Post by Cloud of Diamonds on Dec 21, 2009 23:47:48 GMT -5
Chapter 15
“She crouched, trembling, in front of him as he padded toward her, rage darkening his vision until all he could see was her round, frightened eyes.”
So. First off, Mosspelt is very, very stupid. Why doesn’t she beeping leap at him and catch him off guard instead of sitting there like a useless lump? Plus, she’s an experienced warrior, and she’s bigger than him. She should be kicking his butt. Literally. Ohnowait…I forgot Lionpaw is Uber Speshul and everyone knows how Uber Speshul he is so they sit there waiting for him to wipe the table with them instead of running because of course it’s hopeless. Sure.
Rage darkening his vision? Does he suffer from the Bloodwrath like some of the Redwall badgers do? If not this makes no sense. Anger doesn’t darken your vision. If it did I’d go blind in French class since my classmates annoy me all to H-E-double hockeysticks. Possibly he’s on some very special mushrooms.
Anyway…third point. Why he can only see her eyes? That’s cursed unhelpful if you ask me. So…his vision decreases when he’s angry. Whoo. Great for all the fighting he does, eh?
“Mosspelt darted past him and disappeared into the trees.”
Wait…weren’t we just told he was walking up to her? Why would she need to go past him? Did she randomly teleport or something? Or does she have a double? Ahhh, the fun time spent figuring out the mysteries of Erinland.
“Mousewhisker’s eye was closed and swollen to the size of an apple.”
Even for a swelled eye, that’s pretty freaking huge. Unless apples in Erinland are far smaller than average. Or Mousewhisker is another mutant. Really, I’m starting to think the warrior cats have the possibility of the X-gene.
“His claws itched to be fighting again.”
Orlynao, Lionpaw? Why at the beginning of the battle didn’t you just hurl yourself into the fight if you love it so much? Or are you more bloodthirsty now than you were later? Mrr….that gets me thinking that he’s a vampire. In fact….OMG! Of course he’s a vampire! We already knew Stpehanie Meyer had infiltrated BlunderClan with shininess. But here is proof she had someone bite Lionpaw! He’s super strong and super fast! And likes blood! Why, it all makes sense now!
……eh heh. But it’s no less logical than the books themselves.
Wait. His claws? His claws? This once again proves that in Erinland, cats’ body parts have minds of their own. Beep it all.
“..his dark pelt rippling as he sped through the undergrowth.”
A rippling pelt. Really. Well either Ashfur has Body Builder muscles, a wave machine built into his body (not content with mutants, the Erins started making cyborgs) or fur made of water. Ohey maybe his pelt’s made of some that magical fur that the lake is made up of. That would totally explain it.
“Behind them Heatherpaw reared up on her hind legs, her blue eyes wide with shock. Lionpaw lunged at her and grasped her scruff between his teeth.”
I decided to give this little fighting bit mention because it’s even more stupid and impossible than usual. So….let’s pretend that cats rear up to fight. Hard, but envision able. Cats’ scruffs are on the backs of their necks. Lionpaw is leaping towards her in front of her. So…let’s imagine he has pownful karate and aerobics skills. It’s STILL really diffcult to imagine that he could leap towards her, turn around in midair, and land behind her grasping her scruff. But of course, he is an Uber Special vampiric kitty, so I guess he can. -_-
“What have I become?”
An uber-stu instead of a regular stu. Ain’t it obvious?
Update: He almost killed Crowfeather. Pity he didn’t. So NOW, FINALLY, after damaging a cat he HATES, he’s feeling remorse. No worrying about the other poor kitties who get whipped by him, some of whom did almost get killed. No, he’s feeling bad because he almost murdered his dad. Without a doubt this is some clever foreshadowing. /sarcasm
“Suddenly the light changed.”
ZOMIGAWD! Of course, it happened “suddenly” so it must be important. Heaven forbid anything happen gradually or slowly.
And the eclipse happens. Hence the title of the book lest we forget. I put it in because without a doubt I’ll refer to it later. It’s got lots of fancy description and stuffs, so we know it’s important.
