for the past three books, hmmm, maybe GATHERING HERBS a lot of the time? Why would he suddenly be all angsty about it now? Somebody shoot him. Heck, somebody shoot all of them except maybe Breezepelt.

“The woods were drowsy with heat”

Wait…trees need to sleep? I didn’t know that.

“If anyone catches us,” Hollypaw mewed, “we can just say we were just trying to get some tips before our own assessment. No warrior could object to that.””

Yes, they could. You’re not doing anything productive, not to mention possibly breaking the code. Though I don’t see how you’re “picking up tips” by watching them. They hunt pretty much the same way you do. Except they aren’t stus/sues.

“Birds chittering in the trees above the hollow woke Jaypaw. Dawn.”

I guess he looked at his magical alarm clock when he woke up and it said “Why hi there, Sir Idiot I mean Jaypaw. The birds are singing, the prey is running, and everything’s just absoflipping hunky-dory except for the lack of a plot. Oh, by the way it’s dawn. Have a nice day, and don’t ever be consistent or make sense, or you’ll be killed off!”
SO YEAH.

““Where are you going?” Leafpool’s mew startled him as he headed for the den entrance. “I left some leaves behind,” he lied.”

Apparently lying is part of the legacy he inherited from his grandfather. Whoop-de-doo.

““But Poppypaw looks as calm as a vixen.”

….how do they know that female foxes are particularly calm? And why would they be? I thought the Clans thought that foxes were violent creatures. But they can’t be more violent than Firestar

““Where shall I hunt?” Honeypaw mewed nervously. “Trust your instinct,” Poppypaw advised.”

Knowing the territory might also help. Which I think she does, as she’s an experienced apprentice.

“The air was suddenly thick with pain.”

I’m getting this mental image of a mixing bowl with a recipe sheet beside it that says “Want to make your cake perfect? Just adding some pain will thicken the mix!”

“Waves of agony flooded from Cinderpaw’s injured leg.”

Yes, I know she’s most likely in great agony, but Sir Idiot can sense pain waves now? I guess he’s Just That Special.

“Cloudtail scrabbled onto the trunk, pushing Hollypaw to one side. “I knew she wasn’t ready!”

Then why, in StarClan’s stupid name, didn’t you freaking insist to Leafpool so instead of accepting her weak assurances and strolling out? You IDIOT, Cloudtail.

““We need to get her back to camp,” Jaypaw told him. “Hollypaw, you go on ahead and warn Leafpool.”

Hollypaw hesitated, not wanting to leave her friend.”

You. Stupid. Moron. Hollypaw. Sitting on your tail beside her isn’t doing anything. Going to warn the medicine cat so she’ll be ready to treat your friend is. –headdeskheaddeskheaddesk-

““You shouldn’t have told Cloudtail she was ready for her assessment.””

For once I agree with Sir Idiot.

““That’s not for you to judge.” Leafpool’s voice quavered.”

Why?

““You didn’t even watch a training session to make sure she was fully fit.”

Exactly. Listen to Sir Idiot, Leafsue.

““You can’t always do the right thing. No matter how much you want to.” “I know.” Grief pulsed from his mentor, sharper and deeper than Jaypaw expected. “But I’ll always try.”

BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-tears up- Snort….Leafsue…being a sue....saying something totally untrue…hey, that rhymes.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

And another!

Chapter 6

“Graystripe flicked Icepaw’s ear gently with his tail”

News flash: According to the Erins, cat tails are made of elastic.

“Disappointed, Hollypaw turned away and stared at the medicine cat’s den. I’ll just peek in and see if anyone’s awake. She padded to the cave and nosed her way through the brambles that covered the entrance.”

Wait…I haven’t seen said brambles before. Did they fall from the sky? Hrm…..

“Had he fallen out with his mentor? But what have they got to fall out over?”

-Snicker….snort…snort-….a load. Haven’t you noticed, Holly dearest?

“The young cats looked sleek and shiny from close grooming, and their eyes sparkled.”

Here it is: Undeniable proof that Stephanie Meyer has infiltrated BlunderClan.

“Sorreltail gave Poppypaw’s ears a fierce lick.”

Slurpity slurp slurp. That might hurt, though.

““Poppypaw, from this moment you shall be known as Poppyfrost.””

How does a cat look like, have a personality like, or use their frost? I’m imagining little black frozen seeds here. Don’t think Poppyfrost looks like that.

““Honeypaw, you shall be known as Honeyfern.”