Chapter 16
“Fear flashed from Leafpool’s pelt.”
Following this scandalous event were shrieks and paws covering the faces of youth nearby.
“Why can’t I see?”
This is just a totally random and wild guess, but I’d say you’re blind.
Chapter 17, Part 1
“..Hollypaw wanted to tell the tiny kit, not sure he was old enough to understand.”
She’s referring to Briarkit, who was earlier described as female. Sooo…either the Erins have the memory span ofme a particularly brain-dead goldfish, or surgical operations in Erinland are far more advanced than we thought.
Poor Briarkit, how traumatizing. Snobface is apparently not a very good mother. But then, I think we all knew she wasn’t going to exactly be the parent award winner of ‘09.
“Daisy shut her eyes as he careered right towards Graystripe.”
This is Toadkit she’s talking about here, and besides the obvious idiocies of a) Daisy and b) her son, either that’s a typo or Toadkit is…wait. Mental image forming here.
Ah ha! I’m envisioning Toadkit the living paint blob going through papers full of job descriptions, making telephone calls for interviews, and making notes on post-its.
And if you believed he was doing that you’d believe Ten’s never given a piece of criticism in her life and the earth is made of cotton candy.
““He thinks it’s just an adventure.” She sighed. “Perhaps it’s better that he does.” Graystripe took Briarkit from Millie and followed Daisy into the nursery.”
While I suppose this is Graystripe trying to be…um…something, I’m also wondering if he wants Toadkit to be deluded.
“Longtail ran his tail gently over him.”
I pointed this one out because it’s actually possible, (though still unlikely if these were real cats) considering Bumblekit (who is having Longtail’s tail rub himin a still somewhat creepy way) is a kit not even a week old.
“Hollypaw nodded a greeting…”
I guess nodding can count as a greeting, but cats don’t often do it (at least not that I’ve observed) but…seeing it say “she nodded a greeting” instead of “she nodded in greeting” makes me think that somehow that while Hollypaw was nodding words appeared in the air saying “Hi, how’s it going?”
“..the sand around Squirrelflight was stained dark red. Blood.”
No, it’s melted cherries that smell funny. What do you think it is, Holly? And why are the Erins having her think “blood” like we’re morons? I think we’ve all been shown (in many ways) what blood is and does.
““You’re hurt!” Her tiredness forgotten, she darted to her mother’s side and sniffed at her pelt.”
Once again displaying to us how when cats are hurt, Holly doesn’t do the sensible thing (run for the medicine cat right away so she can help said bleeding cat which is her freaking [supposed] MOTHER) but says and does something completely useless and stupid. My hero. /very heavy sarcasm
To quote Ten: "That's just funny. "Oh my, you're hurt? Let me sniff your hair.""
“Leafpool was squatting at the far side of the clearing, chewing herbs.”
Druggie. –shuns Leafsue-
“Sandstorm gasped. “Why hasn’t this been seen to?””
Because your daughter and granddaughter are brainless amoebae disguised as cats.
Blah blah, Squirrelflight has a scene where Druggie gets cobwebs and puts them over her slash wound running from her chest to the top of her hind leg. Wonder how she got that one. I’m assuming she was asleep or paralyzed at time. Maybe she’d already been heavily wounded…but it doesn’t remark about any other marks on her body. This also leaves the question of how she got back to camp with a wound that freaking huge and blood-pouring.
This is here because I know I’ll refer to it. And how stupid it is.
Chapter 17, Part 2
“Sandstorm shook her head. “She was fighting beside me down on the shore, but I thought she was okay. She was never down for more than a moment.””
Ok, this PROVES Squirrelflight is (or was) a zombie and has super-speed powers. And it also proves that whoever assaulted her does too, to have made that big of a wound in that short of a time. But apparently Squirrelflight lost her zombieness when she returned to camp for the sake of Drama. -_-
“Brambleclaw crouched beside his mate. “Don’t leave me,” He begged.”
She ain’t goin’anywhere, Bramble. At least not for a while.
“Leafpool won’t let you die.”
Unless she’s promised more little round tins of herbs to do so.
“Hollypaw felt a thorn-sharp stab in her heart.”
“Thorn-sharp” has been used so many times to describe things, it’s getting old. Why not claw-sharp or fang-sharp or briar-sharp or something?Psst, it’s called a thesaurus, Erins.
““Surely the battle is over?” She mewed. “What’s left to talk about?””
Plenty.
““StarClan has told us we mustn’t fight!”
…um. No. They haven’t. They haven’t said anything, remember? How would you know, anyway? The eclipse could mean anything, you don’t know for sure.
Chapter 18
“The clearing was slowly emptying as Firestar moved from cat to cat, ordering them to their dens to rest.”
I think they’d be going to do that anyway…oh no wait. I forgot they’re all idiots.
“ThunderClan would make them pay for what they’d done.”
He’s talking about WindClan and RiverClan. And I didn’t realize Failstar had elected him leader all of a sudden.
“But the sun disappeared and Sol knew it would happen! Don’t you realize what this means?”
That StarClan fails? No duh.
“We have the power of the stars in our paws!”
More you like you have the powers of gary-stuness and idiocy in your brains. Neither of you are huge, gas-burning, or explode into supernovas. Yay supernovas. 
Chapter 19
“Please understand!”
Jaypaw is getting ready to come out of the closet at last.
““How’s Lionpaw?” Squirrelflight asked faintly. “I’m right here.” Lionpaw brushed her ear with his nose.”
Either Lionpaw misunderstood what she said or like Failstar he avoids direct questions.
“Squirrelflight rested her head down. “StarClan must be angry with us.” “Not us,” Lionpaw mewed. “It’s WindClan they’re angry with.”
Don’t even entertain the THOUGHT that Supremely Trivial And Redundant Clan (S.T.A.RClan) could
betray their favorites.
“Squirrelflight managed a soft purr. “I’ll never leave you, little one.””
Stalkerrrrr.
And the Three decide to go look for Solthe glorified addict.
They’re walking, they’re walking...
“He couldn’t lose Sol now.”
Isn’t gay apprentice love cute?
“Suddenly Jaypaw scented ShadowClan.”
That sentence would have been just fine without the “suddenly.” As would almost every other one
“suddenly” gets used in.
“She crouched, trembling, in front of him as he padded toward her, rage darkening his vision until all he could see was her round, frightened eyes.”
So. First off, Mosspelt is very, very stupid. Why doesn’t she beeping leap at him and catch him off guard instead of sitting there like a useless lump? Plus, she’s an experienced warrior, and she’s bigger than him. She should be kicking his butt. Literally. Ohnowait…I forgot Lionpaw is Uber Speshul and everyone knows how Uber Speshul he is so they sit there waiting for him to wipe the table with them instead of running because of course it’s hopeless. Sure.
Rage darkening his vision? Does he suffer from the Bloodwrath like some of the Redwall badgers do? If not this makes no sense. Anger doesn’t darken your vision. If it did I’d go blind in French class since my classmates annoy me all to H-E-double hockeysticks. Possibly he’s on some very special mushrooms.
Anyway…third point. Why he can only see her eyes? That’s cursed unhelpful if you ask me. So…his vision decreases when he’s angry. Whoo. Great for all the fighting he does, eh?
“Mosspelt darted past him and disappeared into the trees.”
Wait…weren’t we just told he was walking up to her? Why would she need to go past him? Did she randomly teleport or something? Or does she have a double? Ahhh, the fun time spent figuring out the mysteries of Erinland.
“Mousewhisker’s eye was closed and swollen to the size of an apple.”
Even for a swelled eye, that’s pretty freaking huge. Unless apples in Erinland are far smaller than average. Or Mousewhisker is another mutant. Really, I’m starting to think the warrior cats have the possibility of the X-gene.
“His claws itched to be fighting again.”
Orlynao, Lionpaw? Why at the beginning of the battle didn’t you just hurl yourself into the fight if you love it so much? Or are you more bloodthirsty now than you were later? Mrr….that gets me thinking that he’s a vampire. In fact….OMG! Of course he’s a vampire! We already knew Stpehanie Meyer had infiltrated BlunderClan with shininess. But here is proof she had someone bite Lionpaw! He’s super strong and super fast! And likes blood! Why, it all makes sense now!