Again, same issue. I’m getting an image of a fern dripping with honey. Honeyfern is not green or leafy.

“I want to avoid bloodshed if we can.”

Orlynao, Firestar?

“Sandstorm glared back. “Don’t you fight anyone anymore?””

We’re getting a bit bloodthirsty, aren’t we?

““You act like they’re still our allies.”

Thank you, Brambleclaw. Yes, he does, in spite of WindClan actually calling BlunderClan on their idiocy.

““The Clans are all rivals now.””

No duh. And they were long before you came, Mr. Zombie Horse.

“Hollypaw recognized Harespring, a young brown and white tom.”

How does a cat look like, have a personality like, or use their spring? I’m picturing a cat with slinkies tied to their paws.

“Brackenfur tipped his head towards the sheep and dogs mewling and barking on the distant slope.”

Wait….sheep or dogs can mew? Maybe some of them are actually cats in disguise..though I don’t know where they would have gotten the costumes….ah heck, what do I know? I’m just thinking logically here.

“Hollypaw fought the urge to agree. She must think logically.”

Too late.

“Was this what power meant to him? The need to fight for the smallest reason? Hollypaw shivered. If it did, would any cat be able to stop him?”

OHNOEZ LIONPAW IS WANTING VIOLENCE!!!! This is not new, in case anyone was wondering. And yes, I rather think many cats would be able to stop him. His mentor. His supposed father. His leader, at the very least. They’re all more experienced and smarter (relatively) than him. Also bigger. I suppose what Holly says here sounds more dramatic.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Chapter 7

“Lionpaw tugged another sprig of moss from his pelt. Hauling the stuff in and out of dens had left his fur itching. His muscles were knotted from the tedious work.”

Yes, moss carrying must be so very tiring. And yet fighting cats doesn’t tire him as much. Hmmm.

“The sunset patrol had left without him.”

What the flip? Is he just so arrogant Uber Speshul that he thinks every blasted patrol should have him in it?

“There was nothing left to do but sleep, though he longed to run through the forest, stretch his legs, and feel the wind in his fur.”

What the flip? I thought he just said he was really tired. Or did he pass Go, collect three hundred dollars, and get a full heal?

“He blinked open his eyes to find himself lying on bare ground, surrounded by close, whispering pine trees.”
1. When you blink, you CLOSE and then OPEN your eyes. That is a blink. Opening your eyes means opening your eyes, stupid.
2. Whispering pine trees? Do they have cats inside them saying things or is Lionpaw schizophrenic now?

“Hawkfrost was already sitting in the needle-strewn hollow, his amber eyes glowing in the half light.”

Wait…Lionpaw just said the ground is bare. Did the pine needles magically appear? And Hawkfrost has BLUE eyes, as seen on the cover of sunset. Yay Erin Hunter inconsistency! -_-

“I could reach the border in one leap if wanted.”

Despite all the pesky ol’ trees on the way. Unless his powers include turning himself into a flying drill.

“One day he’d be at the head of every patrol.”
Apparently Lionpaw has the gained the ability to clone himself. Wonder how.

“He followed the tunnel around a bend, his paws sliding on polished rock.”

News flash: Erinland rock has the ability to polish itself.

“Won’t she ever trust me?”

I wouldn’t.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Chapter 8

“Daisy only ever worried about her kits. The rest of her Clanmates could starve for all she cared.”

Great baby maker Clanmate, eh?

“It was obvious she wasn’t Clanborn.”

As obvious as it is that you are a whiny brat, Jaypaw.

“Toadkit’s tiny gray paws scraped against the ground as he struggled out of his mother’s clutches.”

I thought we were told he was black and white. Unless he was actually just a paint blob Daisy mistook for her son, it came to life, and now its colors blended. -_-

…..Continuity? What is this “continuity” you speak of?-The Erins, most likely.

“His voice was steady, but Jaypaw could feel waves of anxiety pulsing from him, bouncing off the walls of the hollow like distant thunder.”

Apparently Firestar is also a bat as well as a zombie horse and has the ability of sending his emotions in sound waves. I’d really like to know which scientist oversaw the gene-splicing that created him. -_- And Jaypaw can hear him because of course he is Just That Special.

“They might be struggling to feed their Clan, but stealing was a cowardly solution.”

No, it’s the only option available to them and better they steal from BlunderClan that anyone else.

“How could she beg like that? She was almost a warrior!”

With a beeping broken leg. And you’re a medicine cat. Freaking fetch her some flipping water, you insensitive whiny clod who needs to go die in a hole.

“He struggled to flee, but his paws wouldn’t grip the slippery grass.”

News flash: In case of drama, Erinland grass is made of glass. Plus, there are these useful things called CLAWS attached to your paws. Ever heard of them, Jaypaw dearest?

“Leafpool sat down heavily.”

Leafpool randomly had lead attached to her butt?

““I’ve failed her, and I’ve failed StarClan.””

Do we care? No. Shuddup, Leafsue. No one cares about you, you Emo Druggie.

“Perhaps the damp air carried the sound more easily.”

Why would it? Does damp air have more magical sound-carrying elves in it?

““What in the name of StarClan are you doing?” Teeth grasped his tail, and Jaypaw was jerked backward onto the top of the bank. It was Firestar.”

If I hadn’t read the two books after this, I would’ve been hoping that Jaypaw would drown. Also, Firestar displays his zombie strength. Even if Jaypaw is a small apprentice, it would still be hard to pull him out by his tail. Plus, it would hurt him like hell, and most likely he’d fall forward in shock and pain, trying to push away from Firestar who is an idiot and doing the wrong thing. As usual.

“How could he explain his need for the stick?”

Is it just me or is Jay getting a bit….serious…about a piece of wood? I mean really. It’s an inanimate object, not….dirty thoughts come to mind. >.>

“The fur along his spine rippled at the thought of Leafpool asking questions, of his Clanmates staring at his stick, seeing what he could not see, touching what was his.”

I swear the Erins are trying to make me think dirty thoughts. Honestly. And this highly suggestive piece of literature is in a children’s book. Whoo.

“It had tried to swallow him when he was kit.”

News flash: Jaypaw is so deluded Special that he thinks the lake was trying to swallow him. Drown him, sure. Sink him, sure. Swallow him? Now I’m thinking the lake is actually a water monster or something.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Chapter 9

“He could hear Leafpool stretching in her nest. It must be dawn.”

That magical alarm clock of his sure is useful. I want one.

“Quickly, he pressed Cinderpaw against the thorny hedge and flicked his tail across her mouth to silence her gasp.”

Yes, pushing an injured cat into SHARP POINTY THINGS is going to stop them gasping. That makes so much sense. And yes, Jaypaw too has a supertail. I'm starting to wonder if the warrior cats are related to Mr. Fantastic.

“The moment the bramble-covered entrance swished shut...”

Because brambles can totally swish. They're thorn bushes, but OF COURSE they can swish like a curtain. Hunter logic yay. -_-

““I'm not getting much choice,” she grumbled.”

No, Cinderpaw, you have plenty of choice. If you liked, you could tell Jaypaw to shut the flip up and go back to the medicine den. In fact, please do so. He can't make you do anything, even if he is Uber Super Special.

“Once they reached the trees, Jaypaw relaxed a little. They would be out of sight of the camp guard and any patrols here.”

Apparently BlunderClan cats have suddenly lost all sense of smell. Poor kitties.

“The smooth grass beyond the trees was slippery, and they slid and stumbled down the slope towards the lake.”

Again with the slippery grass. How can grass be slippery? It's a thin, easily breakable plant, epecially for cats with claws. Or do Jay and Cinder have no coordination skills whatsoever?

“Cinderpaw was wading deeper into the lake. She gasped as the fur lapped her belly. “You told me it wasn't cold!””

1.She's just noticing this now? I notice when water is cold right away when I get in it.
2.Fur lapping her belly. I think it's supposed to mean water unless I've been mislead and the lake is really a huuuuge blob of fur that fish can live in and boats can sail on. That's some pretty magical fur.

“But her gaze warmed his pelt.”

News flash: Leafsue has heat vision.

“Leafpool ran her tail across his damp flank.”

Leafpool must feel that since Jaypaw spent time with another female, she must reinforce her claim on him.

““I do.” Stars swirled in Willowpaw's mind.”

Either she's dizzy or like the BlunderClan medicine cats, she is a druggie. Druggie is more likely.

“Willowpaw, from this moment you will be known as Willowshine.”

Stephanie Meyer was not content with infiltrating BlunderClan, so she went to RiverClan as well.

“May you use them to serve your Clan for endless moons.”

Woah, Willowshine is immortal now? More proof of Meyer's meddling, darn her.

“An orange pelt shimmered beyond a swath of ferns.”

Ooh metallic pelt colors.

“The tom blinked in reply, his nose glistening in between sniffs.”

StarClan's health system fails big time. Especially for medicine cats.