……eh heh. But it’s no less logical than the books themselves.
Wait. His claws? His claws? This once again proves that in Erinland, cats’ body parts have minds of their own. Beep it all.
“..his dark pelt rippling as he sped through the undergrowth.”
A rippling pelt. Really. Well either Ashfur has Body Builder muscles, a wave machine built into his body (not content with mutants, the Erins started making cyborgs) or fur made of water. Ohey maybe his pelt’s made of some that magical fur that the lake is made up of. That would totally explain it.
“Behind them Heatherpaw reared up on her hind legs, her blue eyes wide with shock. Lionpaw lunged at her and grasped her scruff between his teeth.”
I decided to give this little fighting bit mention because it’s even more stupid and impossible than usual. So….let’s pretend that cats rear up to fight. Hard, but envision able. Cats’ scruffs are on the backs of their necks. Lionpaw is leaping towards her in front of her. So…let’s imagine he has pownful karate and aerobics skills. It’s STILL really diffcult to imagine that he could leap towards her, turn around in midair, and land behind her grasping her scruff. But of course, he is an Uber Special vampiric kitty, so I guess he can. -_-
“What have I become?”
An uber-stu instead of a regular stu. Ain’t it obvious?
Update: He almost killed Crowfeather. Pity he didn’t. So NOW, FINALLY, after damaging a cat he HATES, he’s feeling remorse. No worrying about the other poor kitties who get whipped by him, some of whom did almost get killed. No, he’s feeling bad because he almost murdered his dad. Without a doubt this is some clever foreshadowing. /sarcasm
“Suddenly the light changed.”
ZOMIGAWD! Of course, it happened “suddenly” so it must be important. Heaven forbid anything happen gradually or slowly.
And the eclipse happens. Hence the title of the book lest we forget. I put it in because without a doubt I’ll refer to it later. It’s got lots of fancy description and stuffs, so we know it’s important.
Chapter 16
“Fear flashed from Leafpool’s pelt.”
Following this scandalous event were shrieks and paws covering the faces of youth nearby.
“Why can’t I see?”
This is just a totally random and wild guess, but I’d say you’re blind.
Chapter 17, Part 1
“..Hollypaw wanted to tell the tiny kit, not sure he was old enough to understand.”
She’s referring to Briarkit, who was earlier described as female. Sooo…either the Erins have the memory span of
Poor Briarkit, how traumatizing. Snobface is apparently not a very good mother. But then, I think we all knew she wasn’t going to exactly be the parent award winner of ‘09.
“Daisy shut her eyes as he careered right towards Graystripe.”
This is Toadkit she’s talking about here, and besides the obvious idiocies of a) Daisy and b) her son, either that’s a typo or Toadkit is…wait. Mental image forming here.
Ah ha! I’m envisioning Toadkit the living paint blob going through papers full of job descriptions, making telephone calls for interviews, and making notes on post-its.
And if you believed he was doing that you’d believe Ten’s never given a piece of criticism in her life and the earth is made of cotton candy.
““He thinks it’s just an adventure.” She sighed. “Perhaps it’s better that he does.” Graystripe took Briarkit from Millie and followed Daisy into the nursery.”
While I suppose this is Graystripe trying to be…um…something, I’m also wondering if he wants Toadkit to be deluded.
“Longtail ran his tail gently over him.”
I pointed this one out because it’s actually possible, (though still unlikely if these were real cats) considering Bumblekit (who is having Longtail’s tail rub him
“Hollypaw nodded a greeting…”
I guess nodding can count as a greeting, but cats don’t often do it (at least not that I’ve observed) but…seeing it say “she nodded a greeting” instead of “she nodded in greeting” makes me think that somehow that while Hollypaw was nodding words appeared in the air saying “Hi, how’s it going?”
“..the sand around Squirrelflight was stained dark red. Blood.”
No, it’s melted cherries that smell funny. What do you think it is, Holly? And why are the Erins having her think “blood” like we’re morons? I think we’ve all been shown (in many ways) what blood is and does.