“Littlecloud blurted his leader's name with a guilty glance over his shoulder.”

And then Blackstar who is not a medicine cat nor part of StarClan showed up and beat Littlecloud to pieces and then chewed on them.

Well, no. But Littlecloud seems to think his leader's stalking him.

““He says he wonders if StarClan meant to bring us to the lake at all!” Littlecloud burst out. Runningnose's gaze darkened. “Then you're right to be worried.””

1.Because Blackstar he knew exactly what StarClan had planned, and once he figured out they were in the wrong place because he checked his Mapquest directions, and thus was wondering why his ancestors made the mistake.
2.“Then you're right to be worried.” Nah, he just needs to clarify that StarClan have no map reading skills. It's all cool, Snuffles.


““How can that be? He's always believed.”

It's possible if he feels his religion isn't right for him and wants to switch. Of course, this isn't allowed in Erinland, or it wouldn't be if there were religions. Belief in StarClan is an insult to religions.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Chapter 10

“She was trembling, her pelt hot with panic.”

I’d think it would be her skin, not her fur that was hot.

“Her paws felt numb with sleep. And even the early-morning chill couldn’t chase away her weariness.”

While I suppose this is legitimate, cold usually wakes you up instead if making you less weary.

“Thornclaw sat in the clearing, holding his tail down with a paw as he washed the tip.”

So apparently it’s either very windy (which has not been mentioned) or Thornclaw suffers from such harsh gas attacks that they blow his tail backwards. >.>

““Leafpool says a kit needs to be seen before it can be named.”

GASPETH! Or it least it probably is for people who think up ridiculous names for that to be seen in print.

Chapter 11

While the last one was short, this one is rather long.

“”The moon was high; Jaypaw could feel its light wash his pelt.”

Jaypaw. Is. Just. That. Special. That. He. Can. Flipping. Feel. Moonlight. e-e –dies a little inside-

“Calm radiated from the medicine cat like moonbeams.”

How do moonbeams…radiate? I thought they beamed…or shone…or something. And why would Leafpool radiate moonbeams?

““How about we call him Bumblekit?”

News flash: Millie’s three kits have just been born (gray tabby male, dark brown female, tortoiseshell and white female). While I don’t have a problem with the name Bumblekit, it does sound kind of weird. Also, don’t know how only one of the kits was gray when their parents were both gray. O3o?

“…hot sunshine warmed his back.”

Is sunshine ever not hot?

““At least they’ll have proper warrior names,” he muttered. He had clearly not forgotten that Millie had refused a Clan name.”

This is Dustpelt speaking here, and he is right in being annoyed that Snobface (my new nickname for Millie) refused a traditional and required name. More proof of Failstar’s lameness.

“His fur is longer than ours-dark brown and white with splashes of bright tortoiseshell—“

Yay genetic impossibilities! -_- I am starting to wonder if the Erins know anything about cats at all. “Creative license” doesn’t cut it.

““I-I…” Thornclaw seemed lost for words, and Jaypaw sensed confusion clouding the warrior’s thoughts. He was no longer sure why he had led a perfect stranger to the heart of ThunderClan territory. It had just seemed like the right thing to do.”

Sol is Just. That. Special. He must have some strong drugs on him, because no matter how speshul a cat may be, any sensible warrior wouldn’t lead them straight to camp without knowing what they would do.

““I am honored to meet you.”

Sol has heard of Failstar, apparently. Wonder who from. Though apparently the praise for Pansy still hasn’t gone away. –sigh-

“She feels his power too!”

No, Leafsue just feels his drugs and wants to share needles with him.

““Darkness is coming,” he hissed.”

Of course it is, Sol deary. We call it night in these parts.

““Your faith is noble, but can StarClan really know everything?””

Sol gets a smiley face sticker just for this. Let’s give him a big round of applause, people.

“But Leafpool flicked the tip of her tail across his mouth to keep him from saying anything.”

So she was butt-facing him while she talked to Sol? How rude. Smelly, too.

“We will continue to trust in them for all the moons to come.””

Stupid Leafsue. StarClan can’t do boo, don’t you know?

“…as they scampered through the thorn barrier.”

News flash: Foxpaw and Icepaw can become intangible. Either that or they have shrinking powers.

““It doesn’t matter” he mewed.”

Heck yes it does. You have just received a serious warning. Why not tell your brother Mr. Stu?

Chapter 12

“…circling in his nest yet again.”

That’s some big nest there. It also makes me think he’s an osprey or something.

“Had they come to ask for help? But why now, under cover of darkness?”

This is WindClan we’re talking about, they’ve just showed up in ThunderClan’s camp. And Lionpaw thinks this utterly stupid and arrogant thought. GEE GOSH I WONDER IF THEY’RE ATTACKING HRMMM? But no, Lionpaw, as part of InsuriClan, naturally assumes that the CATS OF A RIVAL CLAN ARE COMING FOR HELP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. HOW BEEPING STUPID IS HE? Very.

……Ladies and Gentlemen? Our stu hero.

“Peering out, Lionpaw saw thin shadows streaming through the thorn tunnel. The light-footed shapes were filling the clearing, hardly visible under the moonless sky.”

Wait…it’s night…no sun …moonless sky…then how are there shadows? Why lack of logic of course! Really, I don’t know why many cats in Erinland aren’t dead/incapacitated yet, considering their lack of
basic brain usage. It really makes me wonder whether the Erins care about their charries at all.

“He blinked in disbelief. An invasion?”

When an invasion happens, you DO NOT I repeat DO NOT BLINK in disbelief. Blinking expresses goose eggs in my book. You gasp, snarl, growl, I don’t care what, but SOMETHING besides flipping BLINK.

Ooh how DARE WindClan invade BlunderClan?/heavy sarcasm. And yes it is an invasion Lionpaw you moron, WHY AREN’T YOU FREAKING DOING SOMETHING YOU USELESS STU?

-goes to hurl herself off the metaphorical balcony into the imaginary volcano-
Better now. Moving on.

“He lashed out at the barrage of paws, keeping his hind paws firmly planted against the onslaught.”
I’m a bit confused here. I’m guessing that he’s standing on his hind legs, lashing out with his front against his attackers. Well, apparently Lionpaw is also a genetic anomaly and has extra forepaws, and extremely good balance on his hind legs, which is very difficult for cats to do for long periods of time. And also, apparently none of the WindClan cats have the brains to attack him from behind and just go like dummies in a line up to him to get their furry rears whipped. My faith in them is almost at my faith level in BlunderClan, which is lower than the Mariana Trench is below sea level.

“This was no time for questions.”

Poor Lionpaw, he isn’t aware that everything he does creates questions. Namely, mine.

““Circle the clearing and pick off the outsiders!” Lionpaw ordered.”

The warriors who finally got their butts out of their den three sentences ago, long after Lionpaw screeched (yes, I did think of a bird when I read that) the alarm. Wait…I thought there was a cat on guard every night? What happened to them? But anyway, back to my main point, which is that Lion here should not be giving the orders, no matter how Special he is. The warriors who are in charge here
despite not having any more intelligence than him should do that.

“ThunderClan must learn that they are not the most important Clan in the forest.”

I LIKE Onestar! I do, I do, I do! He speaks the gospel truth to Failstar’s mutated face! –starts a Onestar fan club-

“Where would any of the Clans be now if it weren’t for Firestar?”

They would be here. With far less stupidity in them. Though knowing the Erins, perhaps not. One can always hope.

““Brambleclaw!” He turned to his deputy. “Why wasn’t the entrance guarded tonight?” Brambleclaw’s gaze darkened. “The extra patrols have stretched us to the limit.””

GASP!!! Logical question with logical answer! I think I might faint in excitement!

“He had been talking with Brambleclaw in the middle of the moonlit clearing.”

We were told it was a moonless night. Now it’s saying this is a moonlit clearing.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Continuity……may we mourn for it. –holds flowers with solemn expression-

“Dustpelt and Brambleclawbegan to gather their patrols, choosing cats with a flick of their tail.”

Short summary of what has happened: WindClan attacked ThunderClan’s camp. After being fought somewhat, WindClan goes off. Then a patrol is sent to make sure WindClan crossed the border. Which they didn’t. Instead, Lionpaw (who was on the patrol) figures out that they’ve been using the tunnels to get into BlunderClan territory. Also, WindClan has split up into three different patrols, each heading for a specific place in ThunderClan territory. The patrol that was sent discovers this and comes back to tell Failstar, who then organizes his own patrol, and tells Bramble and Dust to pick theirs, each is going to go out and fight one of the WindClan patrols. Long, I know, but bear with me.

SO! It’s patrol picking time. Which makes patrols sound like fruit. Anyway. Apparently Dustpelt and Brambleclaw share one huge cat tail, connected to both their bodies. Weird anatomy much? Also, instead of using their huge cat tail to point at cats (the poor freaked out things) they could just SAY “I want you, you and you on my patrol.” There! Wasn’t that simple?