““You’re hurt!” Her tiredness forgotten, she darted to her mother’s side and sniffed at her pelt.”
Once again displaying to us how when cats are hurt, Holly doesn’t do the sensible thing (run for the medicine cat right away so she can help said bleeding cat which is her freaking [supposed] MOTHER) but says and does something completely useless and stupid. My hero. /very heavy sarcasm
To quote Ten: "That's just funny. "Oh my, you're hurt? Let me sniff your hair.""
“Leafpool was squatting at the far side of the clearing, chewing herbs.”
Druggie. –shuns Leafsue-
“Sandstorm gasped. “Why hasn’t this been seen to?””
Because your daughter and granddaughter are brainless amoebae disguised as cats.
Blah blah, Squirrelflight has a scene where Druggie gets cobwebs and puts them over her slash wound running from her chest to the top of her hind leg. Wonder how she got that one. I’m assuming she was asleep or paralyzed at time. Maybe she’d already been heavily wounded…but it doesn’t remark about any other marks on her body. This also leaves the question of how she got back to camp with a wound that freaking huge and blood-pouring.
This is here because I know I’ll refer to it. And how stupid it is.
Chapter 17, Part 2
“Sandstorm shook her head. “She was fighting beside me down on the shore, but I thought she was okay. She was never down for more than a moment.””
Ok, this PROVES Squirrelflight is (or was) a zombie and has super-speed powers. And it also proves that whoever assaulted her does too, to have made that big of a wound in that short of a time. But apparently Squirrelflight lost her zombieness when she returned to camp for the sake of Drama. -_-
“Brambleclaw crouched beside his mate. “Don’t leave me,” He begged.”
She ain’t goin’anywhere, Bramble. At least not for a while.
“Leafpool won’t let you die.”
Unless she’s promised more little round tins of herbs to do so.
“Hollypaw felt a thorn-sharp stab in her heart.”
“Thorn-sharp” has been used so many times to describe things, it’s getting old. Why not claw-sharp or fang-sharp or briar-sharp or something?
““Surely the battle is over?” She mewed. “What’s left to talk about?””
Plenty.
““StarClan has told us we mustn’t fight!”
…um. No. They haven’t. They haven’t said anything, remember? How would you know, anyway? The eclipse could mean anything, you don’t know for sure.
Chapter 18
“The clearing was slowly emptying as Firestar moved from cat to cat, ordering them to their dens to rest.”
I think they’d be going to do that anyway…oh no wait. I forgot they’re all idiots.
“ThunderClan would make them pay for what they’d done.”
He’s talking about WindClan and RiverClan. And I didn’t realize Failstar had elected him leader all of a sudden.
“But the sun disappeared and Sol knew it would happen! Don’t you realize what this means?”
That StarClan fails? No duh.
“We have the power of the stars in our paws!”
More you like you have the powers of gary-stuness and idiocy in your brains. Neither of you are huge, gas-burning, or explode into supernovas.
Chapter 19
“Please understand!”
Jaypaw is getting ready to come out of the closet at last.
““How’s Lionpaw?” Squirrelflight asked faintly. “I’m right here.” Lionpaw brushed her ear with his nose.”
Either Lionpaw misunderstood what she said or like Failstar he avoids direct questions.
“Squirrelflight rested her head down. “StarClan must be angry with us.” “Not us,” Lionpaw mewed. “It’s WindClan they’re angry with.”
Don’t even entertain the THOUGHT that Supremely Trivial And Redundant Clan (S.T.A.RClan) could
betray their favorites.
“Squirrelflight managed a soft purr. “I’ll never leave you, little one.””
Stalkerrrrr.
And the Three decide to go look for Sol
They’re walking, they’re walking...
“He couldn’t lose Sol now.”
Isn’t gay apprentice love cute?
“Suddenly Jaypaw scented ShadowClan.”
That sentence would have been just fine without the “suddenly.” As would almost every other one
“suddenly” gets used in.
? I'm speaking as Mistpelt, of course.
We have a cbox again and we're opening the place up as a closed, members only rp