“Jaypaw’s gray pelt shimmered in the moonlight…”

Ooh something shiny! Maybe it’s valuable! No, wait, it’s just Jaystu. –throws a rock at him-

“Perhaps he was just worried about them.”

In spite of Sir Idiot being a jerk, he does sometimes care about siblings, which as brother I think you know, Lionpaw. You’re going into battle against an invading Clan, duh he’s worried.

“She had watched her mate leave for battle many times, but it was harder to say good-bye to one of her kits.”

She has three other children. Apparently they mean nothing because suddenly Foxpaw (the kit in mention) is very special indeed as his mommy is saying good-bye to him. Poor Spiderleg and Birchfall, they must feel so shunned.

My apologies for abusing capital letters.

Chapter 13

“She glanced up. No starlight glittered through the leaves, and clouds had hidden the moon.”

Though it was first stated as moonless night, the moon has amazingly shown up in the sky again. Dunno why. Maybe it was attracted by the Three’s uber special powers?

“She sniffed the air, her heart racing as she tried to picture where she was. This was how Jaypaw must feel all the time.”

This is so discriminatory and incorrect I can’t even describe it.

“Hollypaw could only just make out his shadow in the darkness.”

No. Just no. This makes no sense whatsoever.

“And Firestar would never have been able to save ThunderClan-to save all the Clans-if Bluestar hadn’t taken him in as a kittypet all those moons ago. Why did the other Clans make such a fuss about it? Because the warrior code rejects kittypets, loners, and rogues. As the grim answer flashed in Hollypaw’s mind, the ground seemed to rock between her paws. Her Clan had been ignoring the warrior code forever!”

1. We keep on hearing about how Firestar has saved all the Clans. How exactly has he done that? The battle against BloodClan is commonly used as an example. However, any other leader could’ve united the Clans and killed Scourge just like he did. And also, the other Clans don’t make a fuss about that specifically, as far as I can see they make a fuss about him being a kittypet. Logicfail.

2. No freaking duh, Holly. You just realized this? Exactly how dumb are you? You grew up with these cats, knew their origins, and NOW this is such a shock to you? Ooh such drama. No.


“Before Brambleclaw disappeared beneath a fury of pelts…”

Note: I’m not commenting on the fighting because so much of it is ridiculous that I would waste time pointing out all the flaws. Plus Ten has already done an admirable job of doing this. Much of the fighting here is similar to what is described in The Sight.

Fury of pelts. Fury. Mass or swarm or something would’ve been better, it describes the number and size. Fury just makes me think that the pelts he’s disappearing under are angry, instead of the cats themselves. The WindClan cats’ pelts are very mad that he’s disappearing under them. He has violated their space. They’re all, “DON’TCHU BE GOING IN MAH PERSONAL BUBBLE, MAN. OR WE SUFFOCATE JOO.”

“She slid through the shadows along the Twoleg path…”

Now I’m thinking that shadows are making up a slide. Wheeee. Tangible shadows, fun fun fun. If there were any. I don’t think just starlight is enough for shadows in woods with no other light source. Anyone who has seen differently, please tell me.

“A few Twoleg nests rustled in the breeze…”

Solid houses? I don’t think so. Unless they’re reeeally drafty.

[Cloud of Diamonds]

Chapter 14

““Waiting is worse than fighting.” Ferncloud growled.”

Mmm…I guess. I can see how the suspense could be kind of agonizing. I don’t think it’s worse, though, because in the fighting you actually get hurt.

“Brambles swished.”

And they did the hokey pokey and they turned themselves around, ‘cause mocking is what it’s about! Yay!

““I’m not going to let myself get hurt.” I’m too important for that to happen.”

I think this sentence speaks for itself. And we’re supposed to like him. e-e

“Screeching a battle cry, he shot forward with claws unsheathed and sank them into the glossy pelt in front of him.”

It’s just so intelligent to let your enemy know you’re there before you strike.

“Why are they trying to drive us out of our home?”

Because you all fail massively.

“The air began to taste warm. Dawn must be on its way.”

Erm….taste warm? I guess it’s ok, though I think he’d feel it rather than taste it.

“All four Clans were fighting, and StarClan had told him nothing.”

It’s a sign that they fail even more massively than BlunderClan does. Hopefully someone will realize this.

[glowlynose]

I just saw the picture you drew me.

I lubs it. It is now my desktop background. <3

[Cloud of Diamonds]

D'awwww, I feel honored.